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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with ds (he thinks i'm just looking for a reason to argue and spoil his time with gf)

196 replies

lesjules · 29/12/2012 15:31

Ok so went upstairs to living room this morning after ds (17) and gf had gone out for the day, I was looking for the table mirror that is supposed to be kept in the kitchen as that is where everyone uses it, I was off to shops and needed mirror to make myself presentable.

This mirror is fairly old so doesn't hold itself tight and needs something behind it to prop it to whichever position is needed, It's usually in the kitchen with a plastic bowl behind it,

I walked into my living room and the mirror was on the coffee table so I picked it up not knowing that it was being propped up by a full glass of pepsi, the glass went flying and landed on the coffee table so the floor and wall was covered with broken glass and pepsi. I phoned ds and asked him why he had put the glass behind the mirror and he said that it wasn't his fault, it was mine as I should have checked what was behind it.

I told him he was unbelievable and hung up on him as I was speechless. since then ive had numerous texts saying it wasn't his fault, it was an accident and I'm trying to ruin his time with gf ( she lives a fair way away ) so she is staying for the week.

He say's im just looking for an argument and want to embarress him in front of her but i'm not, when I texted back saying if they needed the mirror upstairs then he should have put something safe behind it he came back with, "it was an accident, get over it" I am fuming.

He doesn't see her that often and I don't want to spoil their time or come across as a moany old cow but I don't feel I can let this go when they come home later just because she is here,

I know the minute they walk through the door he will be all happy cos he's with her but am I in the wrong to bring it up again or should I just leave it to avoid an argument?

OP posts:
BigBaubledBertha · 29/12/2012 17:51

Yes the DS was out of line but so was the OP. She broke the glass by being clumsy not the DS.

insanityscratching · 29/12/2012 17:57

He's seventeen, out with his girlfriend and embarrassed because his mum is on the phone complaining over some minor issue back at home that he couldn't alter at that time anyway. In those circumstances I'd guess most people would snap tbh.

thebody · 29/12/2012 17:58

Sorry op but this is quite ridiculous. Firstly buy a dressing table and mirror for your bedroom and fix another one on your sons wall. How can you possibly get ready to go out with just a hand mirror and one which needs propping up??

Second stop texting your son. If I was his gf I would be seriously thinking about future mil issues here.

Thirdly if he was rude to you bloody well tell him so when he gets home and sort it then don't indulge in a text war.

I know teens can drive you batty, but life too short for this debacle.

EllenParsons · 29/12/2012 17:59

You are being a tiny bit U but I think your DS is massively out of order for the rude way that he spoke to you and for his attitude, so I do sympathise with you!

CatchingMockingbirds · 29/12/2012 18:08

"it was an accident, get over it"

I see his point tbh, yabu.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/12/2012 18:20

The OP doesn't even know if it was the DS that left the glass behind the mirror.

And given the amount of "your DH should man up to his parents" comments that are on threads, it can only be a good thing that he stands up to the OP.

Floggingmolly · 29/12/2012 18:25

You're actually decamping elsewhere for the night to continue the mega sulk?
Which one of you is the teenager???

Laquitar · 29/12/2012 18:59

99p store is the answer.

Two sided table mirror in black or white.

ohcluttergotme · 29/12/2012 19:02

Can't believe your leaving for the night as your still in a huff...how old are you? Has your ds seriously never been rude like this? You probably completely embarrassed him phoning and having a go when he was with gf. Do you remember being 17? Stay in, make them feel welcome, you as a parent said yes to gf staying & now your pissing off!

OrangeLily · 29/12/2012 19:04

You were right to be angry that he was a bit daft and put a glass behind a mirror but you could have waited to speak to him about it. Why contact him when he was out with his girlfriend? What good did you expect that do do? Where you expecting him to come flying home and fix it? Or were you expecting him to worry about it all day until he could get home?

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that but it does sound like he was pushed by you to an unnecessary reaction.

One mirror for the household sounds crazy? Getting ready in the kitchen is something my grandparents did but only because it was the only room in the house that heated up quickly. Why do you use one broken mirror?

AlienRefluxThanksFuckThatsOver · 29/12/2012 20:18

What? leaving??? Really OP this is getting ridiculous. You may think he was rude, but please think about him on the phone in front of hi gf. To do right by you he woul havebeen saying ... 'yes mum, no, i know mum, yes sorry mum' he.is.17.

ll31 · 29/12/2012 20:27

op you are leaving? massive over reaction, though given how you come across I think your ds will be relieved...

seriously you sound so upset over a non event that i would worry about you. i hope you're going to friend or family.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 29/12/2012 20:31

I'm really feeling sorry for your ds now Sad.
My ds would not talk to me like that btw, but I would never dream of screaming like a banshee down the phone over a broken glass and spilt drink.
He must have been cringing with embarrassment in front of his girlfriend, who may even have been the one responsible.
He's 17, he's practically an adult, and you've managed to make him feel like a silly young boy.

