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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want babies and children at my drinks party?

168 replies

DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 00:55

Organised a casual drinks party tomorrow to which 3 couples could attend. Had one couple who couldn't get a sitter so couldn't.
One woman texted me this eve and hinted that she had no sitter and could her 5 yo son come along. Another today to say she had her 3 m old can she bring him.
I feel morally that as one couple couldn't come as no babysitter and the other remaining have obviously organised one, to now have children there would be rude to them do you see what I mean?
Also they obviously had no intention of booking a sitter but didn't tell me beforehand. Confused I didnt have that kind of gathering in mind at all when I arranged this or would have said children welcome.. Agh AIBU to say to them that I can't accommodate children at this party?
I feel like I am in the wrong somehow.

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 12:09

It's not a dinner party, or a meal out somewhere posh, it's drinks at a mates. I don't get the issue really.

Or is it actually a swinging party?

Startail · 28/12/2012 12:11

if your expecting a grown up evening arrange a sitter and go to an 18 plus wine bar.

The whole point of a house party is you don't need baby sitters.

If you can't except the reality of friends DCs, get new friends, preferably 19 yo students, they might be in your level.

No sorry, by 19 my University friends could have understood that dead, infirm and distant GP weren't necessarily able to baby sit and that not everyone has friends who's own commitments let them.

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 12:13

My house is quite often full of adults squished in the kitchen whilst there are children playing in the living room.

We drunkenly throw Pringles at them now and again and they are fine.

Original poster
DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 12:27

Luckily I don't have any friends like startail. The ones with the 3 m old have suggested doing something another time with the children and the others are going to work something out. I don't feel it's fair on the others who got a sitter. I gave plenty of time and they could have declined I would have understood but saying they want to bring a day before threw me a bit.
I have had loads of get togethers at mine with the children in the next room but those are earlier from say 5 pm. I thought the time would be an indicator that it wouldn't be for little ones but may have to be clearer in future. You can't please everyone I suppose... Grin @ Abigail's party, if only I was so organised as her

OP posts:
atthewelles · 28/12/2012 12:33

The whole point of a house party is you don't need baby sitters. [Quote]

No, the point of a house party is to offer some hospitality to friends. People are allowed to have adult only events in their house. Do you also refuse to go to people's houses for dinner if you children aren't invited and tell them to 'stuff their dinner'.

SolomanDaisy · 28/12/2012 12:41

What's so special about 'this particular drinks party'? I would always assume a 3 month old would come with their parents.

MariahScarey · 28/12/2012 12:48

Startail. You're wrong. Kids FÜCK OFF.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 28/12/2012 12:48

There's nothing at all wrong with wanting adult-only time. People who never socialise without their DC in tow tend to be incredibly tedious, smug, martyred company who can't talk about anything except potty-training or schools, and make faces at anyone who pours a second glass of wine or nips outside for a fag.

MariahScarey · 28/12/2012 12:49

I bet startail takes her kids and everyone pretends its ok ;)

Icelollycraving · 28/12/2012 12:49

Have you got pampas grass?

MardyArsedMidlander · 28/12/2012 12:55

My friend's new boyfriend took his children to her adults only Xmas party and spent all night complaining about people SMOKING and DRINKING and SWEARING- in the end he walked out in a huff Xmas Confused.

ComposHat · 28/12/2012 12:57

Sod the kids, get the red wine in the fridge and whack a bit of this on the stereo.

DialsMavis · 28/12/2012 13:00

YANBU to want a child free evening, but now you have 2 choices:

Enjoy the night with just the one couple or say to everyone to bring DC along and have a different kind of evening.

Sometimes I would rather have DC free time at the expense of seeing my friends and other times seeing friends even if they have to bring DC (which means I have to keep my own at home or I feel bad) is more important.

How much fun are the friends in question? And how annoying are the DC likely to be?

Could all the DC be put to bed at yours or is that not really feasible?

