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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think i shouldn't have to pay HALF of the holiday, just because i have a child?

415 replies

WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 14:45

My two friends suggested we should go on a caravan holiday this summer with my 5yo dd (neither of my two friends have children).

We've decided on a self-catering Haven holiday and the total price is approx £450 for the week, including funworks passes etc. Only additional costs would be for food and transport, which we'd pay our own way on when we get there.

Anyway, my friends are expecting me to pay half - so £225 - rather than a third - £150.

They say it's because dd will count towards the price too.

I've just checked how much it would be for me and dd to go alone - on the exact same holiday - and it's still £450 - the same price.

The price is based on size and type of caravan, not how many people are in the group. And since the smallest caravan is 2 bedrooms, it's the same price.

(Hope this is making sense).

Anyway, i'm a bit peed off they expect me to pay £225 and they can just pay £112 each. They've reluctantly agreed to go thirds instead (£150) each, but have said it's just to shut me up, they're not happy about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 26/01/2013 17:06

So do that then
Go by yourself with your child and pay 450

Or you could be grateful that your friends are effectively halving the cost of your holiday and stop being fixated on this idea that your daughter should be free because you think its right.
They don't.
Why can't you just be happy you get to take your child on holiday for 225 accom.
Why do you want to force your friends to pay extra when it really sounds like they were only doing it in the first place cos you did the whole want a holiday my child can't have a holiday come with me or I can't afford it thing.
Your opinion is not the only one that matters.
How your friends feel is equally important.

EuphemiaLennox · 26/01/2013 17:07

But you're not sleeping on the sofa, you've got a room!!! So that hypothetical discussion I'd irrelevant.!!!! Arrrgh.

You have half the rooms available, and half the bed space used, so you should pay half.

If you've discussed it at length with them along the lines of the discussion on here then I can see when they finally agreed to pay, because there is no reasoning with you.

YABU and v obstinate.

I imagine they are very pissed off, will not be asking you again, and in the future you will have to suck up the reality of paying for your child when you go on holiday.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt · 26/01/2013 17:08

If your DD didn't come would you or your friends get another friend to come?

Stropzilla · 26/01/2013 17:08

If you value these friends, apologise and pay up.

GobTheGoblin · 26/01/2013 17:08

OP invite 2 more friends to go as well. They can split the cost 50/50 with your other friends then you and your daughter can sleep on the floor and go for free.

Crawling · 26/01/2013 17:09

Op YABU you should pay half what you are saying is you shouldnt because it is the same price whether or not your dd is there. But by that logic your friends could say they should pay nothing because it will still be 450 whether or not they are there do you see why this would be unreasonable. Pay half and get over yourself.

GoLadyEdith · 26/01/2013 17:11

Dear God my head's hurting reading Whistling's stance on this.
Whistling you have choices here:
1.go with your dd and pay £450. That's right, £450. You have a room each. You pay for her as she's a child without her own money.

  1. go alone (if someone will take your dd) and pay £450. That's right, it makes no difference if she's with you or not.
  2. Go with your friends, A and B. They share one room and you and D share the other. 2 'groups' in 2 rooms. Seems sensible to pay £225 'per room'. You pay for your dd as in 1. COS SHE HAS NO MONEY OF HER OWN.

They're already subbing you by sharing the cost, you can't expect them effectively to pay for your dd too, especially when you keep going on about her "making no difference". She shouldn't make a difference, to THEM, not to you.

And as an aside however lovely your dd is, if I were childless I wouldn't relish sharing caravan space with someone else's small daughter. They're sucking this up for you too. so dont piss them off even more.

scarletforya · 26/01/2013 17:12

What i don't understand is why i should pay for her to share a bed with me, or a room with one of my friends, or sleep on the floor when the bed was going spare anyway and her presence costs nothing more

Because without your friends there would be no 'spare' bed or no beds at all....see?

Your friends are doing you a favour by going along. Instead of being delighted about this you are sulking because you don't want to pay her way. You want them to.

But no good deed goes unpunished I suppose.

By studiously ignoring everyone who points out that you are using your friends I can only conclude that you know right well you are freeloading but don't care. I don't buy your earlier claim that you're not good with figures so you 'don't understand'. I'm shit with figures and even I can understand you're trying to pull a fast one.

ENormaSnob · 26/01/2013 17:12

Fucking hell gob, don't give her ideas.

