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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To say no to this request to bring a stranger to my DN's party tomorrow?

124 replies

WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 00:04

It is DN's birthday tomorrow, I have organised her party.
It's going to be quite big, 25 kids have RSVPed, plus there will be family.

SIL (my other brothers wife, not DN's parents) has just texted me with "Its ok if I bring my friend from work tomorrow isn't it. She is really good with kids and she is staying with us this weekend so I said she could come to the party"

I have never met or heard of this person before, but I feel as if it would be UR to say no.
The thing is I was with SIL last night and she never mentioned this friend visiting.

So WIBU to say actually SIL no it isn't ok to bring some random stranger to our neices birthday party.

OP posts:
lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:36

Is she single?

We already know she's good with kids...

Plus she wants to be there...

kim147 · 09/02/2013 00:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 00:39

Definitely not a set up, DBRO isnt single.

I'm not suspicious of this woman at all, I'm sure she is lovely. I just think it is a little strange and rude of SIL to invite a stranger to DN's birthday party.

OP posts:
MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 09/02/2013 00:39

What exactly is the problem here?

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 09/02/2013 00:40

Why?

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/02/2013 00:40

Oh I'm so disappointed!

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 00:40

If there are 9 family and 4 staff you're not even going to notice her.

Plus she's hardly going to get up to anything unsavoury with 13 adults around.

Greensleeves · 09/02/2013 00:42

I agree with Startail

lindsay321 · 09/02/2013 00:46

Oh Well...

[wandersOffWithBiscuit]

...

[TurnsBack]

Are you sure ?

Ok then,

She's probably just a normal person visiting your SIL and it happens to coincide with DN's birthday. Please don't stress and enjoy the party!

SomethingProfound · 09/02/2013 00:54

YANBU to be annoyed, your SIL asking you at such short notice is cheeky and puts you in an awkward position. Is it possible she got her dates muddled up and double booked and is now stuck?

However YABU to say no on the basis you don't know her. Your SIL and other DB know her and clearly think she is trustworthy enough to attend.

Do you trust their judgement? If yes then let her come.

There is also the possibility that excluding their friend will mean they are unable to attend themselves. So really it boils down to what is more important to you, them being there or her not?

StoicButStressed · 09/02/2013 00:54

Cautionary tale dear OP:

Used to have annual firework party, big do, lots of people, but - pretty crucially all knew each other and the firework party drill (which bloke brings the biggest rocket competitionGrin; lots alcohol; even more food; mega firework music synched to fireworks) - in short, it was a blast (sorry, couldn't help myself there....)

One year, just through naive stupid sense of kindness/obligation friendly gesture to ex-work colleague who had moved nearby, we invited him, his DW (who we had met couple of times), and their triplets. Knew they were very boring wallflowers wouldn't be life and soul of party, but never stopped to consider how simply that could/might affect dynamic of events. Sure it might just about have been fine had bloke in question not called couple of hours before event to say his DW's DS was staying (err, that suddenlyConfused?) so could they please bring her too? Caught on spot, didn't want say yes as would mean someone literally didn't know from Adam would be there for this annual giggle of a ritual where all knew all, but felt obliged to say yes.

Never, ever, EVER have I regretted being so very British in the manners department. The unknown DS had aura of morbid depression around her; her, the bloke we'd invited and his DS AND the triplets spent whole evening on a bench against back wall just necking food with a glory that was matched only by their collective misery and all round oddness. Was like having a grey elephant in room garden whilst all else partied around them, but nada doubt their presence dampened proceedings.

So nope, if rest of guests are family/close friends and DN's chosen mates, I don't think you ABU. And I think it's a tad odd/weird cheeky to have asked so late too. Any of that help OPGrin?

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree · 09/02/2013 00:54

I cannot stand the presumption in her wording - that alone would get my back up. BUT, I don't see the problem in her bringing a friend who will be staying with her all weekend. I'd see it as the more the merrier!

