To be pissed off with ds (he thinks i'm just looking for a reason to argue and spoil his time with gf)

[lesjules]

Ok so went upstairs to living room this morning after ds (17) and gf had gone out for the day, I was looking for the table mirror that is supposed to be kept in the kitchen as that is where everyone uses it, I was off to shops and needed mirror to make myself presentable.

This mirror is fairly old so doesn't hold itself tight and needs something behind it to prop it to whichever position is needed, It's usually in the kitchen with a plastic bowl behind it,

I walked into my living room and the mirror was on the coffee table so I picked it up not knowing that it was being propped up by a full glass of pepsi, the glass went flying and landed on the coffee table so the floor and wall was covered with broken glass and pepsi. I phoned ds and asked him why he had put the glass behind the mirror and he said that it wasn't his fault, it was mine as I should have checked what was behind it.

I told him he was unbelievable and hung up on him as I was speechless. since then ive had numerous texts saying it wasn't his fault, it was an accident and I'm trying to ruin his time with gf ( she lives a fair way away ) so she is staying for the week.

He say's im just looking for an argument and want to embarress him in front of her but i'm not, when I texted back saying if they needed the mirror upstairs then he should have put something safe behind it he came back with, "it was an accident, get over it" I am fuming.

He doesn't see her that often and I don't want to spoil their time or come across as a moany old cow but I don't feel I can let this go when they come home later just because she is here,

I know the minute they walk through the door he will be all happy cos he's with her but am I in the wrong to bring it up again or should I just leave it to avoid an argument?

I agree I wouldn't like a 17 yr old speaking rudely to me but then on the other hand I wouldn't like to be the 17 yr old whose mother rang him whilst he was out, having a go at him for something that wasn't directly his fault and which he couldn't do anything about. 17 yr olds don't like being shouted at any more than mothers do! I can't imagine you were being calm and reasonable when you spoke to him OP. By the sounds of it you were being a bit PA by asking him why he left a glass of coke behind the mirror (without knowing whether it was him too). Why not come straight out and just say, you left a glass of coke in a stupid place and I knocked it over and I'm not happy because.... None of this trying to catch him out business.

But really why phone him?!

I will not act like the perfect mum

How about at least acting like a rational one? Complete overreaction.

You do know the Op has already conceded she was BU?

Actually lesjules I am not sure your son was rude. The way you've put it, it sounds like an adult telling you in a very assertive way you were wrong and out of your depth. Which was the case.

Spot on. Want to see into the future OP? Go take a look at the stately homes thread.

You overreacted. Yes, it's annoying, but it's an accident and not something he deliberately did. Thoughtless, a bit daft on his part, yeah - but then again you were the knocker-overer.

So you were out of order to harangue him about it over the phone and hang up on him. He shouldn't be rude, but I daresay you weren't speaking particularly respectfully to him either.

It's so trivial an event, what was the point of making it into a drama?

At face value Isla, yes she has, but she has gone on to continue to defend and justify her behaviour.

OP you are a nutter to be so cross about this.

I think she's changed her mind back again.
I've just put my foot into half a cup of cold tea that OH had forgotten to put in the kitchen.
I may yell at the cat.

Of course you should flaming well leave it!

Nah, she didn't have to. But you can bet your life he was showing her and commenting how mental you are. Why set yourself up for that, and have the intention of turning dementor when they get back in so you can start again? (Probably for the entirety of the next week, as you seem determined not to let her presence affect your daily routine of sniping at Ds, thus proving his initial assumption that you are indeed just out to cause an argument)

What a shit family dynamic.

You are acting like a petulant teenager yourself. All this sulking and drama for the sake of one crappy glass.

How long do you think you can keep it up for? Is it some sort of competition? Do you and Ds usually carry on like this over trivia? Or is it just for the gf's sake?

Anyone that resorts to text arguments over a broken glass needs to have a bit of a think about priorities.

