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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with ds (he thinks i'm just looking for a reason to argue and spoil his time with gf)

196 replies

lesjules · 29/12/2012 15:31

Ok so went upstairs to living room this morning after ds (17) and gf had gone out for the day, I was looking for the table mirror that is supposed to be kept in the kitchen as that is where everyone uses it, I was off to shops and needed mirror to make myself presentable.

This mirror is fairly old so doesn't hold itself tight and needs something behind it to prop it to whichever position is needed, It's usually in the kitchen with a plastic bowl behind it,

I walked into my living room and the mirror was on the coffee table so I picked it up not knowing that it was being propped up by a full glass of pepsi, the glass went flying and landed on the coffee table so the floor and wall was covered with broken glass and pepsi. I phoned ds and asked him why he had put the glass behind the mirror and he said that it wasn't his fault, it was mine as I should have checked what was behind it.

I told him he was unbelievable and hung up on him as I was speechless. since then ive had numerous texts saying it wasn't his fault, it was an accident and I'm trying to ruin his time with gf ( she lives a fair way away ) so she is staying for the week.

He say's im just looking for an argument and want to embarress him in front of her but i'm not, when I texted back saying if they needed the mirror upstairs then he should have put something safe behind it he came back with, "it was an accident, get over it" I am fuming.

He doesn't see her that often and I don't want to spoil their time or come across as a moany old cow but I don't feel I can let this go when they come home later just because she is here,

I know the minute they walk through the door he will be all happy cos he's with her but am I in the wrong to bring it up again or should I just leave it to avoid an argument?

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 30/12/2012 00:25

No I said HE was being an ungrateful little shit! Because he is! She opens her home to his GF, something that alot of parents wouldnt do for someone that age, and he a) treats her posessions with contempt and b) is rude and stroppy when confronted. Its her home not a hotel!

If my kids did something stupid that led to an incident like this then I cant honestly say whether I would ring them or not, it would depend on what it was and where I was, but I certainly wouldnt keep quiet just because his GF is there. Where do you draw the line? In fact drawing attention to it when she is there might stop him being such a thoughtless rude prat in future.

Bogeyface · 30/12/2012 00:27

And has it not occurred to anyone that by saying "Oh dear, accidents happen" are what turn kids into uncaring thoughtless selfish teens? As long as they know that there are no consequences then they will treat you, your home and your possessions as unimportant.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 30/12/2012 00:36

Well not my ds Bogey, because you know, accidents do happen.
And he is a caring, thoughtful teen.

Tortington · 30/12/2012 00:39

it was an accident that could have been prevented with a little more thought, however it wouldn't be something i would go apeshit over personally. Knowing said dodgy mirror, i might even concede that i could have prevented the accident too

However - that is one thing

the other is your son's rude manner.

I feel the situation could probably have been resolved with a chat, he could concede some more thought and you could give a little too - and with an atmosphere of conciliation, you could tell him that you found his manner rude and you were dissapointed.

However

walking out and leaving them to it in a sulk, won't resolve a thing, will create an atmosphere, and will spoil his time with his girlfriend.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/12/2012 00:43

Bogey
So from one incident you believe that he treats all her possesions with contempt and that he is a little shit?

Thats as OTT as the OP's response to her breaking a glass.

If the OP goes apeshit over a glass she is going to be the MiL form hell.

ravenAK · 30/12/2012 00:54

I can quite see why OP is pissed off, tbh. I'd expect my 8 yo ds to have more sense than to use a full glass of coke to prop up a mirror!

& if I then knocked it over because I wasn't expecting him to have been that dumb, & had to clean up sticky drink & broken glass from all over the place I would probably temporarily lose my happy thoughts too.

I'd probably have saved the bollocking for when I next saw ds & had stopped seething , rather than ranty phone call, hanging up, & subsequent stroppy texting, but I'd definitely have told him it was a stupid & inconsiderate thing to do, & expected a 'yeah - sorry Mum', not him telling me it was my fault!

apostrophethesnowman · 30/12/2012 00:58

Wondering if there's hormones at play...

either the OP's or the son's...

goes off whistling to get a drink of Pepsi Max which Lidl's were selling fo 89p for two litres today.

