To not want babies and children at my drinks party?

[DoctorAnge]

Organised a casual drinks party tomorrow to which 3 couples could attend. Had one couple who couldn't get a sitter so couldn't.
One woman texted me this eve and hinted that she had no sitter and could her 5 yo son come along. Another today to say she had her 3 m old can she bring him.
I feel morally that as one couple couldn't come as no babysitter and the other remaining have obviously organised one, to now have children there would be rude to them do you see what I mean?
Also they obviously had no intention of booking a sitter but didn't tell me beforehand. I didnt have that kind of gathering in mind at all when I arranged this or would have said children welcome.. Agh AIBU to say to them that I can't accommodate children at this party?
I feel like I am in the wrong somehow.

gettingeasier- why do you assume asking to bring a child is about being child-centric? Much more likely that the guests haven't got any money for babysitters after Christmas, I don't attend non-child events at the moment for financial reasons, because we have no money and so finding money for babysitters isn't my priority (nor, does it seem, is the priority of most of the OP's guests).

In which case they should have declined the invitation , issued six weeks ago, from the outset which would have been entirely reasonable.

But that's the point Mumsy you 'don't attend' them. The OPs friends have put her in an awkward position by asking to bring a 5 yr old to a party that is intended to be 'adult only'. That is unfair.

This does remind me why I'm glad I don't really socialise with mundanes. Most of my friends are childfree anyway - or their DC are teenagers and have social lives of their own - and while I am happy enoughsometimes to go to 'all welcome' parties and take DS, I would loathe it if my whole social life was a matter of standing around having half-conversations about what was on the telly (I don't watch telly)/slebs/potties/education, constantly interrupted by kids wanting their noses wiped or the loo or to tell you about their new teddy...

yanbu

I would have thought most drinks parties would be in the evening, so past the bedtime of a small child anyway. Is it usual now to take your children when you go out for the evening now?

That's what I assumed Epiphany. My house is tiny so just can't accommodate a big sleepover even if I wanted to.

DoctorAnge, could you answer HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas please?

I would never fork out for a babysitter so that I can go to someone's house for a drink. Just not worth it.

I would NEVER turn up to an adults only party with my DC. If my arrangements fail me at the last minute, then I would simply not go.

If I go to an adults only party and there are children around, I would be pissed.

In any case, YANBU at all. You gave people plenty of notice, but actually, your babysitting arrangements are not costing you any money and not everyone's so lucky to have GP on call.

Well there will be champagne, blinis, nice food yes if that answers the question?

Some of you are banging on about having to pay X amount for a babysitter. Have you not got friends you can ask to babysit? Surely one of the benefits of baby groups, etc. is that you make friends with other parents and do swaps when you want to go out adults only

As for being formal OP, I don't have a problem with it. We have mass gatherings here where there are kids running around amd we sit, eat amd drink copious amounts of wine. Then there are other pre-planned nights just for us adults. Fab!

I agree with Tarty. In this situation check if any of your 'free' babysitters are available. If not, decide whether you feel this particular night is worth paying a babysitter for. If the answer is 'no' then politely decline the invitation. Simple. But bitching about the hostess or getting into a huff or asking if you can bring your child is ridiculous behaviour, IMHO.

YANBU just say no surry it's adults only. I dread to think of the 5 year odds behaviour in the evening, he is tired and grumpy

Totally agree too

I agree, they should have all declined the invitation at the outset, but they may have thought a house party wouldn't be rigidly adults only, I can't say I have ever been to an adults only house/dinner party in which a 3 month only baby wouldn't be allowed, usually because the hosts have children themselves even if they are upstairs asleep or they have some provision for the kids on the basis that lots of their guests have them even if they don't themselves.

To me, adults only events are usually out of the house/in bars/nights away/works thingys where only one person goes.

House parties are generally far less expensive (for the guests) than going out. That alone can make it worthwhile shelling out for a babysitter.

People must have some properly dull friends if it's only worth the effort of going out if it's to some wine bar!

YA definitely NBU
DS has to be in bed by 7pm else he turns into a pumpkin grumpy sod so I would always assume a gathering with a later start time was adults only. Sounds fun - can we come?

YANBU though possibly unrealistic esp at this time of year
Morals nothing to do with it, mind
TBH you might be cutting off nose to spite face - is it better to have a few kids about and have a party than, er- no party?

All the stupid responses on Mumsnet today are making light work of updating my Shit List .

OP of course yanbu but it seems you might possibly have overestimated the level of interest in your drinks party from these acquaintances of yours. Fwiw I do think yabu about the 3 month old - if you didn't want the baby there then you really should not have invited that couple. Very few parents would leave a 3 month old baby for an evening.

Whats a shit list ?

Good point Jenai.

I just don't get why a three month old baby can't be left for a couple of hours with a trusted adult. I just don't. What's going to happen? Will he/she melt?

Things must have changed an awful lot since my children were little. Evening adult parties without children was the norm. I can't believe so many people have this entitled attitude.

There's a time and place for a free-for-all, bring the children. This isn't it.

I adore my children and grandchildren, but for goodness sake get a grip, the whole world doesn't have to revolve around them.

No, they rarely melt, but they can get upset/distressed/need feeding.

Yes a couple of hours is extremely stressful to them. I wonder what working mums do to stop this when they have to leave them.

Why would anyone want to invite children to every social event they have? The OP's child isn't even going to be there! Why would she want to spend the evening with a bunch of over-tired children?

The 3 month old baby is different, I think, but I can't believe people who think five year olds should be invited to everything.

Lots choose not to go back to work when their baby is 3 months. TBH I have no idea.