Dimwitted cousin, ill-judged pregnancy and announcement of baby shower

[BupcakesAndCunting]

Backstory here

why oh why am I setting myself up for another arsekicking?

Just got a text from cousin's mum (my aunt) as cousin does not have my number (intentionally actually) "Hi jst so u no my baby shower will be in June so dont make eny plans!" (forwarded message written by cousin)

WHAT??

So 1. You're doing a fucking save the date for an occasion designed for people to lavish gifts upon you? Hmmmm kay.... and 2. No-one can make any plans for the entire month of June, lest they miss the chance to come and shower you with gifts?

Would I BU to text back "Just fuck off"?

Stable door and bolted horse, Sally

Its not enough to just be peng

You have to be preggers and peng, innit lol

Best get yourself knocked up then gel.

you HAVE to go to it!! and report back

i have so many people like this on my FB, i keep them on there just for the entertainment value

I'm only just not pregnant, dd2 is 4wks old, I've no time for getting all fat and angrier again. In dps words, "your even more of a bitch when your pregnant dear"

I love

"boils my piss"

And

"being a snob = having standards"

Fantastic!

I have a distant cousin like this. Keeps having babies who keep getting taken into care, then has more. She grasses up her boyfriends to ss, they grass her up to ss! Its madness.

Her dad who is a lovely man now has custody of some of the children and i think she's managed to keep the rest. Poor kids!

I've had to block her updates as they were making me mental! The ones about the size of her boyfriends cock tipped me over the edge.

(the backstory thread was very amusing with all the text speak )

Cuzzii has a midwife appointment today. I wonder if there will be a gender reveal?

Boo, sometimes people just piss you off. Doesn't matter if you haven't seen them face to face, you could have heard something from someone else or seen something on facebook that has pissed you off. My Mum regularly pisses me off and I hardly see her anymore.

Bupcakes, your cousin should only ask you to save the date if she actually has one. If you don't want to go, don't go, make your excuses - 'sorry, I'm washing my hair' should do it.

I'm probably going to have a baby shower :) We're moving before the baby is born and it's just an excuse to get all my girlfriends together at the new house before our bubs arrives and I start to look like the walking dead. I will definitely not be expecting or asking people to bring me gifts, that's appalling! And most of my friends have children of their own and money might be tight so I would never imply a gift was expected, I'll go out of my way to make it clear a gift isn't required! It will be an afternoon of laughs, drinks and food with my friends and family. The gift thing is too american for me.

Fair dinkum, LuckyGirl. If you're just having a get together with mates pre-baby then that's not a baby shower, so you're fine. When are you due?

I did have a thought of horror last night though.... I had a baby shower! In my defence though, I didn't organise it, I didn't even know about it until I got to Pizza Express where I thought me and DH were having a meal together and found all of my friends sat at a table waiting for me. I am such a divvo though that I didn't click for ages. I stood there going "Why are you all here? How weird!" This despite there being three massive helium baby balloons on the table. What a dunce. My mates still rip the piss out of me for it now.

Bupcakes, you are keeping me sane.

I have nc but had to let you know that you are not alone! I cannot bear attending the bloody parties with her spouting idiotic statements about how textspeak Id dooo anyfing for my kids cos I love em innit. I want to sink my head in the trifle because it is clearly untrue. I wonder why I bothered to study hard and delayed having children because I was saving hard for for a deposit and stamp duty while my layabout SIL draws benefits with no intention of getting a job, involves herself in criminal activities and thinks that the pinnacle of achievement is another baby out of her clacker by random men. She also manages to find the money for designer clothes and declares that she cannot be 'bovvered' to work, cos she gets benefits innit. These are not benefits while she is temporarily looking for a job or due to illness, disability or anything else, they are purely a reward for her laziness, low expectations and arrogance. She believes that she deserves them as a payment for goodness she bestows on society by breathing. Her daughter is clad in new clothes and drops her coat wherever she happens to be when she walks though the door. textspeak maw princass gets want she wants when she wants coz her mummy loves her

I remember reading your original thread! Sadly, I can relate all too well. I have relatives a lot like this; think school is a waste of time, never left the neighbourhood, only socialize with those of said neighbourhood, the babies are raised by the grandparents because "being a parent is the hardest job in the world n i need a break onc n awhile."

In the past I have helped out, only to be taken for granted. I'm never invited over for a visit, but baby showers and birthdays I always get a follow up text after the invites are sent out to see if I can make it. With a list of gift "ideas." Oh so helpful

pushing another baby.

Bupcakes - that sounds hilarious. Did people start giving you cards and things and you were all "my birthday was ages ago! what's this for?" HAHA. I'm due in June :)

Linguistic - I just snorted tea out of my nose and all over my desk.

Love the condoms suggestion. Guaranteed her baby shower list will include:
Baby Uggs, a silver cross pram, lucky dip lottery tickets, some sort of head band with a bow if it is a girl etc.

What about the other people when you go to her parties Bupcakes? Isn't there always a delusional uncle who is on the cusp of becoming a 'mulwi-milliowaire' with his, never thought of before, business idea?

Nah I cottoned on after BF said "WE. ARE. HERE. TO. CELEBRATE. DUE. BABY" pointing at my gargantuan bump. :(

I got judged that night. By a waitress. I was 37 weeks and hadn't had a drink all the way through so when she asked for my order I said "Do you know what? I'd really like a bottle of Peroni please!" she did cat's bum mouth at me and said "Shall I make that into a shandy for you?" Errrrr,no. Give me the neat lager, wench!

Let me know your address LuckyGirl, I'll post you some baby Burberry Congratulations, btw!

Headbands will be purchased and also a mini football strip of the dad's preferred team, I would imagine. LOL at lucky dip lottery tickets TBF, all of my other relatives on that side are great! No delusional uncles or anything. If anything, my own dad is a bit new money but that's it really. Cuzzii is an anomaly.

Stable door and bolted horse, Sally
The condoms are to hold back the rest of the herd that will undoubtedly be trying to kick their way out.

I would have said "go on then, I'll make it up later with a few shots of sambuka". Would have shut her up!

Oh baby Burberry, how very lovely! Make sure you get the fake version from the market, bubs will only be in it once as we've got tons of things already, what with all the reminders and gift idea texts I'm sending out to everyone I know.

another baby out of her clacker

another baby out of her clacker

A suitable condom.

You sound like you don't like her,

pregnant women are allowed to be hormonal and excited,cheer up be happy for her.

God, I so wish I had the balls to be this much of a cunt

Bupcakes, I salute you.

I especially enjoyed: I am devastated, naturally

Come to me. I can give you lessons! I taught Hitler all that he knew. And Stalin. They were excellent pupils but alas, they could only hope to be a fraction of the cunt that I am.

Pahahaha!

Please go bups, I need to know if her friends bring those blingee dummies covered in 'diamonds' and the baby bottles -decorated with gems and a glue gun---- with diamond dior and channel logos a la my big fat gypsy baby shower.

Are baby uggs chavvy then? I only have them for her as I carry her in a sling a lot and her feet seemed all cold and vulnerable.