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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a little bit off to host a party for your dc with a sleepover for a select few immediately after?

131 replies

Mintyy · 12/01/2013 18:41

So the 'b' listers get collected and the 'a' listers get to stay the night.

Only serves to make the b listers feel a wee bit shite?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 12/01/2013 19:01

It's not particularly normal in my world, I think it's a crap thing to do.

Proudnscary · 12/01/2013 19:02

I don't think it's mean or rude!! Wow the things some people take offence at. Kids have best/better friends. Parents are entitled to ask just a few for a sleepover.

Clary · 12/01/2013 19:02

Yeh MI your kids is hard!

It's not unheard of but I agree it's best if it's a small sleepover following a big party (like, 15 at the party, 2 sleep over). I think ew have had it and no-one has been bothered. Honestly can't recall if I have done it...in our old house we certainly had no room for more than 2 to sleep over!

Why would youwant the party to go on for 2 nights? And yes, mightn't some be hurt that they weren't asked to the separate sleepover? Kids just need to learn that some people will be best mates and others just OK mates, and IME they do.

jamdonut · 12/01/2013 19:02

Why do a sleepover at all? What is wrong with having a party, then home?
I've never had sleepovers for any of my 3.(Mainly due to lack of space). They've survived.
Besides, when she was younger, the few sleepovers my DD went to I got calls late at night because she wanted to come home! She's 16 now, and is still not keen on sleepovers.(though she has done 2 or 3 without the phonecall home!)

ledkr · 12/01/2013 19:02

Dd has done this the last few years. Has ten kids for the evening. Watch movies make pizza do nails etc. then one stays for a sleepover. First year I was hugely pg so just explained I couldn't have too many last year dd just explains to her mates she's only allowed one and to be fair it's her best friend since nursery and she doesn't go to same school and her mum has four younger dc and can't get out to collect her later.

blinkinflip · 12/01/2013 19:03

Eek, I was thinking of doing something like this in a couple of weeks - please OP, whereabouts roughly are you?

Emandlu · 12/01/2013 19:04

We will have to agree to disagree then Mintyy, I know that my kids have been picked up from good friends houses and not been hurt when others were staying over. If there isn't room then there isn't room. It isn't personal.

ihearsounds · 12/01/2013 19:04

I have done it and I will do it again. I dont want all the invitees staying. More imoortantly my dc's choose who they want within a set limit. My limit is based on space. My children dont have to like everyone, and they accept that they are not as liked by others. Its the way life revolves.

The birthday sleepovers have been for an number of reasons - only time I can do it for a few months - other stuff arranged with the sleepers - stuff arranged with their parents ( have a laugh/meal/drink) plus other countlesd reasons.

Surely if children are dissapointed tey will be even if on another night?

TheBrideofMucky · 12/01/2013 19:04

Yes you'd feel a bit left out if you were in the "being picked up" group, wouldn't you?

They should either have all the children over or if not feasible, have a sleepover another night IMO.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 12/01/2013 19:06

Nah, is how things are done now.

Same as the Wedding Breakfast/Evening Do thing for A-lister and B-lister wedding Guests.

I don't see a problem.

Portofino · 12/01/2013 19:08

We did this for dd last year, but I checked with parents before sending out the invitiations. Dd was 8. Only a couple were happy to stay, so it all worked out fine.

Original poster
Mintyy · 12/01/2013 19:10

But it is adults being invited to weddings, not small children.

I am not saying its poisonous, abusive or horrible to do this, please note. Just a little bit "off". Imvho.

OP posts:
OddBoots · 12/01/2013 19:10

I guess I should just be glad that my dc either don't live in an area where this happens or don't have friends who would see this as an acceptable thing to do.

Sure, they are closer to some children than others but the relationships seem quite fluid and friendly, marking out relationships with an invitation division would start to make things cliquey and uncomfortable.

charlottehere · 12/01/2013 19:12

YABU if most children are going home.

MamaMumra · 12/01/2013 19:16

I wouldn't do it, but I like DS to be inclusive, so if he's having a party all the class get invited etc.

I'd do a sleepover on another night, so I think YANBU.

simplesusan · 12/01/2013 19:16

I think this is just life. Adults often have certain friends stay over whilst others go home. Its' to do with room.

Almostfifty · 12/01/2013 19:17

It has happened all the time here since mine were small. Never thought anything of it, it's not a big deal unless you make it into one.

ihearsounds · 12/01/2013 19:23

This will twist your knickers.

How about preparty a few select friends of party child go to the cinema. When guests arrive, they are already there.

Have done the above as well. Including a sleep over after.

BackforGood · 12/01/2013 19:26

I don't understand why some of you you think having a child to sleepover on another night changes anything Confused.
Your child is choosing 1 other friend to sleepover, that means that all the other friends aren't sleeping over, doesn't matter what day it is. Normal people just accept that. Only on MN would something like this be an issue. If I thought a child or their mother was going to get huffy about going home at the end of a party, my inclination would be to not invite them again. I think it's extremely rude, and 'entitled' to think your child should be invited to sleep over.

What almostfifty says ^^ is spot on. "Only an issue if you make it into one.

girliefriend · 12/01/2013 19:29

I think its o.kay, although I think its quite brave of the parents to have a party, get the kids really hyped up and then have a few of them all night Shock Grin

My dds having a sleepover instead of a party this year, just having 3 of her best friends over. I wouldn't do a party and sleepover

Butkin · 12/01/2013 19:31

Normal here. Only last week DD went to a cinema party (for 10yo classmate - all girls in year) followed by dinner at local restaurant. A couple of the birthday girls best friends went back with her mum for a sleepover as was Friday night.

The kids don't think anything off it. They know who their best school friends are and completely relaxed about not being invited if that is the case - just pleased to be invited to the party!

RedHelenB · 12/01/2013 19:32

YABU - my dds have been both a & b listers!

Bowlersarm · 12/01/2013 19:32

YABU The minefield of do's and don'ts of holding a children's party are getting more and more complex. If my DC's are invited to a party they either want to go or not and i reply accordingly. I'm pleased they have been asked and If there are other birthday celebrations in place like a sleepover it's irrelevant if it doesn't involve my child. My only problem would be if it obviously excluded just one or two children

BehindLockNumberNine · 12/01/2013 19:37

Ds is 13 and dd is 10 and we have never come across this practise yet. (unless ds and dd have always been b-listers and it was all done very discretely...)

I can see why party givers would want to do it this way, but can also see how for a young child it can be a bit upsetting to be whisked off home whilst a select few get to stay and have more fun.

oliviafrombolivia · 12/01/2013 19:40

This happened to my daughter at age 9 ish. Party for about 10 girls, her and one other were picked up, she had no idea others were sleeping over, she was hurt and upset..