Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my husband to be "friends" with a woman at work who

189 replies

mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:30

he propostioned for a relantionship/ sex previously (last year)?
he says he just wants to be friends and that i'm being unreasonable. i took him back on the understanding that he had nothing but professional contact. I think he has lost all rights to be friends with her, even if she did turn him down. he did admit if she had said yes then he would have left me for her so i'm very sensitive to her. AIBU?
i feel he has hurt me badly and i'm having trouble believing this is just about friends and i'm worried he has feelings for her as he seems more interested in being friends than being married to me.

OP posts:
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 26/01/2013 15:32

He wouldn't still be my husband if he had done that.

MrsBW · 26/01/2013 15:32

If your husband says 'I would have left for her if she said yes', and you took him back anyway, you have bigger problems than his being friends with this woman.

MrsBW · 26/01/2013 15:32

Left you for her...

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 26/01/2013 15:33

Seriously, why are you with him?

achillea · 26/01/2013 15:34

How long have you been together and do you have kids?

(clutching at straws to find a reason to work round this)

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/01/2013 15:34

You gave up all your power when you took back someone you were a second choice for. He had no respect for you then and none now.

I had a friend this happened to. His DP wanted to stay friends with the person she cheated with. Because she could.

LTB.

Pagwatch · 26/01/2013 15:34

Oh gosh
Why did you accept him back when he has told you that you are at best his second choice?

Original poster
mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:35

yes we have kids and we have been together many years

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 15:35

Holy crap. You're his plan b.
That can't feel nice.

frustratedworkingmum · 26/01/2013 15:36

He has eroded your self esteem to make you think you should be grateful that he skulked back to you after the other woman turned him down.

2 questions

  1. Why are you still with him
  2. Why is she still his friend?

He is a cuntweasel

HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 15:36

I mean, he straight out told you he's only with you cos she didn't want him.

Original poster
mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:36

i very nearly didnt take him back but he said he realised he loved us more than her and realised his mistake.

OP posts:
Original poster
mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:37

i feel second best :(

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 26/01/2013 15:37

It's not her you need to worry about.

He is telling you all you need to know.

He quite obviously doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings and if this woman gives the nod he'll be all over her like a rash.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 26/01/2013 15:37

No you're not being unreasonable, that's awful behaviour on his part. So what would happen if he propositoned Jeff again and she said yes? Sorry, he sounds an arse.

Original poster
mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:37

she is younger by a decade and pretty

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 15:38

He realised his mistake after she told him no and he wouldhave left you if shed said yes, but suddenly he reaises he did want you after all?
That's a good way to put it to make you feel less of a backup

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 26/01/2013 15:38

I don't think the issue is her in particular tbh. Your 'd' h propositioned another woman and said he would have left you for her. Even if he never talks to her again you will worry every time he talks to any other woman. At least with her you know she will knock him back, what about the next 'friend' he has? He is the problem, not her.

ENormaSnob · 26/01/2013 15:39

You feel second best because you are second best. And even that is optimistic.

Original poster
mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:39

he actually said that i had ruined his friendship with her.

not sure how as i havent doen anything but ask him not to contact her (there was lots of texting and facebooking)

OP posts:
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 26/01/2013 15:39

Jeff???? Her, not Jeff. Stupid kindle.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 26/01/2013 15:40

If you have forgiven his twattish behaviour, then act as though you have forgiven him.

Fwiw he would have been out on his arse if he were mine, kids or no kids, long marriage or short.

I couldnt forgive it so couldnt treat his as though I had.

Original poster
mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:41

so i'm not being unreasonable then to say no contact/friends?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 26/01/2013 15:41

He really isn't very nice.
YANBU. His 'friendship' with her is just insult on top of insult.

Original poster
mum382013 · 26/01/2013 15:42

i'm trying to forgive him but not to the extent of him being friends with her

OP posts: