Upset by friends facebook status - I know I probably am but find it genuienely distressing!

[RoseGarden123]

Saw friends facebook status about leaving her 6 week old DS to CIO to get him onto a healthy routine. this baby was born 4 weeks early. I text her to see if everything was ok. When she said she couldn't deal with doing the CIO but thought it was the best thing to establish a routine early ,I sent her a link to some info which I said had found really helpful in the early days. I'll admit the link was to some unconditional/ AP type parenting approach, her response was she didn't go in for the 'hippy' stuff and she wanted to make sure that her DS knew who was boss from day one and wasn't going to 'win' and after 3 hours he had gone to sleep.
I am not upset at all about her rejecting the info link, I sent it very tactfully and everyone chooses their own path in parenting but seriously CIO with a prem 6 week old, am I completely off the mark when I think this is very upsetting and worrying?!

What I'm trying to say is that babies have died from being left to cry it out.

That's obviously FAR from the OP's friend's intentions but I think she does need to be made aware how dangerous it is.

Those who are saying they don't believe someone would leave a baby crying for 3 hours, do you not believe that any neglect of babies or children happens?

In all honesty I just think it was a horrible thread to start. It was started purely to judge and to feel superior not to find ways to support a friend.

Lots of people prefer to get their babies into a routine as soon as possible and it isn't always a bad idea. It's not how I chose to do it but that doesn't mean my way is right and theirs is wrong.

I absolutely agree that this mother needs support but this thread is not going to help anyone.

Donder, not based on one Fb comment, no.

Yes but there are some absolute rights and wrongs in parenting, it is not all subjective. Leaving a newborn baby to cry for 3 hrs is neglect, no question! Equally, people DO abuse children willingly or through ignorance and yes people do put all sorts of morally questionable stuff on the internet- of course they do.

I think the OP has been scared off, as although the majority view was in support of her thinking some posters questioned her idea of friendship and I would imagine the few negative responses have stuck in her memory. Some things in life question whether you know someone at all. Perhaps she was surprised her friend would do something so morally repugnant and is trying to canvass opinion as to whether she was right to feel that.

Who said leaving a baby to cry for 3 hours was ok?

The OP's friend did - on FB.

I said I was going to kill dp the other day

I didn't.

It is amazing how many people think newborns somehow need training like puppies. That poor baby. I bet there is a jealous man in the background driving that situation.

Gish there are some judgemental people on hear. Leave the poor woman alone to bring her child up how she likes. It's no one else's business.

No, she didn't, and unless you read it yourself you don't know what she wrote, none of us do.

The only information we have is what the OP has shared. Which is that the mother wrote something on FB regarding using CIO to establish a routine and that in further discussion via text she said she was really struggling with CIO but that she finally got her DS to sleep after 3 hours.

If, as she suggests, the OP merely wants to help and support her friend then I would suggest perhaps asking for suggestions as to how to help. Pages and pages of hysterical hand-wringing does not help anyone.

I have been in mumsnet for years now and I can't remember a post that has attracted so much hatred, vitriol, assumptions and someone saying this baby would have been better off aborted.

Hang on I can.

The mass of ridicule and contempt heaped on the nurse who killed herself after taking the Australian phone call. Think on.

Op I think your friend posted a stupid FB comment and this is where it's led.

Please God she doesn't come on mumsnet for help and advice and realises that these comments are about her.

I have also been posting on MN for years and there has always been strong opinions put forward without calls for censoring this and censoring that. MN is about more than just being a support network.

Have not 'has' in post above.

Hi, I have backed off this thread not because some people disagreed with me but because how others went in agreeing with me. Some of the language about my friend and a new mum was quite frightening! I was originally trying to gauge if I was over reacting as I know I am quite left wing in my views. I don't agree with cio at any age, but that's just what works for me. I don't feel I am an expert parent or experienced enough to judge others style or approaches. I was at the beginning just very concerned she had chosen this approach so early and worried it indicated maybe she was struggling? I would never dream of showing her this thread and very confident she doesn't use mumsnet.
I have spoken to closer friends to friend and offered practical rl support not based on my views but helping her get some rest.
In hindsight it was ill judged to post on here, however I never expected the level of responses or viciousness of them. This isn't a bad or neglectful mother, this is someone I am worried about.

I don't think the posts have been vicious Rosegarden, just concerned. And rightly so.

I think you've come back with a great post there OP and I apologise for judging you harshly.

We've all started ill-judged threads and made ill-judged remarks, we're human, it happens. To come back and be gracious about it is not so common though so big respect to you for that.

I wish your friend well, the first few weeks must be horrendous with a bad sleeper. I thank my lucky stars my DS was so easy, there but for the grace of God go I and all that! (I'm not religious but you know what I mean)

You're right, lemonmuffin, calling someone a cunt isn't vicious. Advocating abortion for this child isn't vicious.

So the OP has just said her friend isn't a bad or neglectful mother so can we all stop slagging off this person none of us has actually met?

RoseGarden, You sound like a very confused person. You posted in AIBU, if you wanted more practical help why didn't you post in 'parenting'? Perhaps if you had updated a little more often your thoughts would've been clear?

If she left her newborn to CIO, if indeed she did, then it is wrong, don't you feel sorry for this baby- if this is TRUE?

oh ffs some people just want a fucking argument.

What was the motivation for starting the thread in the first place?

She IS a bad and neglectful mother and a nasty hideous person. I'll reserve my sympathy for the poor poor baby who is unfortunate enough to have this woman as its mother.

The hysteria in this thread would be laughable if it wasn't so pathetic.