CooEeeEldridge · 30/12/2012 01:08

Get one mirror for you. One for your son.

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins · 30/12/2012 05:34

lesjules , it was just an accident. Let it go. Nobody is perfect. You'll raise your blood pressure fretting over things like this. Life is too short, choose your battles!

You know that old saying No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk"

MadameCastafiore · 30/12/2012 05:42

Sorry but I am more concerned about the mirror issue. Why to you have a transient but communal mirror?? Why not have mirrors in your bedroom and bathrooms and the hallway? Why have a shared mirror?

Oh and you spilt the coke and then reflected the pissed offness you felt onto you son. Was all your fault I am afraid.

dolcelatte · 30/12/2012 06:50

I haven't read the whole thread, but this seems such an over reaction to what was just an accident that I can't help thinking there is more to it. Why would you ring him up when you knew he was busy and then hang up...??? who is the teenager here?

I'm guessing that you are jealous of the GF and your DS is correct in his interpretation that you want to embarrass him; you don't want to let go of him and/or for another woman to be first in his affections; you are therefore trying to assert your claim to him/compete for his attention. This is unwise as you will only drive him further away from you. You have said that he doesn't see her often and that you don't want to spoil their time together, but your actions demonstrate the opposite.

Gingerodgers · 30/12/2012 07:18

You sound like a nutter op

Goldenbear · 30/12/2012 08:39

'where do you draw the line?'. Bogeyface, you draw the line at not ringing people to rage and rant about a bit of spilt coke and broken glass. IME children/teens raised by melodramatic parents like this either disengage from their parents once their old enough to leave home and/or go into defense mode everytime they see their parents, resulting in anything but the caring and thoughtful son/daughter you'd hoped for!

marcopront · 30/12/2012 08:50

I still don't understand how she knocked the glass over. She must have known the mirror was propped up against something, so whatever would surely have been knocked over by the way she picked up the mirror.

mrsjay · 30/12/2012 09:19

so if a toddler knocks something over or a 7 year old leaves a toy out and if a parent says oh dear accidents happen it is alright then this turns theminto ungrateful teenagers OKAY THEN this is an over ration to a glass of cola (which he shouldn't have left lying) she knocked it over ( she should have looked) then it turns out to be world war 3 with a mother arguing with her son over the phone, not very adult imo

ohcluttergotme · 30/12/2012 09:28

This is beyond ridiculous! Of course accidents happen, it doesn't mean you are a thoughtless, uncaring loon! I'm 34 and so so accident prone. Couldn't count the amount of times I've smashed glasses. I smashed one of our beautiful handmade crystal flutes that good friends had designed as wedding gift. My dh knew I cared, it was an accident....they happen! I have 3 yr old ds & 13 yr old dd, things like this always happen. Also teenage one can be rude & then expect lift etc I know it's her hormones & she is a nice girl. I also know she speaks differently to me if I phone her and she's with her friends. It's all about looking cool, street cred etc. it's knowing your child. I would never embarrass her like this at 13 infront of friends never mind 17 with first boyfriend she would be humiliated. Also why is there one broken mirror between all, just have one in each bedroom.

LouisWalshsChristmasCloset · 30/12/2012 09:42

Anyone else reading this and actually feeling jealous at the triviality of OP 's problems?

YABU and sound like an utter nutter. HTH

LouisWalshsChristmasCloset · 30/12/2012 09:47

My thoughts exactly marcopront op must have pushed the glass when picking up the mirror

SinisterBuggyMonth · 30/12/2012 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 30/12/2012 10:05

Bereft of breath that op has made such a bloody fuss and flounced out of the house.

Good way to scare off the gf though as she may see what her potential mil is like.

Feel sorry for the son. Op you sound a tad OTT.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 30/12/2012 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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