AIBU To say no to this request to bring a stranger to my DN's party tomorrow?

[WeAreEternal]

It is DN's birthday tomorrow, I have organised her party.
It's going to be quite big, 25 kids have RSVPed, plus there will be family.

SIL (my other brothers wife, not DN's parents) has just texted me with "Its ok if I bring my friend from work tomorrow isn't it. She is really good with kids and she is staying with us this weekend so I said she could come to the party"

I have never met or heard of this person before, but I feel as if it would be UR to say no.
The thing is I was with SIL last night and she never mentioned this friend visiting.

So WIBU to say actually SIL no it isn't ok to bring some random stranger to our neices birthday party.

sorry apocalypsethen I just reread your post and spotted the heavy layers of sarcasm. my only defense was that I have just woken up from a rare lie-on and my humour-filter wasn't on yet!

Hahahahaha at Hellesbelles oops.

Yes I read the first bit with my jaw on the floor until I got to 'classless ingrate'

Pagwatch MEGA at your (in all seriousness quite accurate point vis most of us probably having a few issues ongoing simultaneously) GENIUS e.g. of it - 'Peter Andre's orange tint' - PMSL.

To be honest (and I am a rude and apparently also a inhumane bitch) I would just say:

"Sorry, not keen on you having strangers tagging along to the party, If you rather spend time with this friend, Iam sure DN would not mind too much ..."

Your Sils behaviour is thoughtless and frankly bizarre!

Unless you believe that she is bringing a murderer then I wouldn't see why not.

Unless, of course, your keen to vet the type of person at this exclusive, staffed event.

Many hands make light work and saying no to a reasonable request (and she did ask) will frankly make you seem petty. If I was told no I'd have to be given an absolutely watertight, compelling reason not to just turn up anyway.

Oi - anyone who has done so, can you please lay off OP?

tl:dr

Had to google that to decipher it Mardy - Urban dictionary:

Literally, "Too long; didn't read" Said whenever a nerd makes a post that is too long to bother reading.

Not a nerd; shame you can't be bothered to read but that's obv your call; no reason diss me for it though? Kinda proves the point I was making.

YABU and sound really mean.

Stocic Thank you for that. :)

I spoke to SIL before the party, I explained how I thought it was strange for the friend to want to come, but if she wanted she was welcome to being her friend.

So the friend came. And fifteen minutes after arriving she went to get a coffee from the cafe and never came back.

The party was fab, DN and all of the children had a wonderful time.

lol re sil-pal ditching the party she was so eager to attend. glad all had fun.

FWIW - I find aibu very bitchy (sorry to use a gender-specific word but no other term would sum it up) and not an area of the site I would start a thread on because of the responses I've seen.

Hahaha at her just fucking off after 15 mins

Glad they all had a great time though, agree with Stoic that she's lucky to have you as her aunty.

all that brouhahah for 15 minutess?

meh! I was hoping she was gonna do something totally inappropriate like start swigging gin and shaking her booty!

My thoughts on reading through, including the update is that SIL was concerned about the number of adult family members there and she wanted a 'back up'; once she felt comfortable then she allowed her friend to disappear.

Op; is there a back story? Has she not been made to feel welcome into the family? Have you made your feelings e.g. your post stating about her spending habits clear to her?

Im worried about the effect of having such a shit step mum, will have. Why does dbro think this us acceptable?

MardyArsed I am keeping some very odd/long hours at the mo so kinda beyond exhausted tired & hadn't seen your upthread post prior to your 'tl:dr' directly to me; only just seen it now as wanted check how Eternal DN's party went. You wrote:

Since when did BEING FRIENDLY and HOSPITABLE become equated with being 'weird'? This thread is so bloody depressing. Gd forbid your children grow up to be the 'stranger' who nobody wants invited.'

