to think its a little bit off to host a party for your dc with a sleepover for a select few immediately after?

[Mintyy]

So the 'b' listers get collected and the 'a' listers get to stay the night.

Only serves to make the b listers feel a wee bit shite?

RubyGates, "a little bit off" is hardly whining or complaining.

Like others though one of DD's friends has been known to come back with us after her party, etc and possibly has stayed over. But we are godparents to her little brother and know the family very very well. But all the children in the class and their parents know this anyway - so definitely wouldn't be seen in a bad light at all. Think that is different.

It's more the - 12 to whole party, 6 to stay over type of thing I see as unfair/

Wow, you all expect your children to be pretty tough. MN is full of threads where grown women are getting upset about much smaller slights and exclusions that this (e.g. in NCT groups).

I disagree that it is no better if the sleepover takes place on another night. I would be hurt if I went to my book group and half of them were staying on for a sleepover (unlikely to happen, but you know what I mean). But if a sub-group arranged to go away for the weekend together, fair enough.

I am not yet at that stage with DD (thank goodness). But if she went to a party and everyone was talking about how the sleepover was going to be the really fun bit, while she had to go home, I would think it completely legitimate to feel hurt and upset, and certainly wouldn't write it off as whining.

Hulababy, agree that what you describe is different - and completely fine.

that has happened with my DDS I thought it was quite normal or not unusual ? i do think you over thinking it tbh was your child upset ?

We had a party back in October, there were eight girls at the start but only five stayed the night. But that was because two of them had to go somewhere early the next day and the third was on a partial grounding - her mum had said 'no sleepovers until Christmas' and of course had to stick to it. So it was the girls' own families who had set the rules, not us.

We have had selective sleepovers, but since this is a very rural area, the sleeping over ones are always those from villages that are miles away and the parents are very relieved not to come traipsing out to get them, especially the ones with younger siblings. The ones within walking distance know that x and y are staying over only because it makes their parent's life easier, not because ddtwins like them better than their other friends. And if there's room, the local girls are always invited to stay too.

To clarify, ddtwins are Year 9 (13-14 year olds)

It's about manners and the way you want your children to think about other people.

You want invite lots of people to dinner and tell half of them to fuck off afterwards. But it's ok because it's children. Nice.

That should be "you wouldn't"

Then there's no problem is there?

I don't think it happens here all that often.

I had never thought about this/heard of it until this week.. But today dd has been to a party, all of the class were there, 4 were staying on afterwards. There were definitely two different groups and it was a little difficult especially as the mums of those staying pushed off and the rest of us hung around...
To be honest it created more of an atmosphere with the mums rather than the kids, though dd is a little sad that she isn't having a sleep over

DD is having her first sleepover for her birthday.

I spoke to the 3 mums of the invitees - 1 said yes, 2 said no. So I did 1 invite for tea party + sleepover, 2 for just tea. Seemed best way to do it

It seems a bit excessive tbh.

Maybe these are parents who find it hard to say no to their children - isn't it enough for the birthday boy or girl to have a huge party? Must they have a sleepover as well.

I used to give my DCs the choice. Actually - I was too stingy to host a whole class do :o

Agree with op.
Either do a party, and everyone leaves at the end. Or do a sleepover with a few close friends. Not nice to exclude children.

YANBU it's not a nice thing to do.
Just read all the threads here on MN 'I introduced A to my friend B. Now they go out for a drink sometimes without me and I feel left out' and that's from adults.

YANBU. I hate all this kids party business! DS moved to a new school this year (into reception but most of the other kids went to the same nursery) and 2 or 3 kids have had 'whole class' parties with the exclusion of the couple of 'new kids'. Even at 4 ds was aware of the exclusion. Our kids are little people with feelings that can be hurt!

It's the adults who are hosting it - of course children fall out with each other - but the adults should be encouraging their children to be considerate.

If less than 50% were sleeping over then no probs - if out of 5 friends 3 stayed over I would think that mean for example.

YANBU. Rude.

Er do I know you? Did you collect one of the 3 that left dds party tonight and didnt stay like the rest? Everyone was invited to stay was up to the dc parents if they could or not.

No, not you Brandy!

(not everything is about you)

How old are the children involved?

This is perfectly normal at secondary school - fairly large group party/outing and 6 or 8 sleep over.

Primary school children tend to have hysterical mothers who are all far too concerned with popularity - as defined in the OP by A list and B list.