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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with ds (he thinks i'm just looking for a reason to argue and spoil his time with gf)

196 replies

lesjules · 29/12/2012 15:31

Ok so went upstairs to living room this morning after ds (17) and gf had gone out for the day, I was looking for the table mirror that is supposed to be kept in the kitchen as that is where everyone uses it, I was off to shops and needed mirror to make myself presentable.

This mirror is fairly old so doesn't hold itself tight and needs something behind it to prop it to whichever position is needed, It's usually in the kitchen with a plastic bowl behind it,

I walked into my living room and the mirror was on the coffee table so I picked it up not knowing that it was being propped up by a full glass of pepsi, the glass went flying and landed on the coffee table so the floor and wall was covered with broken glass and pepsi. I phoned ds and asked him why he had put the glass behind the mirror and he said that it wasn't his fault, it was mine as I should have checked what was behind it.

I told him he was unbelievable and hung up on him as I was speechless. since then ive had numerous texts saying it wasn't his fault, it was an accident and I'm trying to ruin his time with gf ( she lives a fair way away ) so she is staying for the week.

He say's im just looking for an argument and want to embarress him in front of her but i'm not, when I texted back saying if they needed the mirror upstairs then he should have put something safe behind it he came back with, "it was an accident, get over it" I am fuming.

He doesn't see her that often and I don't want to spoil their time or come across as a moany old cow but I don't feel I can let this go when they come home later just because she is here,

I know the minute they walk through the door he will be all happy cos he's with her but am I in the wrong to bring it up again or should I just leave it to avoid an argument?

OP posts:
mrsjay · 29/12/2012 16:22

if you can do me a pair of kitchen scissors as a swapsy

I found my kitchen scissors in the livingroom last week, but mum we were wrapping presents, well if they had looked after the scissors i got them before they wouldn't have had to use the kitchen ones i was Xmas Angry

ohcluttergotme · 29/12/2012 16:23

Also agree with thenebulous hair being done in kitchen is big no no, ewwww you fry sausages in there!

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 29/12/2012 16:23

And most people know that most 17 year olds do not have any common sense.

insanityscratching · 29/12/2012 16:23

Ikea is the answer £3 for a two sided mirror on a stand (magnifying on one side too)
Seriously though his gf will think you are a nutter and your ds is totally justified when he moans about you. My tip would be be super nice when his friends and girlfriends are about so then when he moans about you they will all think he is unreasonable.
You have too much time on your hands to make this into such a big deal you know maybe time to take up a new hobby.

Original poster
lesjules · 29/12/2012 16:24

Thankyou Balloonslayer but most of Mn seem to think that this is ok behaviour from a 17 year old, Not only that a full glass was propping the mirror up but that I was unreasonable to phone him to pull him up on it.

I have told both of my kids that I do not want food and drink upstairs, but I finish work at 10 oclock in the evening and i'm not there to see what they do, I just have a moan the next day and clear up the shit cos they have fucked off out as that is what they do cos they are teenagers,

OP posts:
ArkadyRose · 29/12/2012 16:24

Good grief. Overreaction much? Get over it. YAB completely U.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/12/2012 16:25

He should be clearing up after himself and not leaving things lying around.

He also shouldn't be speaking to you like that - how many of you would really tolerate being spoken to that rudely by your 17 year old??

But do buy another mirror OP, or at least fix the one you have to the wall!

sarahseashell · 29/12/2012 16:26

food upstairs hardrying in kitchen. worlds gorn mad
OP they'll have left home soon and then you'll be missing them. pepsi and all

BalloonSlayer · 29/12/2012 16:26

If someone's going out for the day, sarah, too right they shouldn't leave a full drink lying about on a coffee table in the living room.

It's obvious that it won't be drinkable when they get back, so they are just expecting someone else to clear it away. Bloody rude and bloody lazy.

If it was something not fizzy, I might have assumed they wanted it for later, tutted and moved it somewhere where it wouldn't get knocked over. And if it's left in their bedroom I'd have tutted and left it. But in living room, on a low table, obviously unwanted, and where it is likely to get spilled (by my clumsy family) yup I would have been peed off.

TheNebulousBoojum · 29/12/2012 16:27

Typical AIBU thread, personal thanks to the one or two individuals that agree with you. Grin
Glass of coke was the right height, full means it's heavy enough to use as a prop and it was close at hand so easy to use. 17 year old logic.
But go ahead OP. UR BUBZ UR RULZ

mrsjay · 29/12/2012 16:27

He should be clearing up after himself and not leaving things lying around.

