Upset by friends facebook status - I know I probably am but find it genuienely distressing!

[RoseGarden123]

Saw friends facebook status about leaving her 6 week old DS to CIO to get him onto a healthy routine. this baby was born 4 weeks early. I text her to see if everything was ok. When she said she couldn't deal with doing the CIO but thought it was the best thing to establish a routine early ,I sent her a link to some info which I said had found really helpful in the early days. I'll admit the link was to some unconditional/ AP type parenting approach, her response was she didn't go in for the 'hippy' stuff and she wanted to make sure that her DS knew who was boss from day one and wasn't going to 'win' and after 3 hours he had gone to sleep.
I am not upset at all about her rejecting the info link, I sent it very tactfully and everyone chooses their own path in parenting but seriously CIO with a prem 6 week old, am I completely off the mark when I think this is very upsetting and worrying?!

Thebody you misunderstood! I am appalled at the horrendous things that have been written on this thread about a new mum and I'm very dubious about Ops claim that she started this thread out of concern.

"Can a 6 week old baby even cry for 3 hours?"

Yes - particularly if they are hungry, in pain or distressed.

This mum might be overwhelmed, have pnd - who knows. Chances are with a 6 week old she'll be damn knackered. Whatever state she is in, it's a horrible and cruel thing to put a 6 week old baby through.

CIO causes irreversible damage to pathways in the brain, esp. for such a young baby. This will lead to emotional and psychological problems in the future. It's classed as deprivation and deprived children don't recover or make up ground. Once the damage is done it can't be undone. Your friend is one stupid woman.

We did controlled crying, it worked for DS 1 but not so well for DS 2 as he had bad colic so was pretty grumpy anyway.

3 hours is excessive im pretty sure mine settled after less than 15 minutes - I certainly couldnt have ignored him for longer than that.

Hidden, disgraceful post.

Hidden has a point though, CIO is dangerous, causes damage in the brain that cannot be repaired, especially if done so young.

Body I'm a midwife, and can assure you 36 weeks IS preterm. 37 - 42 weeks is considered term.

Poor baby. I had to leave my 14 week old DS to cry for a few minutes as I was on the toilet, and he cried himself to sleep. It broke my fucking heart.

I'm all for routine if that is what she wants, but that isn't the way to go about it. Feel so sad for that little baby. :(

Oh some horrible things are being said here about a new mum who's most probably feeling overwhelmed and needs support. None of you know the facts but don't let that stop you - just keep on with the nastiness.

Hidden does have a point. Doing CIO will have life long consequences for that poor baby. It's really shit parenting imo.

Being overwhelmed? Er, we all feel like that after having a baby, but that's still no excuse for wanton neglect, which is what this is. Leaving a 6 week old to cry for that length of time is nasty and neglectful. If this mother is so ill that she can't look after this child then she needs treatment and the child should be fostered out until the mother has recovered.

Just so glad I didn't know lots of you guys when I was a struggling new mum.

I am disgusted at this utter character assassination of a new mum we don't know.

Am reporting this thread and hope you are ashamed of yourselves.

Remember the vitriol directed at the nurse who killed herself over the Australian hoax on here.

Think on. Disgusting.

"Termination would be better than causing a lifetime of misery and suffering to another human being."

It was a facebook post. You know nothing about this woman or how she'll raise her child. You're filling in the blanks with your own experiences.

Ugly thread.

Personally think there should be greater guidance on these methods - and maybe some absolute do nots.

Imo cio in such young babies should be banned - not possible to police maybe - but a clear message should be sent out.

There is a point where bad parenting - even when well intentioned but through incorrect information - goes to far and cio in a baby who should be 2 weeks old is going to far. As it is there is nothing the op can do but that shouldn't be the case.

I realise that parenting choices vary but even those who advocate cio wouldn't in such a young baby for good reason.

Oh, ffs. There's a few of you who simply don't understand just how damaging CIO can be. I couldn't give a tinker's curse for the mother, just hearing about this baby is making me

Reported.

At your limit and leaving a baby to cry for ten minutes whilst you scream into a pillow / make a cup of tea / sob down the phone to a friend = all completely understandable.

Leaving a baby to cry for three HOURS because you want to show them 'who is boss' is calculated, and entirely different.

"If this mother is so ill that she can't look after this child then she needs treatment and the child should be fostered out until the mother has recovered."

Absolute bollox. Who made you the expert in mental health & social services?

Yes, it is ugly, but not as ugly as child neglect, or are we choosing to avoid that term in case it's too truthful upsetting?

I'm no expert, I just care about children. If this mother is incapable of doing this then what do you suggest happens?

Honestly, you have no idea of the damage this can do

Babies are pretty resilient - one incident of CIO, even for 3 hours, will not cause attachment disorder and is not classed as deprivation or neglect.

Obviously it is a poor parenting choice, and this mother is probably suffering (where is the father?) but no need for hysteria.