to think its a little bit off to host a party for your dc with a sleepover for a select few immediately after?

[Mintyy]

So the 'b' listers get collected and the 'a' listers get to stay the night.

Only serves to make the b listers feel a wee bit shite?

DD was recently invited to a birthday party where she was on the so-called B List. She wasn't BFs with the birthday girl so she was happy just to be invited to the party.

If she was BFs with the party girl AND she wasn't invited to the sleepover then I would consider it my problem and not the party girl's. Afterall, as the above poster has said, life does not revolve around the OP's DC and what might hurt his feelings.

I would have asked my DD to re-examine her friendship and suggest that she demote the girl to just a friend she casually chats to while in class since clearly the other girl didn't see DD as a BF.

Equally though, "life does not revolve around" the birthday boy/girl.

If it's not possible to have all the invitees to sleep over there's nothing wrong with having nobody sleep over.

I never knew this was an issue - quite normal round here - already children are sorted by being invited or not invited to the party. I think it's accepted that best friends may stay the night. I've never had an issue about not going to the sleepover. Can't you put a positive spin on it like "they want to see everybody but they haven't the space for everybody to stay but they did invite you."

LOL at "demoting" friends
That's not how it works, is it? Friendship?
I think it all depends on numbers and proportions
90% sleeping over = mean
20% sleeping over = fine
Rubbing people's noses in it in anyway = revolting

When I was little it was usually:
Morning: aunties, cousins etc come and go

1pm best mate comes to help set up, do hair etc. often children of parent helpers too

3pm rest of party arrive - about 15 of them

6pm end of party, all but about 3 go home

Sleepover for remaining 3

It was a pretty standard setup, except some people had their party at a place rather than at home.

You know who your friends are . There was a bit of fluidity but that was just what happened.