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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To say no to this request to bring a stranger to my DN's party tomorrow?

124 replies

WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 00:04

It is DN's birthday tomorrow, I have organised her party.
It's going to be quite big, 25 kids have RSVPed, plus there will be family.

SIL (my other brothers wife, not DN's parents) has just texted me with "Its ok if I bring my friend from work tomorrow isn't it. She is really good with kids and she is staying with us this weekend so I said she could come to the party"

I have never met or heard of this person before, but I feel as if it would be UR to say no.
The thing is I was with SIL last night and she never mentioned this friend visiting.

So WIBU to say actually SIL no it isn't ok to bring some random stranger to our neices birthday party.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/02/2013 00:08

Um, yes, a bit. Sorry. Another adult who is good with kids can only be a good thing with 25 child guests.

But it would have been better if she's asked if you'd mind, rather than assuming, so I can see why you're annoyed.

HollyBerryBush · 09/02/2013 00:08

Let me think about this.

What harm will it do if your SIL brings her house guest? how will it upset the equilibrium of the party? at best, she is a balloon bender extraordinaire, at worst she sits quietly in a corner.

Startail · 09/02/2013 00:10

She isn't a random stranger, she's a friend of a member of your family.

If she's visiting SIL can't simply leave her on her own.

I doubt she has two heads, you never know she might be good with the kids, friendly and you might like her.

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:10

Oooooo! please have my very first Biscuit

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2013 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 09/02/2013 00:11

Does it matter? Be nice!

anonymosity · 09/02/2013 00:12

I think its very cheeky of them to bring someone to your party who is in fact, a total stranger to YOU. But saying "no" might make things awkward for you after....

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:14

Flip! Sorry OP I thought you meant the people asking were the DN's parents!

Crap, I withdraw my Biscuit and issue you with my first apology Grin

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 00:15

Sounds like a totally normal request.

She didn't just turn up with the person, she's stopping at your SILs house so not a total random, it's polite for your SIL to ask for her to come along too.

Would the parents of your niece be OK with you telling people they can't come?

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 00:17

Grin That would be bizarre lindsay.

'No, your friend can't come to your own DDs birthday party'

'WTF?'

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:18

Say yes and rope them into cleaning up afterwards. If they are good with kids then they are good with mess and the art of making it go away.

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 00:21

We are having the party at a staffed venue, with 4 members of staf 'assisting' with the party, plus there will be all of my family (9 adults) helping so I don't think we would really need an extra pair of hands.
We have asked that parents dont stay (unless they really want to) as their isn't really anywhere for the parents to just sit and watch.

I think it's the fact that I have no idea who this woman is, and that SIL chose to ask at midnight the night before the party to ask that makes me want to say no.

Nobody else has ever met/heard of this woman either, it's not just me.

I don't know if the woman is staying with SIL, I find it hard to believe that she would be, as SIL and DB are going to be visiting a sick relative straight after the party and it's a good 4 hour drive there and back so the wont be back until late, and they are coming to our house for lunch on Sunday and the friend has not been mentioned in regards to those. I think she is just visiting for the day.

OP posts:
justmyview · 09/02/2013 00:22

I think it's a bit cheeky of SIL, but would be awkward for you to say No. Hope she is helpful.

Viviennemary · 09/02/2013 00:24

If this person is staying with your sil I think it would be reasonable to let her come to the party. After all it's not just a small family affair or for close friends ars your expecting 25 kids. Just let her come. Can't see the harm in this.

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:24

I know zigzag Blush ! (got carried away)

eternal you are lovely for doing this for your DN, it's up to you but it sounds like she wants to come to the party so why not let her? Smile

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 00:26

DBRO is a single father and I help out with DN a lot (she stays with us 2-3 days a week)
DB has left all of the party planning up to me as last year was an utter fiasco when he planned it so DB is happy for me to make these kind of decisions yes.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/02/2013 00:26

She'll be a Cruella type

Wanting to make herself a coat and handbag from the skin of young children

You mark my words OP

You're right to view her with such huge suspicion....

Sashapineapple · 09/02/2013 00:30

YABU Yoiur SIL knows her. It will be fine and an extra pair of hands will always come in handy. Chill out.

Sashapineapple · 09/02/2013 00:30

Your

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:32

[hidesbehindworra]

Why are you so suspicious of this woman???

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/02/2013 00:33

YABU

What's the problem?! I wouldn't think twice, of course it's ok. The things some people get narked about are completely beyond me!

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:33

Do you think it's a "set up" for you single DBro?

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:34

Your ... sorry

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/02/2013 00:36

Shock love the way your thinking lindsay

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/02/2013 00:36

*you're