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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset by friends facebook status - I know I probably am but find it genuienely distressing!

256 replies

RoseGarden123 · 03/03/2013 20:49

Saw friends facebook status about leaving her 6 week old DS to CIO to get him onto a healthy routine. this baby was born 4 weeks early. I text her to see if everything was ok. When she said she couldn't deal with doing the CIO but thought it was the best thing to establish a routine early ,I sent her a link to some info which I said had found really helpful in the early days. I'll admit the link was to some unconditional/ AP type parenting approach, her response was she didn't go in for the 'hippy' stuff and she wanted to make sure that her DS knew who was boss from day one and wasn't going to 'win' and after 3 hours he had gone to sleep.
I am not upset at all about her rejecting the info link, I sent it very tactfully and everyone chooses their own path in parenting but seriously CIO with a prem 6 week old, am I completely off the mark when I think this is very upsetting and worrying?!

OP posts:
Kiwiinkits · 03/03/2013 21:28

I don't think I could be friends with someone who is so obviously lacking in empathy. I'm serious.

Goldenbear · 03/03/2013 21:29

Yes I agree with doyouwantfrieswiththat, it is an alarmingly cold approach to take towards your NEWBORN!

Goldenbear · 03/03/2013 21:31

Yes I agree with doyouwantfrieswiththat, it is an alarmingly cold approach to take towards your NEWBORN!

overmydeadbody · 03/03/2013 21:32

That is very sad Sad

I wouldn't leave my 10yr old DS to cry for 3 hours, let alone a baby Sad

mummy2b2011 · 03/03/2013 21:32

I think this is horrendous. I just asked my husband (who manages a social work team- child protection) and he said that he would have concerns about this if he became aware of it through work. I completely agree with whoever said up-thread that it is neglectful. Poor baby Sad

Unusednickname · 03/03/2013 21:34

YANBU I wouldn't leave dd to cry for three hours (or any hours) and she's nearly 3. Actually I wouldn't leave dh to cry for three hours...

This friendship isn't going to make it though is it? Not if you're AP/UP and she's a control freak twunt?

sweetieaddict · 03/03/2013 21:35

I've been thinking about this and think you should call a local health visitor tomorrow. Don't give your details but say your friend would benefit from a visit and some advice on how to patiently and lovingly settle her newborn to sleep.

Any moron that posts that on fb is obviously in need of urgent help and her lack of compassion is very worrying. Don't worry about her thinking it is you, it could have been anyone of her 'friends' on FB....

My sister has a friend that lives in flats and when sister goes round to friends she hears the woman upstairs screaming at her 4yo.

"Get to bed now, you fucking, useless little bitch" is just some of the milder screaming she has heard all night.

Sister became so distressed listening to this when she visited friend she called social services and thankfully there has been no shouting since.

Sadly, we are a nation that is far too polite and afraid to 'rock the boat' but in these circumstances I wouldn't hesitate twice to help a child.

sweetieaddict · 03/03/2013 21:36

mummy2b - so pleased you posted that, just read it.

akaemmafrost · 03/03/2013 21:36

That baby didn't go to sleep he passed out! In mental anguish, hungry and probably in shock. Stupid twat Angry. I'd post that on her FB wall, with links to relevant medically proven studies so her other mates can see and then follow it with "and now I am blocking you as I cannot stand to see any more updates of you detailing your cruelty to a helpless baby".

spiderlight · 03/03/2013 21:37

Poor little love - that's just heartbreaking :( I wouldn't leave my DS to cry for three minutes and he's nearly 6!

pudcat · 03/03/2013 21:37

The baby will soon learn that crying does not get any food or comfort and will become withdrawn. This is just like the NSPCC advert. "*** has learnt not cry...".
I would report her to Social Services, HV or anyone that can do something. Take a screen print of the status to show them. You cannot let it go. She could be doing this tonight, and the poor little baby will be starving after crying that long but will be too exhausted to wake up for food. She is a cruel mother.

akaemmafrost · 03/03/2013 21:39

Oh and I would also say, you do know you are actually damaging your babies brain don't you? Hard wiring him for stress later in life? Oh well at least YOU get a good nights sleep. You knob!

Unusednickname · 03/03/2013 21:40

And I hate to be the first one to say PND but...?

I agree - report it. It might be the tip of an iceberg.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 03/03/2013 21:42

The poor little thing. I did cc with DD at 9.5 months after 5 months of multiple wakings. She cried for 7 minutes and then fell asleep. I nearly cracked as it was - DH had to restrain me after the first minute! There is no way I could have listened to her for 3 hours. And she wasn't a tiny newborn.

YouTheCat · 03/03/2013 21:42

Whether she has PND or not, she needs some help and advice from a reliable source (HV/GP etc).

GirlOutNumbered · 03/03/2013 21:43

I would normally mind my own business, but I think you are some kind of hard bitch to listen to a baby cry for that long and do nothing.
Either that or there may be some mental health problems.

It is making me sad thinking about it, I hope she was exaggerating.

FlouncingMintyy · 03/03/2013 21:44

Awful! I expect you will defriend her now, op? I do agree that it was a bit odd of you to send her AP info ... she's clearly not the type to go for all that schizzle is she? But there is a happy medium somewhere in between.

Btw, did you know Gwynnie and Chris Martin did something like this with their newborns? Employed a night nanny to basically get the baby into a routine from the get-go?

fluffypillow · 03/03/2013 21:46

That is really sad Sad

YANBU your friend definitely is.

Getoutofmygumboot · 03/03/2013 21:48

Leaving a 6 week old baby to cry for 3 hours is disgusting, you need to tell your friend this.

How could she sit there and listen to her baby cry for that long? My dd is 11 months, I leave her for 15 mins max.

thebody · 03/03/2013 21:53

Can I just actually say!!! I have never heard of anyone who had abused a child bragging about it in face book!

Get a massive fucking grip here please.

Born at 36 weeks isn't prem normal labour is 36 to 42 weeks actually.

I personally don't let my kitten miaow for long key alone my 4 kids but I don't believe she did either.

Faceb

thebody · 03/03/2013 21:54

Dam pressed too soon. Facebook status isn't always true!!

As for phoning social services!! Seriously, where do you people actually come from....

stargirl1701 · 03/03/2013 21:58

I agree. I would try to contact her HV. It is damaging to leave a baby under 6 months to cry alone for hours. It is emotional abuse.

thebody · 03/03/2013 22:02

So you would call her HV or SS and quote face book!!! No other evidence..

sweetieaddict · 03/03/2013 22:05

thebody
As for phoning social services!! Seriously, where do you people actually come from....

Ermmm we give a shit and are not prepared to turn a blind an eye to cruel fuckers that are neglecting and damaging their children, either way some asshole posts that on fb and thinks it's OK - NEEDS HELP.

So many times you hear again and again of children who come to harm neighbours/others wishing they had the balls to do something...

Bearcrumble · 03/03/2013 22:05

Babies born at 36 weeks are considered prem by everyone else except you. I know the nhs think so.