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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be shaking and so upset about this

178 replies

pictogram · 11/01/2013 19:29

When my first dc was a tiny baby i met a group of mothere through an activity we did (baby sensory)

We would meet every week. Even when people went back to work after maternity leave we tried to meet up for occasional nights out etc.

Anyway, our dc all started school in september and i checked facebook recently to findout that one of these friends, who i though of as a good friendhas defriendedme :(

I had seen her probably 5 times in thelast year and thought we were all really close. When i messaged her to ask what was going on she said that it was nothing personal but that she felt we had all grow apart a bit and sne wanted to move on.

Aibu to be absolutely devastated by her splitting up our group in this way? Our dc have been friends since they were babies! I am sorry but i am just so shocked and devastated ladies :(

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 11/01/2013 20:58

she said that it was nothing personal but that she felt we had all grow apart a bit and sne wanted to move on.

I am still upset at how cruel shehasbeen

she
has
moved
on

you
are
needy

Dare I say - borrow my grip? I don't need it over a FB acquaintance I dont see or talk to regularly.

my dc are very switched on - really? Just really? So they mention these 'friends' every day do they? and demand to see/play with them do they?

giveitago · 11/01/2013 21:00

crap - I'm very close to my best friend - we see each other a few times a year as we both have bonkers lives. But we certainly don't play out our friendship on facebook.

I know some kids who my ds adores and I'm not friends with the mother or father. That's fine. I know kids who adore my ds and the parents are not that keen on me. That''s find. Your kid will now start to negotiate their own friendships.

Your own friendships are different.

Personally I couldn't stand the pre school 'friendships' they were false and smacked of desperation or loneliness. Much easier now ds has his own mind and makes friends with who he wants rather than have 'friends' that I've got for him.

Catchingmockingbirds · 11/01/2013 21:01

I had seen her probably 5 times in the last year

5 times in a year is not that much really. You both obviously viewed the friendship differently, don't let it affect you to such an extent. You sound very dramatic and completely over the top tbh, perhaps this is why she defriended you?

Take a big step back, have a deep breath and have another look at things. To be shaking, upset, and planning on sitting your kids down to explain, all over the facebook defriending of a casual aquantance is over the top, calm down.

TheSecondComing · 11/01/2013 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 11/01/2013 21:04

Bloody hell your dc's probably won't even notice, or care! Get a grip

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2013 21:06

Dear god why would you drag the kids into this?

They've seen her kids 5 times in the last year, they probably won't even notice.

DoctorAnge · 11/01/2013 21:11

Oh god don't sit your kids down to tell them
That! Poor things....

Yfronts · 11/01/2013 21:13

I think you can see each other only a few times a year and be close.

ImperialBlether · 11/01/2013 21:15

Am I the only one picturing the OP dressed from head to toe in black (little black veil over the eyes) sitting her children down to tell them the bad news.

"Who?" they'll say.

Or they'll respond to her tears and cry, not knowing why they're crying. All they will get from it is that someone doesn't like them. Who would say that to a little child? Especially when the friend probably quite likes the kids, it's the mother she's defriending.

Flobbadobs · 11/01/2013 21:18

I am actually a little worried for the OP's children...

FernandoIsFaster · 11/01/2013 21:18

This has to be a wind up. Surely.

Morloth · 11/01/2013 21:20

Well someone has to raise the next generation of drama queens.

Seriously though OP if you 'sit your children down' you will be the cruel one.

You are hurt so you think they need to hurt as well?

muddledmamma · 11/01/2013 21:22

Sorry, I havent read entire thread but here's my tuppence. I think it says more about the other person than you tbh. Has she unfriended anyone else in the group? Is she trying to alienate you or herself? Maybe she just thought her FB had grown out of hand and she wanted to make it a bit more intimate. She's gone the wrong way about it but there's nothing you can do about it except hope that one day she'll look back and see how rude she was.

