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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want babies and children at my drinks party?

168 replies

DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 00:55

Organised a casual drinks party tomorrow to which 3 couples could attend. Had one couple who couldn't get a sitter so couldn't.
One woman texted me this eve and hinted that she had no sitter and could her 5 yo son come along. Another today to say she had her 3 m old can she bring him.
I feel morally that as one couple couldn't come as no babysitter and the other remaining have obviously organised one, to now have children there would be rude to them do you see what I mean?
Also they obviously had no intention of booking a sitter but didn't tell me beforehand. I didnt have that kind of gathering in mind at all when I arranged this or would have said children welcome.. Agh AIBU to say to them that I can't accommodate children at this party?
I feel like I am in the wrong somehow.

OP posts:

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas · 28/12/2012 00:57

YANBU

ZenNudist · 28/12/2012 00:58

Your party your rules, just don't be miffed if people can't come. I bet child-free couple will be happy they got a sitter so they can enjoy a peaceful drink. I wouldn't worry about playing fair. I'd concern yourself with if you want to have child free party supplying cocktails and canapés not juice and wotsits!

ImaginateMum · 28/12/2012 01:00

5 yo possibly YANBU

3 month old possibly YABU. That is quite small to leave at home and I don't think a parent of a five year old would think "hey, there is a newborn here, how come my large walking, talking child couldn't come".

Tincletoes · 28/12/2012 01:01

YANBU generally... but weren't you assuming the 3m old would be there? Is a bit little for a babysitter I would have thought?

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas · 28/12/2012 01:02

Did you tell the couple who couldnt get a sitter that they couldn't come, or did they come to that conclusion themselves? And did you really expect people with a 3 month old to get a sitter?

Tincletoes · 28/12/2012 01:03

Sorry to clarify... I think a lot of people would find 3m old hard to leave, not that it shouldn't or can't be done - but I wouldn't have wanted to leave mine at that age

apostrophethesnowman · 28/12/2012 01:04

YANBU It's an adult party. It's really quite simple.

If you have children and you want to attend an adult party you get a babysitter. If you don't want to or can't get one you don't go.

SilverBaubles33 · 28/12/2012 01:05

Not remotely! There are too few adult-only occasions for parents, IMO. Children are, rightly, welcomed at many more parties than our generation were.

BUT! There's something rather lovely about dressing up and going out alone, speaking to other adults without sticky hands or little voices, having unsuitable and flirty conversations (esp. with your DH!) and remembering who you used to be.

Too many mums just forget.

Original poster

DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 01:14

Yes I completely understand why the 3m couple needed to bring their DD but tbh I don't think it would work for this particular evening gathering. They said along the lines of that they would have to bring DD and would understand if we wanted to do another time to which I said yes good idea lets do something with the little ones in the NY hope it's not U of me to do that...

OP posts:

LuluMai · 28/12/2012 01:16

Yanbu! As much I love my little darling, it is bliss to socialise child free!

Viviennemary · 28/12/2012 01:19

YANBU. Why on earth do you have to have babies and children at your drinks party if you don't want to. Haven't some people heard of babysitters.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 28/12/2012 01:20

YANBU. I always ask people when I'm invited to an event if it's child-free or child-friendly and make sure they understand that I simply want to know and am not going to go all PA on them if they say they prefer no DC to attend.

Tincletoes · 28/12/2012 01:25

Like I said its your party and totally your rules etc - and also agree child free nights lovely. But still think there is big difference between 3m old who is likely to just sleep and a 5 year old!

Like someone else has said I'm more than happy for people to have child free events etc so long as they understand there may be times where as a parent that means I just won't be able to go!

Original poster

DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 01:29

I told the couple with the 5 yo about this 6 weeks ago and she just told me now she has no sitter and hinting at bringing her. I am going to say tomorrow sorry not really fair as others have organised sitters... V difficult position ....

OP posts:

Tincletoes · 28/12/2012 01:29

Btw do you have children? As again that would make a difference to what I'd assume beforehand (particularly re baby) - if your children were going to be there I'd be much more likely to assume you would be ok with me bringing a baby along - if you don't have children I probably wouldn't make that assumption.

Tincletoes · 28/12/2012 01:31

I don't think you should stress so much about it. I don't think anyone here has said there is anything unreasonable about not wanting a 5 year old there at all!

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2012 01:39

YANBU. That is all.

deleted203 · 28/12/2012 01:44

YANBU. I'd say casually, 'sorry - it's an adults only drinks party' and leave it at that. I'm with Silver on this one. I'd be fairly pissed off, actually, if I'd arranged a babysitter, got dressed up and was looking forward to a (rare) evening out, only to find someone else's 5 yo racing around the room with the adults. It would certainly ruin the 'ambience' for me.

GColdtimer · 28/12/2012 02:36

This happened to us last week. 8 couples all managed to get sitters. Hosts dc in bed (started at 8) and one person turned up with her ds after phoning that day to say no sitter and could she take him. Hosts too lovely to say no but it was a bit annoying tobfind him there. Date had been in the diary for months and this wasn't a last minute let down by the sitter either.

And my breast feeding friend managed a couple of hours at my 40th this year with a 3 month old at home so it is possible.

calmlychaotic · 28/12/2012 02:40

this has happened to me too, have organised my ds to stay at gp so can have party here and now they all want to bring their kids.

SantasENormaSnob · 28/12/2012 02:40

Yanbu

But you have to accept that some may not go.

Original poster

DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 09:01

Thank you all. That means one couple out of 3 can come now - some party that will be. Calmly my DD will be at my GP too exactly the same situation. What have you said to your guests? Thanks everyone for letting me know IANBU..

OP posts:

MariahScarey · 28/12/2012 09:02

I hate kids at parties.

RedHelenB · 28/12/2012 09:05

Depends if you want to see your friends or not I suppose, after all you say it is a casual party. Not everyone has sitters on tap.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/12/2012 09:11

Well, I do think it can be harder to find sitters at this time of year. Family members are busy/away, and paid sitters get booked up and/or charge more.

I think that if you are having a small party, and one set of guests essentially has a newborn then you should accept that children are going to be there if you want to see your friends.

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