Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think i shouldn't have to pay HALF of the holiday, just because i have a child?

415 replies

WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 14:45

My two friends suggested we should go on a caravan holiday this summer with my 5yo dd (neither of my two friends have children).

We've decided on a self-catering Haven holiday and the total price is approx £450 for the week, including funworks passes etc. Only additional costs would be for food and transport, which we'd pay our own way on when we get there.

Anyway, my friends are expecting me to pay half - so £225 - rather than a third - £150.

They say it's because dd will count towards the price too.

I've just checked how much it would be for me and dd to go alone - on the exact same holiday - and it's still £450 - the same price.

The price is based on size and type of caravan, not how many people are in the group. And since the smallest caravan is 2 bedrooms, it's the same price.

(Hope this is making sense).

Anyway, i'm a bit peed off they expect me to pay £225 and they can just pay £112 each. They've reluctantly agreed to go thirds instead (£150) each, but have said it's just to shut me up, they're not happy about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BegoniaBampot · 26/01/2013 18:20

So if you are paying half, remember and toss for the room. Hopefully they will get the squishy double and you and daughter can have a single bed each.

Crawling · 26/01/2013 18:26

fair play op respect to you for backing down.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 18:42

Fair play op offering to go halfs is the right way to go here.

You have given me mild indigestion though Grin

Lovelygoldboots · 26/01/2013 18:43

Sorry but I am with worra on this one. Will someone explain to me how the op,s daughter is adding to the friends cost. I think your friends are expecting you to subsidize them and yanbu and shouldnt go. I think most people haven't read the op properly.

charlearose · 26/01/2013 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 18:43

Not sure if you've been haven before but the singles are very very very small!

I probs go for double with dd if I had the choice unless she's a right wriggler.

Kalisi · 26/01/2013 18:51

Thanks rubygates I knew something good was going to come out of following this thread all day Grin

foreverondiet · 26/01/2013 18:54

Fairest is to pay per bedroom - they are happy to share with each other, you share with your daughter. Sorry think you are being a bit U, and think half is fair.

If they didn't want to share and you ended up with a 3 bedroom caravan then would be fair to pay a third each.

curryeater · 26/01/2013 18:55

a. If some adults share a self catering place on holiday, and one couple has a baby in nappies (consumes nothing else because ebf), and there is a kitty for food and booze etc, do the adults who have the baby pay separately for nappies, or is that just cost thrown in to be divided by number of adults?

(just taking advantage of all these opinionated people to settle something that has had me pondering for a while)

Part b: does the same solution apply to fags, if one adult smokes and the others don't?

PickledInAPearTree · 26/01/2013 18:56

You pay for your own nappies (for your own actual baby) and fags but I don't see which path your leading me down here! Grin

curryeater · 26/01/2013 19:02

OK pickled that's what I thought, but others (irl) disagree. (not my baby) (not my fags) No tricks, I just wanted to know which side the mn gavel would come down.

HoratiaWinwood · 26/01/2013 19:09

I wouldn't expect to pay for someone else's cigarettes or sweets or Segway ride.

I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for DC's nappies either.

On the other hand, if everyone smoked, or had an infant in nappies, it might be more economical to buy in bulk and all take from the communal pot - like one does for food - without counting/measuring the exact consumption.

StripiestSocks · 26/01/2013 19:10

Nappies & fags are specialist equipment, not shared. So the individual pays.

HoratiaWinwood · 26/01/2013 19:12

curryeater do you think that stems from some people thinking it means "splitting the supermarket bill" which for them has cigs and nappies and Fairy liquid in it, and other normal people thinking you split what you share?

I remember in the early days of Big Brother they used to have to budget really tightly and the difference of opinion about how much tobacco and alcohol formed part of a normal grocery shop was remarkable... Grin

Groovee · 26/01/2013 19:18

I have 2 kids and always spilt it according to the number of heads there. So when we went away with the grandparents I always paid for 4 heads and only allowed them to pay for 2.

EuphemiaLennox · 26/01/2013 19:18

OP if I was your friends I would be very impressed with your gracious acceptance of having been wrong and offering to pay.

Seriously, I'm not being sarcastic, its unusual for people to graciously retreat I find, and impressive when they do.

Good on you.

