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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset by friends facebook status - I know I probably am but find it genuienely distressing!

256 replies

RoseGarden123 · 03/03/2013 20:49

Saw friends facebook status about leaving her 6 week old DS to CIO to get him onto a healthy routine. this baby was born 4 weeks early. I text her to see if everything was ok. When she said she couldn't deal with doing the CIO but thought it was the best thing to establish a routine early ,I sent her a link to some info which I said had found really helpful in the early days. I'll admit the link was to some unconditional/ AP type parenting approach, her response was she didn't go in for the 'hippy' stuff and she wanted to make sure that her DS knew who was boss from day one and wasn't going to 'win' and after 3 hours he had gone to sleep.
I am not upset at all about her rejecting the info link, I sent it very tactfully and everyone chooses their own path in parenting but seriously CIO with a prem 6 week old, am I completely off the mark when I think this is very upsetting and worrying?!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 03/03/2013 21:05

Yes, Zavi Hmm . I don't subscribe to any of these so-called parenting methods. You do what is right for your baby and your family. 3 hours of crying isn't right for any baby though.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 03/03/2013 21:06

A friend of mine put a photo up of her sleeping 4 week old baby with the statement that she'd just "self settled, ie cried herself to sleep. Welcome to mummy day care darling!"

Made me feel sick.

Goldenbear · 03/03/2013 21:07

She sounds thick. DP had a friend who along with his wife used the same method. We were invited to dinner when the baby was about 4 weeks old and the baby was taken to her cot because it was, 'bedtime' and DP's friend told his wife, 'to close the door as we don't want to hear her crying.' - he was a complete wanker anyway but this ensured we never saw him again!

ChairmanWow · 03/03/2013 21:09

Would it not have been better to send her information relating to CIO which shows that it is unsuitable for young babies? She doesn't sound like an unconditional parenting kind of person so was never going to take it on board. At least getting her some sensible advice on CIO or controlled crying might get through to her.

Dahlialover · 03/03/2013 21:10

On the positive side, I know someone, told not to feed her baby at night from the word go (in 1960s) and did so as she did not know any better. Baby is now a healthy mother of three nearly adult children.

No what I would do though. It would be interesting to see what happens................. or not :(

OxfordBags · 03/03/2013 21:10

You shouldn't let an adult cry for 3 hours, never mind such a tiny baby. And if he was born at 36 weeks, then at 6 weeks old, he is technically actually only 2 weeks old, IYSWIM.

I hate that 'show them who's boss' attitude, it is not just cruel, it's plain thick and ignorant. Honestly, I do sometimes wonder if some people have children just to have someone to wield power over.

EricNorthmanIsMyMaker · 03/03/2013 21:11

I wonder why some people have children!

sweetieaddict · 03/03/2013 21:12

What a revolting, uneducated, heartless bitch. I will be thinking of her poor, innocent son when I go to sleep tonight. You could always show her thread, the friendship will be over but it might save her son having to scream himself to sleep every night.

SirBoobAlot · 03/03/2013 21:14

CIO is vile. It's neglectful to let a child cry for that long, no matter how old they are, and no matter how much you like your sleep.

Makes me sick.

Lostonthemoors · 03/03/2013 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mackerella · 03/03/2013 21:15

What's wrong with calling a baby born at 36 weeks "premature", cansu? Any baby born before 37 weeks gestation is premature and will be monitored through their first year as such (adjusted age used to measure growth, development, etc) - not to mention increased health risks (jaundice, respiratory problems) from being born pre-term. Or how early do you think a baby has to be born to qualify as being "properly" premature, then?

sausagedogfan · 03/03/2013 21:15

Thing is OP, if she's doing CIO with a 6wo / 2w corrected, she is not going to react well to an article from a AP slant!

Personally, I think CIO is horrid at any age though I can understand if someone gets desperate because they are absolutely shattered. But to do it just because you think your baby "should" be in a routine and should "know who's boss" (wtf?!) is just cruel. I don't understand how people can't see that 6wo babies are supposed to cry and the parent is supposed to respond to it, and they are not supposed to sleep through the night. Great if they do, but it's not "normal", it's just luck.

My SIL is pg with her first and has told me she is going to do exactly that. I know that part of it is bluster because she thinks my parenting is hippyish and has made it clear she is doing everything different to me Hmm, but if she actually does go ahead and do it, well, I just don't know.

SirBoobAlot · 03/03/2013 21:16

And if that is her view on children, then honestly I would find myself no longer able to be friends with her. Show them who is 'boss'? Jesus...

HumphreyCobbler · 03/03/2013 21:18

3 hours Sad

timidviper · 03/03/2013 21:18

You can't control how anyone else parents their children. You offered your opinion and it wasn't acted on so you have to move on.

TerraNotSoFirma · 03/03/2013 21:18

That's very sad, it would upset me too if I saw a friend posting a status like that.
I hate the "show it who's boss" attitude, it's a baby who needs to be cuddled, Not some evil genius who needs to be broken.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 03/03/2013 21:18

Some people are shirt parents. You can't help that. I can understand why you feel really sad and upset for the poor newborn baby involved.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 03/03/2013 21:19

Shirt = SHIT.

Bloody ipad auto correct.

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen · 03/03/2013 21:19

She deserves to see this thread.

crashdoll · 03/03/2013 21:21

I think YABU for sending her unconditional/attachment parenting info but YANBU to find it upsetting nor for trying to help.

JollyYellowGiant · 03/03/2013 21:22

We used controlled crying. When DS was 7mo. I am comfortable with our decision and think it worked for us.

Despite obviously being an advocate of controlled crying in certain circumstances, I absolutely think that doing Cry It Out to a 6 week old is utterly mad. Poor, poor baby.

RobinSparkles · 03/03/2013 21:23

You can't leave a 6 wo to CIO, you just can't :(. I'm sorry if I'm being judgy.

Wewereherefirst · 03/03/2013 21:24

Three hours? That's fucking awful, I've cried for 3 hours as an adult and its horrible. I would never ever want to leave anyone for 3 hours to cry.

It's damaging.

That poor poor baby. I don't understand why some people have a baby and treat them as an inconvenience. Sad

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 03/03/2013 21:25

I think if you can leave your 6wk old baby to cry for 3hrs and not crack you may need some help.

Kiwiinkits · 03/03/2013 21:26

Sad. And misinformed. Poor baby. I hope she was exaggerating.

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