Dimwitted cousin, ill-judged pregnancy and announcement of baby shower

[BupcakesAndCunting]

Backstory here

why oh why am I setting myself up for another arsekicking?

Just got a text from cousin's mum (my aunt) as cousin does not have my number (intentionally actually) "Hi jst so u no my baby shower will be in June so dont make eny plans!" (forwarded message written by cousin)

WHAT??

So 1. You're doing a fucking save the date for an occasion designed for people to lavish gifts upon you? Hmmmm kay.... and 2. No-one can make any plans for the entire month of June, lest they miss the chance to come and shower you with gifts?

Would I BU to text back "Just fuck off"?

Mithercare? I certainly do feel mithered after a trip to Mothercare...

at 'utterly poisonous' Buppers. But actually that may be true as you did call me 'a nan' for using the Park and Ride.

It's true though, Sparkling. I'm a veritable cuntbag.

I'm only jealous of the park n ride. Any time I've been in one I've been surrounded by groups of friends and it just drives home how lonely I am :(

Sigh. Ok, am off to read the backstory.

Will return with my opinion decision, which will be final.

Are you Judge Judy, Hearts?!

Bupcakes is the cunt we all wish we had the balls to be.

Peach, I am touched!

Not like that you dirty perv.

YANBU

That was a roller coaster read what with all the Cunting and snobbery. I nearly pressed active at the mention of JK but with all the tears and laughter I couldn't see the button.

being a snob = having standards

^ this.

This thread makes me laugh.......but it makes me sad too

If you go to the babz shower then you will need a prezzie.......

May I suggest......

Something to wear

Or something to read

Or something to play with

Or a few sweeties

This thread is very funny.

But I am wringing my hands about 'peng'. Does it have a j sound at the end like minge, or the hard g like fog?

Damn, been outed by the OP

The Judge feels that more evidentiary proof is required, therefore the court adjourns until such time as the principal witness, one BupcakesAndCunting, is able to provide details, to wit, a description of said bubba showa after confirming her attendance in June of this year.

In other words have only got through half your other thread but as it's now past 10pm I have to stop MNing and go to bed

tired old bones

I can't read this whilst feeding the baby I'm laughing so hard at the dressing down buppers just got I nearly shook her off the boob poor child.

Bups, ill ride the park and ride with you, we can be angry lonely cunts together

I hate baby showers. Your umbrella gets ruined with puke and poo.

Text back

How can you shower a baby before it is born?

"
Bups, ill ride the park and ride with you, we can be angry lonely cunts together"

Can we sit at the back? All the cunts sit at the back.

Doodles, I LOVE those 'Whatevers' sweets. trust fucking Asda. Next time I do an online shop I am getting some and I am going to pop "minger" in DH's lunchbox, as a heartwarming surprise for when he is at work.

Bups, my dear you are a legend. You must take one for the vipers and go and send us updates

I have just moved abroad and my parents joined Facebook so they can keep up with our news. Since then they have made friends with all the reletives they could find, who have then asked me to become friends, which I did because they were relies and what the heck they can't be all bad as they are my relies, sort of thing. OH.MY.GOOD.GOD I sometimes lose the will to live reading the Essex contingents posts. I have lived in Essex and thoroughly enjoy being there and always defend Essex people when I hear stereo type type things but they match the 'Essex' stereo type to a tee. I couldn't believe it, I really didn't think people wrote and thought that way AAAAARRRGGHH!!

I'm a snob.

Im not a snob, I just have standards.

I like that, I am going to use it a lot

Nothing wrong with being a snob Ranty, babs. Snob is an insult levelled at people that don't eat their dinner with their hands and know who their babby daddy is.

Apropos of fuck all, why do peng pregz types call their foetus 'bean' or 'jellybean'.

YOU ARE NOT ORIGINAL, NOVEL, CLEVER OR AMUSING.

The g in peng is pronounced as in Ming (the merciless) which is how I FEEL when dd calls something peng.

GetOrf, when mah cuzzii got her scan back, she uploaded it to FB. Fine. No problem with that but honestly, it resembles a grey blob. All of her mates are on there going "OMG babez he got his daddahs lipz"

Pfffffffffft.

Also, offers have been made to buy the bubbah all the pink or blue fings wot it will eva need then.... cuzzii says "I ay brest feedin never so whoo gunna bye me sum formula???"

WTF?

Of course we'd sit at the back bups how else can we cast our judgy eyes over the entire bus?

--i called my dd bean and still do at 4yo, I can assure you I am not peng--

U r so meeeen not liking yer coz isit cos you is jel of her honeybub?

Oh State babes, you are TOTALLY peng.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but I would just send a pack of condoms.