to not want my husband to be "friends" with a woman at work who

[mum382013]

he propostioned for a relantionship/ sex previously (last year)?
he says he just wants to be friends and that i'm being unreasonable. i took him back on the understanding that he had nothing but professional contact. I think he has lost all rights to be friends with her, even if she did turn him down. he did admit if she had said yes then he would have left me for her so i'm very sensitive to her. AIBU?
i feel he has hurt me badly and i'm having trouble believing this is just about friends and i'm worried he has feelings for her as he seems more interested in being friends than being married to me.

[ScumbagCollegeDropout]

And print this thread and pin it to the bin bags....

You deserve better than this cuntweazle.

[Cervixfiddler]

The best way to get him uninterested in her is to make friends with her yourself. My husband had a full on affair, even moved in with her. After 6 months of intensive marital therapy, we decided to repair our marriage and that he would earn back my trust. Easier said than done, but can be done. My hubby wouldn't drop the "friendship" with her though, which killed me until I decided that arguing about it was never going to win the fight. So I openly requested to meet her. We met over coffee, both of us nervous of one another and before long we were chatting away like old buddies and formed a very close friendship. Before long hubby was (at my request) picking her up from work when she was stranded, helping her out with things she couldn't do herself. I even had him put in a telephone for her (in his name as she had a bad credit rating) because "shame, she didn't have any way to contact anyone" and various other things he'd generally have to do for a wife, but all in the name of helping out a dear friend. Trust me, he was outta there pretty soon after that. For one thing, nothing about him was personal anymore as we felt we could liberally discuss his style of making love and what his penis looked like (you need a freaking thick skin for that) and he was basically being sucked into managing two households and two women. With her on the phone to him every other day whining about her boyfriends and relationship problems, the strain quickly became too much for him. He dumped the whole friendship in my hands and ran in the other direction, learning very fast that being a good boy and staying home with his family was the better decision. It also annoyed the crap out of him that I ended up spending hours on the phone chatting to her, which meant he went to bed without me often, and never got half as much attention as he would have before I befriended her. I think it's fair to say I made him suffer. She has since met a man and moved on and we thankfully don't hear from her anymore. After so many years of marriage you quickly learn to become devious and that making a big fuss doesn't always win him over to your way of thinking. You have to sometimes go with the flow, keep a poker face, gloat silently to yourself and teach him that he should be careful what he wishes for. Hope that helps. Might be a bit of an odd way of dealing with the situation, but it really did work for me.

[giraffesCantEatNHSPotatoes]

You are worth more

[SquinkiesRule]

He only wants to be friends with her because he's making himself available in case she changes her mind and decides she wants him. Dump the bastard, he's only with you while he wits for her to take him on.

[Mosman]

Cervixfiddler - you are still sleeping with a man that you compared love making styles with another woman with ? Wow

[anonymosity]

The thing is, she TURNED HIM DOWN.
I think he's just being a bit of an arse and trying to make you jealous. He sounds manipulative. Why would anyone say they'd leave you if so-and-so were interested? What is that about.
I think he has low self esteem. You either rise above it or kick him out ,really.

[AnyFucker]

Cervix fiddler, your post is one of the saddest things I have ever seen on here

You certainly fought very hard to win a worthless booby prize there, didn't you

You don't respect men very much either

[FreePeaceSweet]

Cervix fiddler :(

[PessaryPam]

AnyFucker, would you stop pussyfooting around and say what you think*.

*Quite agree with you BTW.

[spiritedaway]

He doesn't give a shit does he. . i would say Jeff is welcome to the twunt. UA so NBU

[bickie]

As hinted - you have bigger problems than wanting your DH not to be friends with a woman he would have left if she said yes. Unless he's a saint (doesn't sound like one) do y really think he is not going to try again if he is negotiating a way to stay in friendly contact??? Have more confidence in yourself and tell him to change his ways or lose you. I had a married man constantly trying to 'befriend me' before I was married. I also said no - but didn't stop him trying. I wish his DW had been more assertive in telling him he was a slimy creep.

[bickie]

Wow - cervix - are you really giving that advice? Please OP do not go down that twisted road. No man is worth lowering yourself to that level. I would say harsher things - but I am guessing cervix yr self esteem is rock bottom so I won't.

[mum382013]

i'm not making friends with her. no way

[mum382013]

i'm booking counselling this week, but im not sure i want to stay with him. i dont feel loved at all.

[Foggles]

Good luck OP. x

The main thing is to start thinking about yourself & what YOU want in all of this.

[Branleuse]

whaaaaaat?

you can do much better

[AnyFucker]

You can decide this isn't good enough for you. He isn't good enough for you.

[mum382013]

after he left me and the kids in the cold waiting for him to lift our child into the car from her wheelchair after church today, i'm seeing how selfish he is. he slept until 11am yesterday and left all the kids care to all to me, more selfish behavour and he is supposed to be on his best behavour

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

I would point out - hes 40, overweight, has no clue how to make the woman he supposedly loves feel good and ask him if he really thinks he is such a catch.

I am sure the pubs and clubs on the weekend are full of blokes like him being laughed at by the 20 and 30 year olds...is that the life he wants for himself?

This girl knocked him back but she shouldnt be texting and calling him - he is not a friend he is someone who wanted to have an affair with her.

Good that you are having counselling - there are far worse things in life than not having a partner and your marriage is one of them!

[mum382013]

i'm begining to see he is not much of a catch

[suburbophobe]

He's no catch at all, better a "throw"....

[SwitchedtoEatingCheese]

Mum38, you said earlier you were jealous of ow. Well of course, because she did what you want to do, which is tell you husband to get to fuck.

You know that's what you need to do. He's already given you the ' I'll change ' line, and it was all bullshit.

Its not you that's at fault here, it's nothing you did or didn't do. It's him.

Ask yourself, would things be any worse without him? I bet they wouldn't. In fact I bet any difficulties would be vastly outweighed by the fact you don't have to feel second best all

[mum382013]

i think i'm going to do counselling then think hard about what i want.

[SwitchedtoEatingCheese]

I understand you might not feel ready to leave, it took me over two years from when I first posted on mn to finally pluck up the courage.

By all means try counselling, but remember that it's not you that has the problem, it was not you trying to run away with a younger man. It is not you making your oh feel like second best.