How about, y'know, planning on spending some time with them doing something nice and getting to know his girlfriend a bit better over the next week? Just for the sake of the season, and all? She could be bearing your grandchildren in a couple of years. You really don't want her consolidating the current picture she has of you as the loon that went on for the whole week about the Pepsi glass....

But, I'm all for a bit of a vendetta.

Pepsi-gate could go on for years if you really put your mind to it.

Or you could laugh, realise you are being a fruit loop, and say 'sorry I overreacted. Next time could you take your glass to the kitchen?'

That might be expecting a more mature reaction than you are currently capable of, though.

And, btw, no one is saying that the 17yo should be leaving full glasses about, or being dismissive, just that, um, they do, and in the face of bizarre and pointless tirades, they can be...

It was my tea, but he should have collected it when he was collecting the other mugs.

Just let it go-in the grand scheme of things it isnt as important as having a pleasant time with ds and gf :)

Damn right boojun.

Call him now and rant. And then hang up. And then spend the rest of the day seething and texting him, and planning your next tirade for when he gets home.

Cos that's what adults do, innit.

at thenebulous poor kitty!

Can't text OH, he doesn''t have a mobile. And the cat may have one but he can't read.

Pumpkin I just picked the mirror up, the glass of pepsi hit the coffee table and splattered the floor and wall, not so hard to imagine is it

Not really. It all sounded quite dramatic in your OP with descriptions of the glass flying across the room and broken glass and Pepsi all over the floor/walls. Maybe it's one of those ones you had to be there for.

Is he at work? Call the switchboard and demand to speak to him. If he's at the grocery store, call the store and ask them to page him over the tannoy.

This sort of unacceptable non mug collecting behaviour must be dealt with immediately. Sainsbos will realise that.

I mean, he must be told. And admit his crime.

Make him sleep on the sofa.

I am forever raging about half drunk glasses of juice it drives me to distraction i once confiscated the bottles of irn bru and put them in my bedroom like a madwoman

Ok so here's what I think happened this morning:
Son: would you like a drink GF?
GF:yes please and is there a mirror I can use to put my eye shadow on?
S: yeah I'll grab the one in the kitchen on my way up, but it'll need propping up as its a bit rubbish.
A short while later the GF leaves mirror and drink in the living room when they leave as she doesn't know the rules. Son doesn't think about it and off they go.
OP walks in looking for said mirror and without thinking that there will be something behind the mirror, grabs it off the table as she wants to to out and has been searching the house for 5 mins for this and "why can't the bloody kids ever put anything back?"
Oops smashed glass.

Whatever was behind that mirror would have gone flying, and could have been your favourite ornament. You should have checked, you know it needs propping up. And you were wrong to call him ranting about it, however he was rude and should have said sorry for leaving the glass in the living room.
He's not wrong for seeing things very black and white. After all who smashed the glass?

Seriously okay?

You genuinely think that her son refusing to apologise in the slightest for the part he has played in the creation of a mess and a breakage that someone else - not him - has had to clean up, is not rude, but assertive?

If someone bumps into me in a shop I tend to say "sorry!" even though I know I am not to blame. It's just good manners. What's the harm in saying sorry?

I am gobsmacked that there is an implication being made that if you are not prepared to let your kids walk all over you, clean up the crap they have left behind and never complain if their thoughtlessness makes you a load of extra work, then you are an abusive parent. I wouldn't - like some posters - consider having to clean up broken glass and scrub a carpet when I was trying to go out "trivial."

Also, if you read the OP, it's the DS sending all the texts, I think she said she had been "bombarded" with texts from him.

He's in the garage madwoman. I may lock him out to reflect on his crimes. I may have to post an explanation on the back door, or he won't know what's going on and may assume it's an accident.
I have locked him out accidently before. Overnight. Well, until 3am when DD came down for a snack and let him in.

This mulled wine I have is fantastic. Adding rum was a stroke of geniosnosity.