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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a little bit off to host a party for your dc with a sleepover for a select few immediately after?

131 replies

Mintyy · 12/01/2013 18:41

So the 'b' listers get collected and the 'a' listers get to stay the night.

Only serves to make the b listers feel a wee bit shite?

OP posts:
MarmaladeSkies · 12/01/2013 18:42

YANBU.The sleepover should be held on a different night.

OddBoots · 12/01/2013 18:43

That does seem rather mean, it's not something I've known happen, has someone done this to your child?

littlewhitebag · 12/01/2013 18:43

Happens all the time with my DD's friends. None of them think anything of it. The closest friends stay over, the others go home. What is the problem?

Guitargirl · 12/01/2013 18:44

YANBU, that's just mean.

Emandlu · 12/01/2013 18:44

Sounds perfectly normal to me. It's happened at parties my kids have been to. No big deal, there just isn't enough room for everyone to sleep over.

ClaraBean · 12/01/2013 18:45

I think it depends. If the party is 6 kids and 2 are collected and 4 get to stay over, that might be a bit off, but a party of 20 kids and a couple staying the night is fine. You can't have everyone to stay over.
This has happened a few times in ds's group, sometimes he is at the sleepover and sometimes not. It doesn't seem to bother him if he doesn't stay over

TheMonster · 12/01/2013 18:45

Yanbu.

FeelHardDoneBy · 12/01/2013 18:46

I agree with Clarabean, it depends on the numbers of children involved.

Panzee · 12/01/2013 18:48

I think it depends on whether my child is invited to sleep over or not. Wink

ArkadyRose · 12/01/2013 18:48

Sounds perfectly normal to me. It's not as if there's necessarily going to be space to host everyone for a sleepover.

BackforGood · 12/01/2013 18:49

YABU. Perfectly normal.
What fool would want a houseful to sleep over ?
Very, very, normal procedure around here. Indeed dd has gone to her friend's party tonight where this is happening, and ds has also gone to a party tonight where I think a couple are sleeping over (not ds).

AndABigBirdInaPearTree · 12/01/2013 18:49

I also agree with Clarabean, especially if only one or two are sleeping over.

motherinferior · 12/01/2013 18:50

Hmm, my kids never seem to mind. I can see how it could be upsetting if there is a very definite in-crowd though. Possibly I just have brutally insensitive children ...

Original poster
Mintyy · 12/01/2013 18:51

Why not do the sleepover on another night to spare the feelings of those children who are not invited? Because some of them will most definitely be hurt, no matter how much you don't like to think about it or don't care particularly.

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 12/01/2013 18:51

YABU, sounds fine to me, and I can see why the parents want to get the whole party done in one night rather than over two nights.

Meglet · 12/01/2013 18:52

I think it's a bit rude.

Rangirl · 12/01/2013 18:53

It does seem fairly common but I think it is a bit off and would not do it myself for any of my DC.But each to their own

NewYearsEvelyn · 12/01/2013 18:54

YABU. It happens. Kids get hurt even if they find out the sleepover was 2 nights before the party if they are that way inclined. Best to teach them now that they are not the centre of everyone else's universe, even if they are the centre of yours. That's how I dealt with it when dd was younger. Now she doesn't bat an eyelash if she's not invited to stuff or if she's omitted from any form of activity, even if it involves her bestest mates.

You can't have everyone to sleep and sometimes you don't want certain combinations of kids. Not a big deal.

Original poster
Mintyy · 12/01/2013 18:54

I wouldn't do it either although the childish side of me is tempted in a tit-for-tat stylee

OP posts:
SpicyPear · 12/01/2013 18:55

Agree it depends on numbers, and maybe age a bit. It's a reality that you are better friends with some people than others. Nothing wrong with that or getting DVD used to it. It shouldn't be a big deal, unless a minority are excluded.

Emandlu · 12/01/2013 18:55

Maybe that night is the only available night, maybe that was the night the parents had extra help, maybe the parent just thought it'd be easier that way. The children going home will only be 'hurt' if their parents make an issue about it. When I picked my kids up and others were staying over they asked why they weren't allowed to stay and I explained that there wasn't room and there was no problem. I really don't see the issue.

Picturesinthefirelight · 12/01/2013 18:56

Yabu. Dd has been to loads if parties like thay(&not invited to sleepover)

MerylStrop · 12/01/2013 18:56

We've sometimes had 1 kid out of 8 sleepover after a party, or the next door neighbour's kids refuse to go home hang about for ages after.

If the numbers were reversed I'd not do it, though

Original poster
Mintyy · 12/01/2013 18:58

"The children going home will only be 'hurt' if their parents make an issue about it." - disagree with this. The children going home will be hurt if they thought they were a close friend of the host but find out by this means that they are not particularly.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 12/01/2013 19:00

Depends how old the children are? By early teens this was standard because groups of 10/15 used to go to the cinema and Pizza Hut etf and then 3 or 4 would stay over.

Never knew it to happen at parties when I was younger though.

As a poster has said,depends on how many are attending as well. 2 out of 6 not getting to stay is odd. 3 out of 12 being able to stay sounds fine to me.

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