To not want babies and children at my drinks party?

[DoctorAnge]

Organised a casual drinks party tomorrow to which 3 couples could attend. Had one couple who couldn't get a sitter so couldn't.
One woman texted me this eve and hinted that she had no sitter and could her 5 yo son come along. Another today to say she had her 3 m old can she bring him.
I feel morally that as one couple couldn't come as no babysitter and the other remaining have obviously organised one, to now have children there would be rude to them do you see what I mean?
Also they obviously had no intention of booking a sitter but didn't tell me beforehand. I didnt have that kind of gathering in mind at all when I arranged this or would have said children welcome.. Agh AIBU to say to them that I can't accommodate children at this party?
I feel like I am in the wrong somehow.

Is that you op? If so I don't blame you for cancelling your party and I hope you have a great night out.

This is a really interesting thread. That is all.

Don't blame you. Was going to suggest the middle ground that we occupy with friends. Their dd come, but are in pj's and go to sleep upstairs. No party attendance that's for sure! Works well.

What's the latest on the Drinks party, Ange?

3 month old is fine and will just sleep. 5 year old is a no no unless he goes to sleep there.

Why on earth wouldn't it work for a 3 month old to be at your party?? What were you planning on doing exactly that a tiny baby would be an issue? Orgy?

I have no problem with child free parties/meals/events - but as others have said, when you have to pay a lot of money for a babysitter, you have to make choices about which things to go to and which to miss. A few neighbours having a few drinks and nibbles wouldn't be something that I'd pay a babysitter for - sorry.

Yabu. Listen to 59 Lyndhurst Grove by Pulp.

Cancel the party and go out for a lovely evening with your other half, child free! Have a lie in in the morning and organise another do another time...

My DH and I were invited to a very informal neighbour's last minute dinner party. DH didn't want to go so I said I couldn't get a sitter but could come solo? She un-invited me . I felt really crap. It was an informal gathering of friends. I know I would have mucked up her numbers but I still felt crap. I heard everyone leaving drunkenly at about 1 am (our bedroom looks onto the street)...

You havent said what timw your party is, most people assume after 8pm =adults only, daytime = kids welcome.

If u dont want kidsat your party, have it late. People willstill bring tiny babies tho.

I remember going back to full time work when ds was 8 weeks old, I didn't have a choice, this was 1999 and paid maternity leave was just three months and money was very tight. My dad had all day 5 days a week.

Not everyone has free babysitters either, I never really gelled with anyone at baby groups as I was always seen as an outsider, not unpleasantly but most of the mums had lived in the area for donkeys years, born and bred, knew each other from school or were related so they didn't really need me,

Sure I made friends, but some of those were chaotic and involved with ss and I wouldn't leave a dog with them let alone my child.

The rest are just acquaintances, someone to walk to school with, I tried to suggest a baby sitting circle once, they weren't interested.

Not everyone has free family on tap either

Not all three-month olds sleep all the time. Some certainly don't when they're not at home/lots of activity going on.

It's the OP's party. She can invite/not invite who she bloomin' well likes"

And I didn't have family on tap, or many people who could babysit.

So I just couldn't go...

Ok here's the update :)
Stuck to my plan with the "party" and explained that people had a sitter so not ideal for there to be children present. Ended up with 2 couples both of which I explained it would be a smaller gathering and won't be offended if they wanted to do another time. They really wanted to come. Couple with no sitter 5 yo came in rotation. We had lovely food lots of alcohol and music and singing just relaxing talking. Nothing wild but there was open French doors and smoking and loud music do honestly don't see how a 3m old could fit in comfortably with that..but hey ho.
I don't think I will do it again in a hurry because it was stressful due to the child babysitting situation which all of a sudden became my problem and I didn't want to offend but good night despite it all.

Good update op!

Ghosts - I had my DS1 in 1999 too - I had to start my maternity leave at 34 weeks due to sickness. He then arrived almost 2 weeks late. I was back at work 44 hours a week before he was 4 weeks old, troughing iron tablets still bleeding postnatally and recovering from an emergency section. Luckily DS1 was released from SCBU before I had to go back to work so I had a few days with him.

Anyhow - just read something online about being 'childist' which is essentially discriminating against children and excluding them from activities. I am very childist then. I crave a night away from my kids and other peoples sometimes. I really hate it if I have a day at home to myself and someone calls round with a child who then proceeds to trash my house.

YANBU! Can I come to your partay

I love my children but sometimes its nice to have a few hours away without them saying mum mum mum mum mum mum mum I need a wee.
YwereNBU and I am glad you had a nice child free evening.

Glad it turned out ok OP :)