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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a little bit off to host a party for your dc with a sleepover for a select few immediately after?

131 replies

Mintyy · 12/01/2013 18:41

So the 'b' listers get collected and the 'a' listers get to stay the night.

Only serves to make the b listers feel a wee bit shite?

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 12/01/2013 19:41

I think it's a bit off, yes. But at least they're not trying to pretend it's because "there isn't room". That is the pits. I got not-invited to a wedding ceremony because "there isn't room in the barn for all the guests we'd like", slightly undermined by the fact that the reception I was invited to was in the same barn... Hmm

MrsSchadenfreude · 12/01/2013 19:41

I did this. The previous year we had had 16 for a sleepover and it was a nightmare. We had twelve for the party and two stayed over. It was easily explained - oh X and her husband are popping in for a drink - they only live round the corner, so E will go home later with them - you're welcome to stay for a glass of wine if you would like to, and F lives 20 miles away so she is staying and her Mum will collect her on the way to MK in the morning.

Startail · 12/01/2013 19:41

It's fine so long as the DCs all know before hand exactly what's going on and it's handled sensitively.

DD2's lot were very good at understand not every one could stay each time and swapping about on different people's birthdays.

If it's likely to cause upset, staying the night before or a different weekend may be wise.

MrsSchadenfreude · 12/01/2013 19:42

I like to think I was quite discreet about it. And it was only two of them.

TheNebulousBoojum · 12/01/2013 19:42

Happened numerous times with DD, sometimes she stayed, sometimes she didn't. None of the children seemed to have an issue with it, they knew who were the closest friends anyway.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 12/01/2013 19:42

Are your children actually as bothered as you are OP?

This is something I would get my knickers in a twist about but DD1 wouldnt bat an eyelid.

I have been to parties like this as a teen. Didnt bother me.

MadBusLady · 12/01/2013 19:43

I also think say five out of 20 staying over is different though.

TotallyBS · 12/01/2013 19:44

Mintyy: I take it that you invite the whole of your DC's class to the birthday party. After all, I'm sure you don't want to hurt the feelings of any one who got left out.

Similarly, when you got married I take it that everyone got invited to the sit down meal instead of close family and friends to the meal and the rest to the disco afterwards.

Dancergirl · 12/01/2013 19:48

YABVU

Its life. No wonder we're raising a nation of wimps who get upset at the slightest thing if we expect our dc to be invite to everything.

Tiggles · 12/01/2013 19:49

DS1 is friends with lots of girls. They often have sleepovers for their birthdays but just invite him to the party part. I'd always assumed it was because he was a boy, must be he is only a b-lister Grin.
We often have DS1s best friend to stay overnight and then have a group of his friends arriving the next day for a non-birthday party. Never occurred to me that they would be feeling offended and lesser mortals.

Toughasoldboots · 12/01/2013 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocoluvva · 12/01/2013 19:51

Completely agree mintyy - it's not horrendous, but you couldn't use it as an example of being thoughtful or courteous!

Dancergirl · 12/01/2013 19:52

What I don't get about parties is how on earth people know exactly who is and who isn't invited? Do you ask each person or what? Isn't it better sometimes to be blissfully ignorant?

fifitrixibell · 12/01/2013 19:52

my dd was invited to a party where this happened - she was one of the 'a' listers, but I know she'd have been upset if she hadn't been - as would I at her age (9). Maybe how you feel about it depends on your personality - I am always a bit insecure and think I'm boring and that no one likes me so I would take a 'snub' like that as confirmation! [needy emoticon]

It was a bit embarrasing dropping my dd off with an overnight bag, and other mums saying they'd be back at 8, but they didn't seem bothered.

Yfronts · 12/01/2013 19:54

would only be acceptable if party boy had one friend to stay over and the rest went home.

DoodlesNoodles · 12/01/2013 19:55

It totally depends on numbers. If it is a normal party but one friend stays over then it's fine but if a whoe load stay over then it is a bit off. Even if it's just one friend they shouldn't talk about it in front of tHe other DC's

Toughasoldboots · 12/01/2013 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee · 12/01/2013 19:56

Well DD's godsister will be staying after dd's party in 13 days, but if at 12/13 they find that an issue, then that's their problem. I only have space for one extra child and her mum and dad won't be home for her to go home after the party.

chocoluvva · 12/01/2013 19:58

Aww, that's mean Tough.

I don't like evening wedding invites either.

lljkk · 12/01/2013 20:04

The children going home will be hurt if they thought they were a close friend of the host but find out by this means that they are not particularly.

But, but, but... that happens all the time. They fall in they fall out they break up they make up. I get daily updates from DD with the same names who are in out in out in out of friendship with each other.

I only think it's off (maybe) if more people were staying than left. That would be a bit sharp.

DD's 3 best mates have had 2 birthday sleepovers without her in last 4 months. She's grown up enough to not let it bother her. Lesson to be learnt there, methinks.

RubyGates · 12/01/2013 20:05

YABU. Would you rather your child had not been invited at all?

It's a life lesson: you get invited to nice things and enjoy them, you don't then whine that you weren't invited to another treat. How rude.

It's like complaining that although you were given a present it isn't as nice as a present someone else was given and therefore you won't be grateful, you'll whine about it instead.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2013 20:09

I wouldn't do this. On the face of it, maybe it does seem reasonable if people haven't got the space or inclination to have loads for a sleepover. But the ones left out can feel bad especially if they thought they were the particular friend and they find out they're not.

chocoluvva · 12/01/2013 20:11

You could equally well say that having a party AND having your favourites staying for a sleepover is spoilt and entitled though - it's my birthday I can do whatever I like.

Original poster
Mintyy · 12/01/2013 20:26

RubyGates: oh do be quiet! my ds isn't whining or complaining.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 12/01/2013 20:31

Not something I'd do personally - its obvious it is going to look like there are two tiers of guests and could lead to some children feeling left out. I personally wouldn't be happy with being the person responsible for upsetting another child in that way.

Not happened to us wither way anyway = definitely not the norm here.

DD has all class parties anyway (small class). If she has sleepovers they are are other times and separate to the party - and she will invite different people at different times anyway.

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