AIBU To say no to this request to bring a stranger to my DN's party tomorrow?

[WeAreEternal]

It is DN's birthday tomorrow, I have organised her party.
It's going to be quite big, 25 kids have RSVPed, plus there will be family.

SIL (my other brothers wife, not DN's parents) has just texted me with "Its ok if I bring my friend from work tomorrow isn't it. She is really good with kids and she is staying with us this weekend so I said she could come to the party"

I have never met or heard of this person before, but I feel as if it would be UR to say no.
The thing is I was with SIL last night and she never mentioned this friend visiting.

So WIBU to say actually SIL no it isn't ok to bring some random stranger to our neices birthday party.

I think letting her come is the right choice.
It was obviously a date clash and the choice means SIL mising the party or leaving a house guest alone. Maybe they just thought it was the more sociable /polite option?

I don't think SIL is rude to assume it would be ok. Lots of people would think turning up is not a problem. I would ask and check but I wouldn't think too badly of someone who assumed it would be a non issue.

Hope the party goes well.

I have spoken to DBRO (SIL's DP) and he has said that SIL bumped into the woman last night and the woman asked her if she wanted to go for lunch today, and SIL said I can't I'm going to a party, but you can come with me if you want.
Or something along those lines.

The woman is not staying with them, and nothing was pre arranged (so no date clash)
DBRO said he had never met the woman before last night but she seemed nice, although he isn't quite sure why SIL needs to see her today and can't do it another time.

Wow, way to make them feel welcome. Either say 'yes of course' or 'no, that won't be suitable'. 'I suppose so' is very teenagery.

I was always taught that if you invite people then that includes any guests of that household.

So you should of course extend the invitation to your sister's friend. There is nothing weird and cheeky about it at all.

Completely off topic but my only point arising from this thread is that you are faciliatating your dbro in allowing his wife to treat your dn as if she doesn't exist.
What will dn take away from this as an adult? Her dad and his wife go off to london for half the week and she stays with her aunt? More problems in this set up than some random pitching up to her party.

Then definately let her come.

I would be really curious to meet the kind of woman who says

' no? You can't make lunch? But the birthday party of a child I don't know at a play centre with no other adults of my acquaintance sounds like my kind of do. I'll be there. What should I wear?"

There can't be many of those. I would want to meet her. And have some kind of 'SIL stories which actually don't make much sense' award.
It's all very exciting.

I'm suspecting that SIL is not overjoyed at the thought of spending her afternoon with hundreds (it will feel like it) of screaming children. And has invited a friend so that she has someone to talk to?

(had DD's party as similar soft play recently, I found it tedious enough and that was my own child)

What folkgirl said

I think you're completely and utterly over thinking this, I wouldn't have given it a second thought

Id hate to see how you deal with a real issue!

Where is this party being held? Royston Vaizey? because if this is how you treat well meaning acquaintances I hate to think how a complete stranger at the venue would be treated. Flaming pitchforks on the birthday cake instead of candles?

I have never taken a stranger as my guest to a children's birthday party.

SIL works with children, she adores DS and DN, I can't see her looking at it as needing a distraction from the hideous children's party. But I could see her saying it without even thinking that it would be an issue.

It is not that I have a problem with other people coming, it is just that she asked so last minute and it is someone we all don't know.
If she had been a house guest, or one of SILs closer friends then I could understand it and it wouldn't be an issue at all.

Well, I think it's an odd thing for SiL to do! If she didn't want to have to deal with the children there will be other adults at the party to talk to.

How many of you honestly invite random work colleagues to a family party?? How many of you, if invited to someone else's family (who you didn't know) children's party, would actually want to go??

Especially when the original suggestion was just to meet up for lunch?

Weird.

Is this all you have to worry about ?.

That was a genuine question .

Since when did BEING FRIENDLY and HOSPITABLE become equated with being 'weird'? This thread is so bloody depressing. Gd forbid your children grow up to be the 'stranger' who nobody wants invited.

That is EXACTLY it Nanny (I am terrible with explaining things well but you have perfectly described it).

The point I was making (and why I find it weird) is who thinks 'I fancy spending my Saturday afternoon at the party of a child I don't know, with a family I don't know as the guest of a work collegue that I don't really know that well and don't socialise with outside of work.'

OP, I think you're right. I'm just horrified by the sheer hide of your sister in law. It's like she thought this was some kind of informal family thing that she would be welcome at, whereas it's only through the grace of god and convention that you could suffer such a classless ingrate at one of your events. And now you're expected to tolerate her guests too? Are you not doing enough? Where will this end? Slices of cake eaten, their witchy, cronish voices above the sweet melody of invited guests singing happy birthday?

I say cut the utter bitch out. Send her a withering refusal and blank her in the street. It's not like she's even in your family. She only married in so who does she even think she is? Back in her box.

I find it strange that this woman invited your SIL for lunch, but somehow appears to have been invited to a child's birthday party. I guess the conversation went something like this:
Stranger: "Hello Eternal's SIL, shall we do lunch tomorrow?"
SIL: "Sorry, we're going to DN's birthday party, but why don't you come with us?"
Stranger: "Er, OK.". Whilst secretly thinking "Shit, why did I agree to this? I wanted a nice lunch, not have jelly and ice-cream thrown at me".

But what I find even stranger is that you've given this any more than a nano second's thought. It doesn't impact you at all; you don't have to feed her, give her a party bag or even talk to her.

Jemma1111
Maybe it is all she has to worry about, maybe it isn't. Does it matter?
But this thread has generated 97 posts. Therefore helping to keep AIBU going.

Was your question U? IMO, yes.

But I also quite like MsVestibule's take on it too.

And, shockingly, many of us can worry about more than one thing at a time

I am able to fret about famine in the third world and the extraordinary orange tint of Peter Andre at almost the same time.

Apocalypse made me laugh

apocalypsethen

"she only married in"

wow! some of the best relatives I have "married in" and we keep in touch with all but one of my uncle's ex-wives still calling them aunty.

is there really a hierarchy of family members that puts in-laws at the bottom of the pile?!

they're people lovely enough that a member of your family chose to spend the rest of your life with them! why wouldn't they be worth caring about?