PureQuintessence · 26/01/2013 17:12

I must have lived a very sheltered life. I did not realize that it was possible to reach adulthood and even moterhood and be that unable to see other peoples point of view..

PureQuintessence · 26/01/2013 17:13

The bed would not be going spare, it was her bed. Or you could invite a 4th adult to sleep in that bed.

PureQuintessence · 26/01/2013 17:14

Ha ha, maybe you could all contact Haven and say that you will ALL be sleeping on the floor, so the caravan should be free! Grin

Stropzilla · 26/01/2013 17:14

Op does get that she is BU but is looking for ways not to be because she is tight.

FeltOverlooked · 26/01/2013 17:15

OP, have you read about the five ways of managing conflict:

  • win / lose
  • problem solving
  • compromise
  • avoidance
  • accommodating

Right now, you have taken a win/lose approach and your friends are accommodating you.

That's fine, if this battle about paying for the holiday is the only time you will ever encounter them, if you don't value your long-term relationship, and if you don't mind an awkward holiday.

If you want to stay friends and have a pleasant holiday, I suggest you move toward a spirit of compromise or problem solving.

GobTheGoblin · 26/01/2013 17:15

Just trying a different way to get the OP to see how unreasonable she is being ENorma. Grin

RedHelenB · 26/01/2013 17:16

2 bedrooms - cost gets split in half
3 bedrooms then a third if you have your child in with you
SIMPLES!!!

FreePeaceSweet · 26/01/2013 17:16

Crikey, what sane adult without kids would choose to go to Haven?

Exactly! The OP and her dd obviously mean a lot to these two ladies which is why they are going along and chipping in the cost. Why the OP is throwing this back at them by demanding they pay more is obviously getting to them. Even after this selfish behaviour they are still going and putting up with her suggestion "to shut her up"? OP I'd have politely cancelled on you by now. You must mean a hell of a lot to them.

ivykaty44 · 26/01/2013 17:17

I went on holiday to a rented cottage with two girl friends and our five children between us.

So each adult is counted as two points and each child is counted as one point = a total of 11 points

The total cost of the cottage and ferry was £2200, so each point is worth £200

I had to pay £400 for myself and £400 for my two children so £800, my friend with one child had to pay £400 for herself and then £200 for her one dc and friend three paid the same as me as she also had two dc.

Fair for everyone

Callmedoe · 26/01/2013 17:18

Well this isn't how it comes across in the adverts

takeonboard · 26/01/2013 17:18

Why did you ask if you were being unreasonable? Almost everyone has said YES YABU and yet you are still arguing your point!!
Friends don't give "free child places" and you shouldn't expect them to.
Pay your way.....

TidyDancer · 26/01/2013 17:19

Tbh, I think you're lucky to have two understanding childless friends who are willing to go away on holiday with a child. Most child free people I know wouldn't even contemplate it!

You keep harping on about the way they have calculated it not being by room. This is a red herring. The fact is, if one of your friends decided not to go, the cost would remain the same to the group as a whole. You are focusing nor the wrong thing.

Bottom line, there are four people going, therefore the cost is split four ways. Just because one of the people going is legally responsible for another one of the group, it doesn't mean the cost is reduced. And your DD not increasing the cost doesn't change anything either. If none of you went, the cost would be the same.

You really need to suck this one up and pay the half you should be paying. You will not be going on holiday again if you don't pay your fair share. Your friends have very specifically told you how unhappy they are about you not paying your fair share. Take the hint.

Original poster
WhistlingNun · 26/01/2013 17:21

Okay, had a quiet think.

I can see it's fair i pay half if i am using one room and they are sharing.

If, however, they change these sleeeping arrangements, i won't find it reasonable at all.

Ps - there are a few of you on here who are incapable of expressing an opinion without being really mean and offensive. It's difficult to take on board everyone's advice when people are calling you names inbetween. Not once have i called any of you a pain in the arse or stupid because i didn't agree with your post. Uncalled for.

OP posts:
Stropzilla · 26/01/2013 17:22

Why would they change the arrangements? ?

FreePeaceSweet · 26/01/2013 17:23

Yeah but not everyone called you a name so really... you can't get mad.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 26/01/2013 17:24

Thats because we are not being a PIA. You on the other hand are being massively frustrating with your inability to see that YABU!!!!