To get angry if DW leaves her job without real consultation

[Seekingthezone]

Found out the night before it was going to happen anyway that DW had negotiated her exit.

She had moaned for a couple of years about the job and people and I offered support during that time but
when it came to the crunch I was not consulted and left as sole earner whilst we do depend on both incomes to maintain the current lifestyle.

It was presented as a done deal and I was told by her that she did well to get what she got blah blah.

Am I the only one who thinks OP is having an affair and trying to justify his reasons for it....?

OP is trying to justify something, quite what exactly is unclear. He is certainly attempting to solicit support in his contempt of his wife.

In Oct the OP posted a thread on here about his DWs complete lack of sex drive.

He nows says she was miserable in her job for 18 months, left 6 months ago and her redundancy payout has mysteriously vanished.

I think she is probably as seriously unhappy. And i would be wondering if she is planning on ending the relationship, and is taking steps to secure her future that she's choosing not to discuss with her husband.

sorry, random "as" in 4th line there

Just had a read of the other threads myself. The OP is an entitled cock who has been ignoring and belittling his wife for ages - he's not interested in anyone but himself and expects her just to 'function' for his benefit. Poor woman must be thoroughly miserable. I hope she's stockpiled her redundancy money in order to leave him.

Yes, I was hoping for an "escape fund" for her too.

Sexist ? Yes, indeed, if you object to men thinking they are intrinsically superior to women. And the women that jump to their defence like Pavlov's fucking dogs.

I don't understand why you are complaining all this time later. Its a bit weird, your attitude is weird. And all the talk of looking for evidence just sounds fucking creepy.

Money really isn't everything. I've been in a job that left me horrendously stressed and upset and i had to leave for my sanity at short notice. My dh was nothing but supportive.

Not sure how it's sexist to ask OP to fill in the gaps? OP's get asked that all the time. On the version of events given,yes I would be annoyed with my DP...but there are certainly missing bits to this. It's been 6 months!

Perhaps DW did indeed invest the money but kept some aside,for herself and dc's,just in case.

I was once told that women should always have savings nobody else knows about. Sound advice.

It would be nice if the OP would come back to answer the questions asked. He isn't going to though is he?

But OP, your wife was telling you and talking to you for a very long time about how unhappy she was in the job, by your own words. So saying there was 'no real consulttaion' is bollocks.

The whole consultation thing makes what should be a conversation between husband and wife sound much to businessy. Which coincidentally is how you come across. Totally cold, hard and without any feeling.

The "drilling down" comment made my hackles rise, tbh

Oh, thank goodness this thread makes more sense now. I felt very sorry for the DW especially when I realised it was six months ago and he was going to bully her for evidence. She sounds very unhappy. I too hope she has an escape fund and gets out of this. These are not the words of a man who wants to sort things out, just blame.

If my DP was tellling me for 18 months he was utterly miserable in a job, and then finally jacked it in, I might be a bit worried, but if I could support us until he got more work, and the job was affecting his mental health, I would be OK with it.
I do wonder why OP's wife didn't line up a new job before leaving, but agree there does seem to be a lot left out here.
18 months of discussion seems like consultation to me.
Or do you mean permission OP?

Managed to miss OP saying he thought it was a good idea to demand proof his DW was applying for jobs. Wtf?

I lost my job in the back end of last year. Long story which essentially ended with my boss deciding "it wasn't working out" 3 weeks before I would have gained employment rights.

I would be beyond livid if my (very supportive in all fairness) DP suddenly started demanding proof that I have been applying for jobs. That is simply not a normal thing to do. I would be very hurt and angry. If OP's DW is in the same position as me then I feel really sorry for her,it's really demoralising applying for jobs you know you are qualified for and not even getting an aknowledgement of your application.

How do I see other threads the OP has posted?
I can't see to click on his name.

If you select search you can search user names MrsBonkers

Perhaps OP is posting here because DW is a mumsnetter?

And OP wants her to read it?

That would be wildly passive aggressive and yet not beyond the realms of possibility Icedcake

That has happened before, Iced

My DP did this to me a month before the end of my maternity leave. I wanted to go back part-time, preferably 3 days but 4 would have been ok. He had a week off sick and when I asked when he was going back he just said he wasn't and that I would have to go back full time. I knew he wasn't happy at work and I would have been fully supportive of him finding a lower paid, less stressful job. I investigated loads of training courses and other job options with him but none of them were "right". Basically he just decided he was going to be a SAHD with no discussion or consultation. I went back to work FT and cried every day. I had a demanding job in the City and worked long hours. We could have managed on 2 part-time salaries but not on one alone (DP had loads of debt from his previous relationship which we/I had to pay off. He was still paying for hs ex-girlfriend's car FFS and he didn't even drive. She got the car but the loan was in his name as she wasn't working).

Anyway he stayed at home, I worked. 18 months later I left. He got a job within 3 weeks of my leaving.

Have to say you have my sympathy OP.

Poshfrock. That's awful!

To be honest, if dh had been unhappy in his job for 18 months I would expect him to secure other work (of any description) before negotiating an exit package. Regardless of mental health when you have 2dc and a partner and a home to maintain, complaining about your job but doing nothing about finding another one until you are at breaking Point, then quitting and relying on your dps wage until you find something else without prior consultation with them, and further, investing redundancy money without discussing finances and your plans is not a partnership. It's selfish. Either the ops wife is lying about the exit and the money, or she is planning an escape and doesn't intend to be with the op, or the third option (which is what we would probably all be assuming if this was the other way round) she was being selfish and irresponsible.

Twatty there is a thread about it being the other way round and the (female) OP there actually isn't getting all the sympathy at all.