DamnBamboo · 26/01/2013 19:23

At what age OP, do you think you should paying for your DD to go on holidays? Hypothetically speaking, assuming this couple actually want to go away with you again, when do you think your DD should incur cost?

Aged 10, 15? What?

MrsMeeple · 26/01/2013 19:24

I've ploughed through the whole thread, and well done OP for being able to step back from your obviously strong convictions in the face of so many opposing opinions. I don't think your child should freeload on your friends, but maybe it is fair that you compromise together on a slightly lower share, as she is only a child.

Does it help if you think about it like this:

A~ A holiday costs the same for 3 or 4 people.
B~ If three adults go, they will act in a certain way, and have 1/3 of the space, 1/3 of the decision making power over what happens in the time shared.
C~ But there are four going.
D~ if the fourth person is a baby, the three adults will probably act in more or less the same way they did without the baby (any inconvenience falling mainly on the parents- provided there's no screaming all night etc).
E~ if the fourth person is a small child, say a five year old, that will have an impact on the behaviour and actions of the three adults present. They might modify their language. They will have to take her desires into consideration (eg "I want to sit there", or "I want the last bagel for breakfast", or "I want to watch my TV show now"). They will be expected to lower their volume after she's asleep. It will have an impact on their experience.
F~ if the fourth person is an adult, the four will each have 1/4 of the shared space, 1/4 of the decision making power, etc.

Can you see the difference between B and E? Because that's what I think is relevant here. Not rooms, or beds or whatever.

Then that there are two rooms, two twin beds, one double bed, three adults and one child to share those arrangements might be something that you as a group decide to take into consideration in your cost splitting. But unless there was a serious advantage to one part of the accommodation over another, I wouldn't be changing the share I expected someone to pay based on "you get 1/2 a double bed, while I get a twin bed". You work out what best suits the dynamics of the group relative to the accommodation available. In your case, I think it would work well for you and you DD to either have a twin bed each or share the double, so since you're friends are helping you to afford a holiday you otherwise couldn't, and agreeing to share with your DD, it would be nice if you let them pick which beds they want.

Good luck sorting it all out so everyone's happy. Would be a shame if your holiday is uncomfortable because of an earlier difference of opinion about cost sharing.

curryeater · 26/01/2013 19:28

Horatia, yes I do.

part c. If several adults are self-catering and they all smoke but one, (or all but one have a baby) should fags (nappies) still be deducted from the total before dividing by x (and then fags / nappies be divided by y, where y= x-1)?

Kalisi · 26/01/2013 19:34

Yes, If there are 4 of you and A,B and C are the only ones that smoke you divide the cost of the nappies by 4, then you deduct the answer from D's final bill for groceries at the end

Ofcourse it can become complicated if you all have different tastes and it may work out easier to just split the final bill evenly but Cigarettes are bloody expensive so the one not smoking is likely to come off worse if split evenly.

HoratiaWinwood · 26/01/2013 19:42

I suspect it would be fairer to smoke the nappies.

dayshiftdoris · 26/01/2013 19:43

WhistlingNun

I went on holiday with friends to Haven and shared the costs... In total there was 3 adults and 4 kids.

I paid half and they paid half... even though 'they' were husband & wife + 3 kids and I was one adult, one child...

I figured I had saved £200 and had company, which i am lacking on holiday as a single parent and finding people who are willing share with us despite all the particularities my son has is worth it.

I didn't even have a room!! I slept on the pull out bed!! My son had a spare bed with one of the other children.

By your working out I should have gone on holiday for nothing as actually it cost them nothing to have us there...

You are wrong and actually very lucky OP... I wish I could find someone to go on holiday with this year.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt · 26/01/2013 19:49

dayshiftdoris I think your pals pulled a fast one!

SweetSeraphim · 26/01/2013 20:00

Well done OP for realising that YWBU and sorting it out. It took a while... Grin but you got there in the end!

dayshiftdoris · 26/01/2013 20:09

No they didn't Dont

Because I approached THEM with the suggestion... for me to hire a caravan with Haven would cost £450 for a basic 2 bed and the 3 bed was £20 extra that week.

They paid for the food actually but I didnt mention that as we are taking about accomodation and we made our own way there...

I saved over £200 with my friends coming...