Am presuming you mean 'being friendly' in an observational sense as opposed to your personal MO? Since it really is kinda hard to reconcile those as your own personal qualities given your comment to me. I am firmly (but sadly) with HellesBelles as - to put it bluntly - if you don't have anything nice &/or constructive to say to OP or anyone else (i.e. me in above), then why bother writing anything? Reminds me of adage that 'if don't have anything nice (or in AIBU terms, constructive/helpful) to say, then say nothing'. And God forbid your children grow up thinking it's fine to be rude/nasty/dissing etc. Agree with you 100% though re it's 'bloody depressing'.

And Eternal, you're welcome and glad all went well.

I think you have got my posts mixed up cricketballs

SIL1 (DN's other aunty) bumped into a work colleague on Friday night, the colleague suggested lunch the next day but SIL said "I cant do lunch I have DN's birthday party, but you can come with me" she then text me assuming it would be okay. I was a bit put out as I didn't understand why she would want to invite a stranger to DN's party, but I wasn't sure if it was UR to say no so I posted in AIBU.
It he MN jury decided that I was BU to say no as the woman wasn't likely to be an axe murderer so I texted SIL and said it was ok to bring the friend.

SIL brought the friend to the party and she sat in a corner while we all helped, she obviously realised that she was just going to be sitting bored for the whole afternoon, but instead of making excuses she said she was going to the cafe to get a coffee and just left. But SIL didn't seem too bothered as I don't think she even noticed as she was playing air hocky with my sister for most of the party.

SIL2 is DN's fathers wife, she is the one who doesn't want to parent DN and spends his money like it is going out of fashion. (which is why he need to well paying job that keeps him in the city 2-3 days a week)

"the update is that SIL was concerned about the number of adult family members there and she wanted a 'back up'; once she felt comfortable then she allowed her friend to disappear."

I never said this, and this is completely wrong.

We all get alone with both SIL's perfectly well, especially SIL1, I consider her a sister and we are friends.
SIL2 has a lot of personal demons that attribute to the way she behaves. I don't like or agee with some of the things she does, but she isn't a bad person, and otherwise we get alone with her fine.

She may nor be a 'bad person' bur she will destroy your nieces self esteem. especially if your brother has more children with her...are they planning on having kids?

I don't understand why your bro would marry a woman who doesn't interact with his dd

Apologies op - it does look like I got the SILs mixed up, but why would you automatically think that the back up is wrong? Just because you never said it, doesn't mean its not true

'why would you automatically think that the back up is wrong? Just because you never said it, doesn't mean its not true' ???

Cricket - apart from my bafflement at above, separately I gotta say you are the first person seen on AIBU who has said 'apologies' post (no pun intended...) getting confused/saying something that was mistaken etc. I do just find it really beyond fucking depressing sad that you ARE the only person I've ever seen do it.

Thank I think stoic, but why the bafflement at my suggestion that the friend was a back up just because the op never said it?

Whenever I have taken a back up (in my younger years when meeting someone for a first date ) I never told the person I was meeting that friend was a backup

I think it's rude that she didn't mention it before but I would be fine with that person coming. You won,t even notice her with that lot!

BigAudioDynamite
They are not having children, she is planing on being sterilised soon.
He married her against the advice of most because he loved her.
She is not a bad person, she just has some personal issues.
She did attempt to parent DN but she couldn't cope and ended up having a breakdown.
Since the breakdown she has been receiving counciling for her issues and she has been visibly improving.
We hope that one day she will be able to help rase DN, but at the moment things are the way that is best for DN.

cricketballs
I don't understand what I have said that makes you think SIL would need a 'back up' at DN's party.
A back up on a first date make sense. This was however a children's party.
We have at least one family event a month and SIL has never needed a 'back up' before.
We are a close family, I have though of SIL as a sister and a friend for 9 years. She is very involved in family events and when she realised the woman had left she was genuinely bemused.

Also surely of she was planing to bring a 'back up' she would have chosen a friend not a virtual stranger who she only knows from occasionally working with.