He also shouldn't be speaking to you like that - how many of you would really tolerate being spoken to that rudely by your 17 year old??

yes to all that but to phone them up about a glass of cola and a smashed glass REALLY Confused and then to continue a text row, is a complete over reaction, I would have pulled him up on it but id have waited till he got home and then said to him,

Original poster
lesjules · 29/12/2012 16:28

Ok I ambu

OP posts:
ohcluttergotme · 29/12/2012 16:28

He probably spoke to OP as he was embarrassed by phone call in front of his gf

MissingInAct · 29/12/2012 16:29

OP this was your fault because you picked up a mirror that you know need to be propped. So you knew that there would be something behind it and you didn't check what it was before picking it up. This time it was a glass full of pepsi (I am wrong in saying that the prop has to be heavy enough to work too?). It could be anything else next time, something you might care about much more for example. But in any case, you haven't been careful enough (a glass full is quite heavy btw, so send it flying like this, you can't have been very gentle)

I think you were in a hurry, wanted to go to the shop, found the mirror in a place where it normally isn't. When the accident happened, you got angry because you had to do something unpleasant (cleaning up after your mess), you might already have been moaning that you couldn't find it, so it was easier to put the fault on someone else, such as your ds.

You then rung your ds, no doubt being angry and putting all the blame on him and very rightly he refused to take the responsibility for it (Good on him btw!).

You are also mentioning his gf and the fact your ds said you wanted to embarrass him in front of her. Which make me wonder if you are actually that happy for her to be there for a week. Is it possible that the real reason you were angry is that you don't really want her in your house?

MsElleTow · 29/12/2012 16:29

I have never understood why people dry their hair, or put makeup on in the kitchen or living room!

As for the Pepsi, ringing your DS etc, you did go over the top a bit. He shouldn't have told you to get over it, but for heaven's sake forget it and move on. It really isn't worth falling out over and making his GF, who probably put the Pepsi there in the first place, feel uncomfortable in your house.

Pandemoniaa · 29/12/2012 16:29

It's a bit daft to prop a mirror up with a full glass of coke but I'm afraid you've made a bit more fuss than seems reasonable especially when ringing your ds to accuse him of this terrible crime. So I'm not surprised he was unimpressed. His initial thoughts probably ran along the lines of "You are ringing me NOW? About THIS?". I also agree that actually, it was your fault that the glass broke. Unless your ds has some sort of super powers that can shatter glasses of coke in his absence, that is.

Still, it isn't exactly a tragedy, is it? And I doubt he'll make the same mistake again.

Bonsoir · 29/12/2012 16:29

Why do you have an old ropy mirror hanging around for general use anyway? Sounds very chaotic.

AlienRefluxThanksFuckThatsOver · 29/12/2012 16:31

I thought it was going to be coke on the mirror too!! Op it may well have been his gf, it was after a few texts he said get over it,so was probably embarrassed by that point. Jesus,let it go.

sarahseashell · 29/12/2012 16:31

missinginact good poirot-like summary there Grin

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2012 16:31

Okay.
I personally don't think the kitchen is the right place for hair-drying, but that's just me.
Your son (or GF) was wrong to use the Pepsi. He (or GF) was wrong not to clear up.
You were wrong to have a go at him whilst he was out and couldn't do anything about it.
He was wrong to be rude.

Let it go for now.

MissingInAct · 29/12/2012 16:34

Re food, have you made the rule clear to the gf?
Do you think you ds would be happy to tell her 'sorry but my mum doesn't want food in the living room upstairs. You can't take your glass of coke.'? Would you be happy to say that to a guest?

As for living the full glass and leaving for the day... I have done that myself and still do as an adult and a mum. I am struggling to see how this is the offence of the century worth a phone call and text messages...

You might have been angry/annoyed about it but it doesn't give you the right to calm your anger on your (nearly) adult son. How would you feel if your DH/friend/family member was doing that to you?

Original poster
lesjules · 29/12/2012 16:36

Bonsoir I have a ropy old mirror an it is the oly thing left still standin (usable) from my past life, I am the main user, the kids if they want company whilst getting ready to go out,

I will not act like the pertfect mum and not have a go because his gf is here, if it were for a few hours or a day then I could wait but she arrived yesterday for a week, By next friday when she is gone he probably won't even remember and I did not do this in front of her, I called him, he was rude and anything after was done by text so she didnt have to see.

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 29/12/2012 16:38

How much light do you need to straighten/blow dry/brush hair? Not much.
Sorry buy yabvvvvu to do your hair in the kitchen. You say you have other mirrors in the house. Use them.

inabeautifulplace · 29/12/2012 16:41

Sorry but YABU, just as much as he is. You've gone on the defensive after being a bit careless. He's done the same. Be the bigger person and apologise for making a fuss, hopefully that might disarm him enough to get him to take a bit more responsibility for his actions.....

Can you tell I don't have teenage kids? ;)

MissingInAct · 29/12/2012 16:41

Actually lesjules I am not sure your son was rude. The way you've put it, it sounds like an adult telling you in a very assertive way you were wrong and out of your depth. Which was the case.

His gf was next to him during the phone call and I am sure got the just of it. She will have been there when he answered his texts. The gf prob wondered who he was texting and why. So she WAS involved in the argument too and very surely knew about it.