Oblomov · 28/12/2012 13:03

Its not a crime to have an adults only party. Sounds lovely. Of course some people may not want to come, and some may not be able to come, because of no sitters. Fine. Those that want to, and can, can come.
Sometimes MN forgets that the world not not evolve around children.

Original poster
DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 13:04

Dials you speak sense. It is going to be a smaller gathering now - possibly 2-3 couples - we are neighbours with children at the same school. After loads and loads of kids get togethers and parties this season this was v much an adults thing and I feel it's only fair to keep it this way. If that makes me an awful person so be it. I just need and crave adult time on certain occasions that's just the way I am.
In future I will be more mindful of people without access to sitters and I fully understand why people would not always be able to come along.

OP posts:
orangerex · 28/12/2012 13:05

I know this a different issue but I remember someone bringing their child's older sibling to one of my childrens birthday parties when they were very young, without asking first, just assuming it would be OK. We let the older child join in with games - but of course he won them all, until I had to exclude him from the games. His mother just sat back and watched. Very annoying.
I am also reminded of my 40th birthday party. DH asked what I wanted, I said a child free meal. He booked a family party in a restaurant. As everyone assembled to go I asked who was looking after the DCs (aged 10mo and 2) - and he just said no-one, we'll have to take them. I nearly lost it. Needless to say it was me who ended up feeding and consoling DCs. This was one of DHs many failings over the years.........
Anyway after that ramble YANBU to want a child free drinks party!

FivesGoldNorks · 28/12/2012 13:05

While I agree that this is an adults only party, I do find it odd that people don't see the problem with leaving a 3m old with a babysitter. Yes I'm sure some people can but many can't. Of course that means one/both shouldn't come, not that they should bring the baby.

FivesGoldNorks · 28/12/2012 13:07

that's what I was trying to say Oblomov
(do you live near me? What are you up to on Saturday? Wink

JenaiMathis · 28/12/2012 13:13

Can't those who can't find sitters leave the children at home and go without their partners?

Oblomov · 28/12/2012 13:21

FiveGoldNorks, I am doing nothing tomorrow Sad, thus, I think you must have me confused for someone else. Am off to my friends 40th tonight.
Why, what did you think I was up to? Wink

FivesGoldNorks · 28/12/2012 13:24

no no, just your idea of an adults only party sounded good
(just reread that and it actually sounds like a car keys in a bowl party)
Enjoy your night tonight

gettingeasier · 28/12/2012 13:25

YANBU god save us from the child centric society we live in

House party = bring the children ? Ha ha what utter nonsense

Enjoy your do OP Smile

Mumsyblouse · 28/12/2012 13:29

I don't know why you are hosting a child-free party if at least half your guests don't want to have a child-free evening, or feel paying out £50 to get a babysitter just to sit round your house isn't worth it. Clearly they don't want to do this, or they would have made the effort (plus you already lost one of the invitees as they couldn't get a sitter).

Sorry, but I don't think child-free evenings with lots of guests are the norm, they are not round our way, if it's a house party, everyone is invited and the kids all watch TV/older mind little ones.

3 out of 4 of your original invitees wanted to bring kids/couldn't get a sitter- the majority do think you are unreasonable and I don't have a lot of sympathy really as you have made it hard/expensive to go out at a time of year when we are all hard up and nipping over to a nice family friendly house party could have been great fun.

Mumsyblouse · 28/12/2012 13:31

Or just one of the parents from each couple could come but a) this is not much fun and b) perhaps some of them are single parents.

Basically, you came up with an idea for a party that doesn't work for your guests. I would ring the ones with the babysitters and say it hasn't worked, and you are having kids too, would they like to cancel their babysitter.

Or accept there's going to be no adult party.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 28/12/2012 13:32

Is there anything particularly special about this party to warrant forking out for a babysitter? If it's Jacob's creek and some dry roasted peanuts, I'd feel very cheated. I'd be looking for martini cocktails and caviar canapés at a minimum.