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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be invited to a lunch if there is someone I don't talk to?

339 replies

Neverland2013 · 08/02/2013 22:46

I will try to keep it short. I had a big fall out with one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup' over a year ago. In the past, during a B'day party, I managed to be civil to this person but I am rather annoyed that one of my friends invited me as well as the other person to a Saturday lunch although she knows how I feel.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 08/02/2013 22:48

Well dont go.

Fuck sakes what is it with the world at the moment?

If you werent invited you'd be threading you were excluded because she was there.

Don't pull the invitee into your teenage games, I would assume you are an adult if you have a child?

KobayashiMaru · 08/02/2013 22:50

get over yourself. It's not up to others to remember and police the vagaries of your teenage style relationships.

Sirzy · 08/02/2013 22:51

Don't go then.

It's rather childish to expect friends not to talk to others/invite others because of your argument. Why should try have to take sides?

AgentZigzag · 08/02/2013 22:51

Could the other mum want to try to forget what happened?

It depends on why you fell out.

Anything serious?

SkinnybitchWannabe · 08/02/2013 22:54

Yabu. Why shouldn't your friend invite the other mum to lunch? She can invite who she wants.
Maybe it's time to forget the past and move on.

PatriciaHolm · 08/02/2013 22:54

Well, the world doesn't revolve around you. Assuming what you fell out about doesn't involve murder/ fraud/adultery, maybe she's hoping you can both get over yourselves and deal with it for an hour or so?

Whoknowswhocares · 08/02/2013 22:54

Seriously, you are still bothered after a year???? Unless she caused physical or mental harm to your family (although the term 'fall out' indicates a trivial issue) then for goodness sake let it go!Try to remember you are an adult, and act accordingly
What sort of example are you giving your children if you indulge in long term petty squabbles?

BackforGood · 08/02/2013 22:57

This reply has been deleted

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AgentZigzag · 08/02/2013 22:58

You can't say the OP's immature/childish/teenagerish unless you know why they 'fell out'.

I agree it's got nothing to do with the friend doing the inviting, but if she knows how the OP feels about the woman you'd have to ask yourself why she'd invite two people she knows not to be talking.

To just ignore it would create a bit of an atmosphere, not something you want when you've got people round, if only for the feelings of the other people there as much as the two friends who've fallen out.

HecateWhoopass · 08/02/2013 23:00

you mean you feel that she shouldn't have invited the other person, don't you?

Just decline the invitation, if you have a problem being in the company of this other woman.

Or go and just be civil. you are both adults, you can be civil to one another.

But you can't expect people to choose one of you over the other.

larks35 · 08/02/2013 23:00

YABU I agree with others that on the info given it all sounds a bit childish. If you had asked "AIBU not to go to a lunch as I don't talk to one of the other guests" then we would probably all say YANBU, but you seem to have taken offence at being invited!

SirBoobAlot · 08/02/2013 23:01

Depends why you fell out and how many other people will be there.

But realistically, if you're both part of the same friendship group, you will see her around.

MerylStrop · 08/02/2013 23:03

Is she trying to engineer a reconciliation?

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 08/02/2013 23:04

I think it's unfair to label the OP childish and to forget the past. We don't know what this woman has done to the OP. Perhaps this woman has caused the OP a lot of trouble but the woman hosting the lunch has said she's 'not getting involved' and this hurts the OP as the other woman has behaved badly?

OP, I would just make polite excuses and not go.

almostanotherday · 08/02/2013 23:05

Would she be trying to get you two to patch things up?

AgentZigzag · 08/02/2013 23:06

Do you mean the friend inviting, or the friend she's not talking to Meryl?

Because I wondered whether the friend she's fallen out with could be trying to bring it to an end.

But if it was the one inviting, if it's got nothing to do with her, she'd be wrong to try and stir things up again.

ihearsounds · 08/02/2013 23:07

Omg, really. A person has more than one friend? Shock

timidviper · 08/02/2013 23:07

Having had a similar situation myself I can understand how you feel.

I just told all my friends that I felt very uncomfortable in the presence of this woman following her appalling rudeness so please don't invite me to anything where they knew she would be there. I told them I obviously didn't mind if they wanted to see her and would not be offended if I wasn't asked to something as a result.

Might be an idea to do the same. At least it's all out in the open then.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 08/02/2013 23:08

Your friend did the right thing imo. She is obviously friends with both of you, she can't invite one and not the other without one of you taking offence so she is leaving it up to you two to make the choice. Would you rather have not been invited?

Original poster
Neverland2013 · 08/02/2013 23:11

I wouldn't call this a teenage game and I am truly sorry that we are where we are. I don't expect everyone to remember but I would expect a 'close' friend to do so. The person I don't talk to knowingly gazumped us.

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 08/02/2013 23:11

You know there is such words as "no I can't attend but thank you" when you receive an invitation. Simple.

HollyBerryBush · 08/02/2013 23:14

She paid more for a house you wnated?

Thems the breaks I'm afraid.

In seriousness Op - what would you like to happen?

(a) you dont get invited but the other lady is invited
(b) the other lady not invited but you are
(c) the invitee/organiser doesnt play games and invites everyone and assumes everyoine can indeed decide for themselves whether to go or not
(d) no one ever has lunch ever again

Whoknowswhocares · 08/02/2013 23:15

Gazumping is horrible. It doubtless cost you money as well as the house you wanted.
It does not mean you can act childishly and not be civil, or to expect others to take sides. You don't have to like her. You don't have to go if you don't want to.
But it's unfair to expect your friends to put up with an unending feud or pander to EITHER of you. Yabu

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 08/02/2013 23:17

Sorry but that has nothing at all to do with your mutual friend. You are going to end up falling out with the whole group if you try and make them choose sides.

mynewpassion · 08/02/2013 23:18

Guess your friend is not holding a grudge.