Startail · 09/02/2013 00:59

Don't worry I won't greensleeves I'm an out spoken opinionated sod.

Greensleeves · 09/02/2013 01:02

me too Grin

Startail · 09/02/2013 01:03

Oh and come to think of it I only met DH because someone invited a friend non of us knew to tag along at something.

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 01:04

It might just be me Stoic, but I can't help but read your post wondering if the colleague was mortified at realising he'd gatecrashed his whole family onto people who may not have been very welcoming who knew each other intimately.

I mean, c'mon, your post's not exactly charitable Grin 'The unknown DS had aura of morbid depression around her' Grin I'd rather have that than a covert dregs emptier getting more pissed by the second.

aftermay · 09/02/2013 01:06

I don't know why you've taken so against the idea. I think if it was a boyfriend, an old aunt visiting you'd have been more welcoming. But then, it's your party...

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 01:09

Sorry Lindsey

I know you are right, and she will be a nice normal person.

But I just can't help thinking that it is weird and cheeky (thanks for the word Stolc) that SIL would want to bring a stranger to DN's party. I mean she cant be a particularly close friend as I have never heard of her, I doubt she is from too far away (far enough to need to be staying with them) as DB has said SIL works with her, and she only works part time in a local pharmacy.

OP posts:
OutragedFromLeeds · 09/02/2013 01:10

Perhaps they were scared of the drunken fireworks? I'd be up against the back wall fearing serious burns

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 01:14

Yes aftermay but if it was a boyfriend or an old aunt we would know them, unless it was a very new boyfriend, but since we speak often and spend a lot of time together it would have to be a very new relationship, and then I don't know why you would want to bring them to a children's party.

OP posts:
piprabbit · 09/02/2013 01:14

I'm very jealous that you've found a party venue that allocates 4 staff members to a group of only 25 children. I'm used to going to parties where there is a lone, bored teenager trying to run the whole thing. Can you give me a clue as to the sort of party so I can look out for similar ones in my area.
Thanks

WhichIsBest · 09/02/2013 01:16

Hmm. I had to ask to bring a friend to a party last minute when she left her husband and came to mine to stay the night before.
I didn't explain it all to the host because it wasn't my business to explain. I didn't want to leave her alone all afternoon as she was miserable and I didn't want DD to miss the party.
I knew it was a bit weird, probably, but I didn't think it would cause any real upset. She didn't take a party bag or anything, just sat at the edge with me!

Oh dear. Whoops.

StoicButStressed · 09/02/2013 01:16

Nope Agent, all def welcoming - in fact introduced them to each and every one else there, all of whom tried valiantly to engage them. And all of whom failed as much as we did. Didnt' help that they wouldn't let their (8 year old) triplets have sparklersHmm; that the DW' DS said it was all very loud (it was a FIREWORK party missus!) and complained it was cold (in November eh? What a turn-up huh?) Frankly the 'covert dregs emptier'Grin would have been an improvement! (Oh, and when they arrived and were offered customary mulled wine - and all other species of drinks availableBlush - said no ta as we're not drinking in November because next month's DecemberConfused. I genuinely think they came as wanted avoid feeding six so stuffed themselves here instead!

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 01:17

It's good to be aware of the adults around the children you love, OP, but because this person would have no direct access to your niece, and because there will be so many people around her at her party (including her dad), I can't see it as any risk to anyone.

You don't know the staff who are going to be there, presumably? Unless you're thinking anyone who has contact with your DN has to be CRB checked, which would be impossible/impractical.

It's not your party, it's for your niece. If she's there on the sidelines, won't you be too wrapped up in the party to even notice her?

Your SIL isn't rude to think along the same lines, people tag along to all sorts of organised events, weddings included, it's usually not seen as a big thing (from where I am).

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 01:21

' I genuinely think they came as wanted avoid feeding six so stuffed themselves here instead!'

Hahahaha Grin fair enough.

Memorable people though, regardless (I've got an image in my head of a family like Spitting Images black and white John Major Grin)

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