Tee2072Thing · 29/12/2012 20:32

"Because for some bizarre reason in this country you can't dry your hair (& do your make up ) where the rest of the western world do......In the bathroom because for crazy UK regs don't allow power points in bathroom.

The rest of the western world don't have this issue to my knowledge "

This x 1,000,000,000

So.Very.Stupid.

monkeymamma · 29/12/2012 21:04

Please fgs buy a new mirror!! No one should have to do the proppy uppy thing. So so annoying. You can get an upright table top type mirror for next to nothing...

MimiSunshine · 29/12/2012 21:08

OP you've flounced off but I suspect you may sneak back for a little look.
I do think your son was rude in the way he spoke to you and should apologise for that. However don't turn this into "I've let your GF who I badly know stay and your not showing the appropriate level of gratitude". It may Be the issue deep down but it isn't why you called him.
I suggest up take a look at the way you spoke to him and ask yourself "if I was spoken to in that way, would I be happy?" He is (virtually) an adult now, there comes a time when he will answer you back and you have to respect that (as long it's done politely), there also comes a time when all parents have to learn that "shut up and listen" is no longer something they can say to their offspring who are no longer children.

BigBaubledBertha · 29/12/2012 21:30

I've been thinking about this and there was one occasion when DH did something stupid that caused me to do something stupid whilst he was out in in a similar way to the OP.

I did toy with phoning him to berate him but I didn't. What would be the point - he couldn't change anything? Plus if I had interupted his day to have a moan about a domestic matter he couldn't do anything about it would most likely have caused a row because I would have phoned in anger as the OP did and DH would have been defensive, wondering why this was being discussed on the phone and why it couldn't wait, just like the OP's son. I am pretty sure that DH would have been rude too or at least given me the brush off as the OP's DS did and with some justification.

I think your DS is in a hard postion because I doubt it was him that was using the mirror. He is probably just protecting his girlfriend and he is caught in the middle.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 29/12/2012 21:36

I think the reason the Op has annoyed me so much is that my ds is also 17, he is seeing his first girlfriend, (who I've not met yet), and I can't imagine ever embarrassing him the way you did with your son.
You need to tread carefully Op.

BrianButterfield · 29/12/2012 21:39

Am I the only person reading this who, as a grown adult, would probably prop a mirror up against something wholly inappropriate and then forget to move it so someone else would knock it over? It sounds exactly like something I would do, and get a "FGS!" from DH in return!

Goldenbear · 29/12/2012 22:18

YABU, why is the way he spoke to her wrong? He texted her the 'get over it' bit. You were pretty rude to him. He is 17 so nearly an adult, doesn't he deserve to be spoken to in a more civilised manner- especially if that's what you want in return and in the long run?

You sound very much like my MIL who still speaks to her sons with the aggressive manner that wins no respect from anybody. On Christmas day she berated my BIL (who is 29) for getting out another cup for water because she would have to wash it up, MIL said that she wasn't Cinderella etc. He was meant to stay for the evening with her but he got a headache (apparently) and went home early- the pettiness drives DC away. I have been at dinners with my MiL and her friends and she has been shouting about a tool kit he has borrowed for a bike and how he has no right to borrow it without asking- he was living with her at the time. She is the same with DP and it just drives them away. You'll become known as 'difficult' if you carry on in this vein.

Bogeyface · 29/12/2012 22:41

why is the way he spoke to her wrong?

Texting is no better than speaking to someone! Would you take that from your DH? I bloody wouldnt. I certainly wouldnt take it from my 17 year old to who;s GF I had opened my home! Ungrateful little shit!

usualsuspect3 · 29/12/2012 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldenbear · 29/12/2012 23:31

Yes I would take it from DP if I had spoken to him with a similar tongue.

I'm always a bit surprised at how DP and his brother talk to their mother but then it's not a huge coincidence considering how she talks to them. She has never managed to establish an adult relationship with them, That is where the problems begin IMO. The OP has a 17 year old, when does she start to establish a relationship with her son that shows an equal level of respect.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/12/2012 23:33

Bogeyface would you put up with the way the OP spoke to her son?

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 29/12/2012 23:35

So you'd phone your teenage ds to tell him off for breaking a glass, Bogeyface, even though he didn't actually break it, Op did, he just left it in the lounge.
And then you'd embarrass him while he's out with his girlfriend?
Way to go with your teens, and do you honestly call them ungrateful little shits?
Good luck on that.