Not wanting to be invited to a lunch if there is someone I don't talk to?

[Neverland2013]

I will try to keep it short. I had a big fall out with one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup' over a year ago. In the past, during a B'day party, I managed to be civil to this person but I am rather annoyed that one of my friends invited me as well as the other person to a Saturday lunch although she knows how I feel.

[earlierintheweek]

And what Maryz said.

[JenaiMorris]

Oh :(

We're still in ours!

[Hullygully]

Mary, the l.p. considered the other woman a proper friend. she told her of her intentions,

how, in any circs can the friend be excused?

she didn't say, oh I've seen that house, she didn't say anything, she sneaked off and used the info shed been trusted with re price to nick it.

as sneaky as your parents buyers, in fact worse, she was supposed to be a friend and have a bit of honour

[stradbally]

OP, seriously, YABtotallyU, have you heard yourself?? Life is just too short, if this is how you deal with something so petty I really hope you never have any real problems to cope with.

[Hullygully]

how is a betrayal of trust and good faith "petty?"

[earlierintheweek]

Maryz I agree. Also, surely the estate agent has a professional duty to get the best possible price for the house? And surely the first offer is always the least you think you can get away with? So it sounds to me like the "friend" was in a stronger position or able to complete quicker or there was more than one bidder (ie not just the OP and her friend)?

[Hullygully]

I don't understand the determination to put the op in the wrong.

[earlierintheweek]

Hully - I'm not trying to put the op in the wrong. Or the friend in the right. I think (genuinely not having a go) that this is one of those situations where it's all about perception and context. And it's one of those ones where there's three sides to the story - his, hers, and the truth.

[earlierintheweek]

I agree Maryz.

[gotthemoononastick]

Of course Hully is correct.The word 'friend is so overused'.You are very lucky to be able to count your friends on one hand.These would always think like the Op and Hullygully.

[earlierintheweek]

Pardon got?

[stradbally]

I just think the OP should get over it, life is messy. IMHO she should be glad she has friends who invite her to lunch, glad she has a house, even if it's not THE house, and glad that she belongs to the mumsgroup because she has children, which so many people are desperate to have and can't. I'm sorry if that all sounds a bit Pollyanna, and I'm not saying she hasn't been let down, but she should learn to not sweat the small stuff. Just go to the lunch and enjoy yourself. Having cancer has taught me this, and I really wish more people would learn it without having to go through cancer. I don't mean that to sound melodramatic, or make it be about me, but it's just true

[Hullygully]

it depends, I went through a "you are going to die" experience and it made me less tolerant of shitty behavior, not more

[Lambzig]

OP I think your ex-friend has behaved badly. I think she should have been open about going after the same house and not made up some obvious lie about her husband doing it behind her back. Therefore, if you dont want to see her dont.

However, I expect that your mutual friends just hear "she made a higher offer than me" and dont know the ins and outs (its also not clear as presumably you knew your offer had been turned down before completion?). As you can see from this thread, some people wouldn't think it was a big deal, particularly as ex-friend has apologised. Obviously you feel it is, but your friends might not and they want to include you in their social life. As a friend, I would probably have just kept out of it. I dont think you can expect the mutual friend to exclude her.

Also earlier I agree with you about not discussing money. My two closest friends have recently bought houses. I have discussed their moves endlessly, talked about feelings on moving, looked at photo's, been shopping with them for new stuff for their houses (as well as sharing lots and lots of non-housing related experiences with them), but I dont have a clue how much they paid for their new homes. I have a vague idea of one because I know the area, but it could be £100k out. Why on earth would they mention that? Doesn't make it the OP's fault, but I wouldn't discuss money either.

[Hullygully]

the discussing money thing is irrelevant these days, all paid prices can be found online btw

[earlierintheweek]

Yes Hully - but the OP told what she was able to afford to bid up to. Which is a slightly different thing?

[digerd]

Because OP has already said in former posts that she had put an offer in. 'friend' had not told her that she was house hunting. OP told her excitedly how she had found a house she liked and told her what offer she had put in and how high she go to. Friend still said nothing.
The other friends knew that "friend" had put in a higher offer, but didn't tell OP. One of the other friends told OP after completion. Agree with HULLY

[amillionyears]

I feel sorry for the op.

ino, there are at least 3 sorts of "friends"
A. Friends that you tell almost anything to and think you can trust. Would immediately ring up in an emergency and expect and hope they would help you out. May only have 2 or 3 of these in your life, and are very important.
B. Friends who you hope you can trust. More of these.
C. Looser friends, acquaintances, work colleagues etc.

As far as I can see, the op thought her "friend" was definitely the A variety.
But , when the friendship was put to the test, she turned out to be the C variety at best. I would be gutted too.

[Viviennemary]

I've not read all of this thread. To me gazumped means somebody puts in an offer, and it is accepted. Then somebody else comes along and puts in a higher bid which is then accepted and the first buyers told to get lost. Now if this is what happened in this case then the OP should find new friends. And if not then she should think again.

[amillionyears]

Oh, should say, agree with Hully!