I don't think YABU. You just both seem to have had a different understanding of your friendship. Dang, I HATE when that happens!

chaosisawayoflife · 11/01/2013 21:23

Scary stuff!

bishboschone · 11/01/2013 21:25

I understand exactly how you feel. I too had a friendship group who met through out first babies. The four of us had been through lots and lots together . We met every holidays and birthdays etc . Before the kids went to school every week but vowed we would stay friends when they started different schools . We did until this year when I got a text saying thanks for my friendship but it was now over and I was wished well.. Wtf!!! I am not normally an irrational person but I admit I was very upset . I replied by saying you don't get to end a9 year close friendship without a reason but I got no reply. I was and am still upset . SHE has ruined our lovely friendship with the four of us as now we are fragmented and seeing each other separately . I would never do this to anyone unless they pissed me off or did something to hurt me and even then I would just back off not end it so coldly . Their was no inkling all was not well just bang the end .. Weird.

SeeYouWhenISeeYou · 11/01/2013 21:27

OP how old are you?

Nancy66 · 11/01/2013 21:27

you sound very very immature - it's pretty clear why you were de-friended.

BegoniaBampot · 11/01/2013 21:27

Some strange threads around the past few days. Sounds similar tone to the lady who was over feeding her five yr old.

GloryWhole · 11/01/2013 21:28

I have a strong hunch that the OP's kids will deal with this with a lot more maturity than she has.

Catchingmockingbirds · 11/01/2013 21:30

Yfronts the other woman obviously doesn't think that.

WifeofPie · 11/01/2013 21:31

1). Facebook is silly. YABU to get upset about anything that goes on there.

  1. It's almost cliche to grow apart from your pre-natal group friends. People go back to work, lives get busier, kids get older and want to choose their own friends...it's a very transitory time.

I can understand that you feel sad, however, so {hugs}. You'll make new friends Smile.

NamingOfParts · 11/01/2013 21:34

I suspect the OP is planning to take a picture of her DCs' tear-streamed faces. This will then be posted on FB or messaged to the errant friend.

wannabedreams · 11/01/2013 21:35

Your dc won't care, seriously. We have been close to people before they started school who they never see now due to time mainly, they never mention their 'baby' friends really now and are far more interested in their 'school' friends....

Samnella · 11/01/2013 21:36

YANBU to be upset. Its always upsetting to be rejected particularly when you thought the other person likes you as much as you do them.

However, you do not need to tell the children. How would you break it to them?It will just upset them needlessly. DCs of this age adjust quickly and rarely form deep friendships at that age no matter what it may appear.

I was in a similar situation but the dumper rather than the dumpee as it were. I had met a group post natal and 5 years on there were still meet ups etc. Yes my children liked those children and even now 2 years on they occassionally refer to them. But I began to feel meeting them was a chore and as I worked 4 days a week my one day off was precious and to be frank I didn't want to spend it with a bunch of people I no longer had anything in common with. I had a bit of a personal crisis and it made me reallise these people were acquaintancies rather than friends. The children started school and my son went to a different school to them so it felt the right time to move on. I have to admit I haven't removed them from FB as we live in the same town so fear it would be awkward but I have changed their settings so they can't see everything I do and I don't see their posts. I am hardly ever on their anyway.

It's interesting how FB had changed all this. Being defriended can be hurtful as its so blunt. Would you have asked her outright if she had just gradually just stopped meeting/calling? I think its the abruptness and the certainity of FB which is a new thing and diffiuclt to deal with. I have been dumped over the years (only once or twice) by friends. I am sure I am not the only one. It's just life. It's been a subtle thing though. A gradual realisation that X doesn't call back so quickly or is less avaialble. There would be a while where you would wonder what was going on but then back off and see what happens. If nothing happens that answers that. I suppose being defriended is just more brutal and no questioning.

Greensleeves · 11/01/2013 21:37

I think you lot are being a bit mean

not everyone has oodles of friends and can afford to say "oh well, there goes another friendship, but I can afford to lose that one"

I can remember not many years ago having NO friends (due to all-consuming family pressures) and being desperate - chatting up other young mothers in the library and having what I now see as totally disproportionate importance attached to friendships which were probably quite casual to the other person

I can see why OP feels hurt and rejected.

But agree that sitting the children down and telling them formally is the WRONG thing to do, OP - they haven't got your emotional investment in this, you would be upsetting them unnecessarily