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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be shaking and so upset about this

178 replies

pictogram · 11/01/2013 19:29

When my first dc was a tiny baby i met a group of mothere through an activity we did (baby sensory)

We would meet every week. Even when people went back to work after maternity leave we tried to meet up for occasional nights out etc.

Anyway, our dc all started school in september and i checked facebook recently to findout that one of these friends, who i though of as a good friendhas defriendedme :(

I had seen her probably 5 times in thelast year and thought we were all really close. When i messaged her to ask what was going on she said that it was nothing personal but that she felt we had all grow apart a bit and sne wanted to move on.

Aibu to be absolutely devastated by her splitting up our group in this way? Our dc have been friends since they were babies! I am sorry but i am just so shocked and devastated ladies :(

OP posts:
oldebaglady · 11/01/2013 20:44

"Its not a facebookfriendship though!! We are reallife friends who see each other."

so did you actually interract on facebook?
I don't see the point in being facebook friends with people I don't communicate with on there, even if I am happy to see 'em in real life!

Original poster
pictogram · 11/01/2013 20:45

Ok. Well thank you. I am still upset at how cruel shehasbeen. I really though that as a group we had something special, in spite of our differences.

I will explain things to my dc, they deserve that. Sorry, i u derstand that many of you would conceal the truth but my dc are very switched on, and i dontagree with deceiving them in any case.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 11/01/2013 20:46

if you're this dramatic in rl then tbh I would have defriended you years ago.

oldebaglady · 11/01/2013 20:46

BTW, babies are not "best friends" with anyone, they are by default closest to their parents' friends kids, they have no choice do they? that falls away in school usually

exexpat · 11/01/2013 20:46

I agree - if you are that over-dramatic about everything, I'm surprised she hasn't dropped the friendship before. Please don't transmit this to your DCs. At that age, someone you have seen five times in a year is not a best friend.

merlottits · 11/01/2013 20:48

Jesus, what a drama queen you are. Your poor child! Just let it go, will you? I suspect your friend has been quite brave to escape your possessive obsessive clutches. She didn't like you that much. Get over it.

CheCazzo · 11/01/2013 20:48

Oh for fuck's sake! How old are your DC? Actually no - don't even tell me. Doesn't matter if they're 2 or 32 - it's still waaaaaaaaaaaaay crazy to share this nonsense with them.

You don't have to conceal anything fro....................

OP. Get a grip.

HTH

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 11/01/2013 20:49

Oh FFS she defriended you and then explaine that she felt you had grown apart, where has she been cruel?

Its not concealing the truth from your dc either, its just not telling them something they don't give a shit about either way and deliberatly upsetting them.

You need to calm down and grow up and put your childrens feelings before your own.

kim147 · 11/01/2013 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 11/01/2013 20:49

what are you going to say?

"X's mummy has been very horrid to me by saying she doesn't want to be my internet friend any more. That means we can never see any of them again"

are you still facebook friends with the rest of the group? You seem to have invested a lot of emotional energy into this group of people. do you have friends outside this group?

LegoAcupuncture · 11/01/2013 20:49

Oh for bloody hell sake, how are you deceiving your children? Are you always this dramatic?

Did she defriend you or everyone else as well?

Loquace · 11/01/2013 20:50

I will explain things to my dc, they deserve that. Sorry, i u derstand that many of you would conceal the truth but my dc are very switched on, and i dontagree with deceiving them in

It is not hiding the truth, it is about NOT making your children bit players in the soap opera of the day you have created put of thin air and a defreinding on facebook.

And your instinct to upset your kids for your own drama satisfaction may well be the reason why this woman has cooled things with you.

oldebaglady · 11/01/2013 20:50

"ooo they're best friends" is just adults projecting adult meaning onto kids cause it's cute and twee
like saying "ooo they're little boyfriend and girlfriend"

its rubbish, they are happiest to see the kids they see the most because they are familiar, and before school age that's exciting to kids. (usually it applies to more than 5 times a year "friends" though Hmm

shotofexpresso · 11/01/2013 20:50

YANBU,

its really unpleasant when people do things like that.
but I do thing you are being a little bit melodramatic, man up and move on!
just forget them.

Fakebook · 11/01/2013 20:51

Flipping hell, are you really going to tell the children? Please don't do that. Really thick thing to do. Don't plant that seed in their head.

Yes, it can be quite a shock when someone deletes you from Facebook. Just deactivate your account and save yourself a whole load of "shaking with shock/devastating" moments.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 11/01/2013 20:51

If you think she is being 'cruel' then why do you want to expose your children to her cruelty too? Your are their mother, it is meant to to your job to shield them from harshness and you are choosing to upset them for no reason.

I am starting to maybe understand why this 'friend' behaved as she did. She would perhaps offer us a different perspective on things as frankly I find your attitude to this downright odd.

CheerMum · 11/01/2013 20:52

oh no, how dreadful. op, maybe we should immediately set up a help group to help your family deal with this mega-crisis. let's arrange group therapy to ease your children through this, ultimate betrayal. let's all hold hands and then ring jeremy kyle to see if he can help...

ffs woman, are you 12? grow the hell up. jeez

Flobbadobs · 11/01/2013 20:53

The DC's aren't best friends. If they only see each other 5 times a year they will barely remember each other. Any babies in the group won't know each other at all.
Come off FB for a while and widen your circle of friends.

HecatePropolos · 11/01/2013 20:53

You've seen her 5 times in a year? That's not 'close'. Your children aren't at the same school so that means they've seen the other child 5 times in a year. That's not best friends! They're not going to be devestated unless you make a big deal about it.
I became acquainted with a small group of women through parentcraft classes. We met up for a bit but all we really had holding us together was the fact we'd done those classes and had our first children at about the same time!
It's not sustainable. I wouldn't know them now if I fell over them.
And there's nobody that lives within a reasonable distance of me but I see only 5 times a year who I would EVER think of as 'close'. Maybe she doesn't feel that you guys are close? Maybe, for her, you're someone she used to know. Iyswim.
That's not a reflection on you, or necessarily a rejection of you, but people hook up at particular times in their lives because there's something to bind them. Take that away and there's nothing left.
Try to not upset yourself. These things happen. Don't make a drama out of it, just focus on making new friends. It'll be ok.

Meglet · 11/01/2013 20:55

This is why she has defriended you on FB.

Speaking to your DC's about it is daft, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

oldebaglady · 11/01/2013 20:56

as for "splitting up your group"... is she preventing the rest of you staying in contact if you want to??

KobayashiMaru · 11/01/2013 20:56

Woh, drama llama alert! I can see why she ditched you.

Fakebook · 11/01/2013 20:57

let's all hold hands and then ring jeremy kyle to see if he can help... Grin

...then let's all sit around a campfire and sing Kumbaya to ease the pain of this devastating loss.

CheCazzo · 11/01/2013 20:57

As a matter of interest - when did your DC last ask you about these 'friends'? And what did you say then?

Thingiebob · 11/01/2013 20:58

I agree with other posters. Calm down. Surely you can meet up with the other members of the group? Message them individually and invite them out for coffee and so on. So what if this lady has moved on. Were there not others?

Make other friends and so on.

What did you say in response to her response? The only proportionate response really is just to say 'Oh, that's a shame. I really enjoyed our meet ups. Best of luck with everything and if you ever want a coffee or catch up, you know where I am'

It may not be anything personal.

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