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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want babies and children at my drinks party?

168 replies

DoctorAnge · 28/12/2012 00:55

Organised a casual drinks party tomorrow to which 3 couples could attend. Had one couple who couldn't get a sitter so couldn't.
One woman texted me this eve and hinted that she had no sitter and could her 5 yo son come along. Another today to say she had her 3 m old can she bring him.
I feel morally that as one couple couldn't come as no babysitter and the other remaining have obviously organised one, to now have children there would be rude to them do you see what I mean?
Also they obviously had no intention of booking a sitter but didn't tell me beforehand. Confused I didnt have that kind of gathering in mind at all when I arranged this or would have said children welcome.. Agh AIBU to say to them that I can't accommodate children at this party?
I feel like I am in the wrong somehow.

OP posts:
tryingtoleave · 28/12/2012 09:15

Yanbu to refuse to have dcs. However, it seems that three out of the four couples in your circle aren't keen on child free evenings where they have to get a babysitter, so, if you want to socialise with them you will have to arrange something that suits them. Personally, I don't think dh and I would be keen to spend $60 to get a babysitter so we could go to something like that, especially at this time of year. You would probably get one of us turning up while the other stayed home.

Ephiny · 28/12/2012 10:44

YANBU at all. They are being rude by trying to bring along uninvited 'guests'! I would politely say 'sorry, adults only' and leave it up to them to decide what to do.

You might have to accept that they might not come if they can't bring their kids though. Are you close friends with these people? It might even be that now they have kids they have different priorities and not so much in common with you any more.

HollaAtMeSanta · 28/12/2012 10:49

If you've only invited 3 couples, YABU to ban the 3mo - although if it has 2 parents I don't see why one can't stay at home with it! Are you planning on allowing indoor smoking/loud music?

YANBU about the 5yo - smaller children could be put down to sleep in a bedroom but a 5yo will need entertaining and will change the dynamic of the party.

atthewelles · 28/12/2012 11:09

I wouldn't really mind a tiny baby being brought along as usually they will sleep in their chair of the mother will just disappear to another room to feed it (and some guests will quite like oohing and aahing over it for a minute or two. But asking to bring a five year old is a bit unfair as they will be a lot more intrusive and also put you into an embarassing position with parents who went to the trouble of getting a babysitter. People who do this to hosts really need to get a grip.

ComposHat · 28/12/2012 11:10

YANBU if she keeps this up, turn up to her five year old's next birthday party, win all the kiddy games and then throw a tantrum when you can't have jelly and cake.

Some things are just for adults.

TooMuchCaffeine · 28/12/2012 11:16

YANBU. But I have to say that I feel out with my sister about this very thing. I wanted to celebrate my 45th with just adults round for dinner, and she felt unable to leave her seventeen year old boys at home for a few hours with their dad Hmm

MrsKeithRichards · 28/12/2012 11:24

I cannot imagine being so formal with friends. Come one come all!

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 28/12/2012 11:28

I agree with MrsKR. If it's an informal drinks party for three couples, why make them go to the effort of finding/ paying for baby sitters, just to nibble some nuts and sip a drink. Just stick the kids in front of a DVD and get stuck in.

Startail · 28/12/2012 11:31

You can not carry on having an adults only social life once your friends start having DCs.

My only babysitter cost £25 and as she was nursery staff I didn't find her until the DDs were 5 and 2 years old.

Id have told you to stuff your stupid party up your arse.

ViviPru · 28/12/2012 11:34

Charming

oldpeculiar · 28/12/2012 11:36

I cannot imagine being so formal with friends. Come one come all! '

i agree All sounds very dated to me.

Abigail's party-esque

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 28/12/2012 11:36

I'd not have told you where to shove your party, I'd have just been arsed to go.

atthewelles · 28/12/2012 11:36

Oh get a grip Startail. Not everything has to include the children. Even parents like some adult only time and people who get huffy and tell people to 'stuff their stupid party' if the kids aren't invited are behaving like big overgrown spoilt kids themselves.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 28/12/2012 11:37

Don't forget the light ales and the Demis Roussos OP! Xmas Wink

EggRules · 28/12/2012 11:39

YANBU

Once you have DC you can still enjoy the company of adults without DC being present.

peeriebear · 28/12/2012 11:39

Mmm, nice reasonable and measured response there Startail.

Ephiny · 28/12/2012 11:39

And not everyone has a child-proof house, or a separate space for kids to play/watch a DVD without being in the way of the adults. Maybe Startail lives in a big house, but our place would be feeling quite crowded with just three couples there, never mind having all their kids as well!

foreverondiet · 28/12/2012 11:40

Depends on how much you want to see your friends.

I think 3 month old potentially hard to leave, and ok to bring in the hope they will sleep during the party.

re: 5 year old, I would say its an adult only party, but you are welcome to put her to bed upstairs - or if my kids were sleeping elsewhere then I'd say no sorry adult only.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas · 28/12/2012 11:40

I suppose it depends what babysitting resource your friends have. We don't have family living locally so it was always a hassle to have to organise a babysitter.

cinnamonnut · 28/12/2012 11:41

It can be annoying at a drinks party with children tearing about everywhere (especially if their parents can't control them)

whois · 28/12/2012 11:41

YANBU at all in having (or wanting!) a child free party.

However I suppose it goes with the territory that some people won't be able to come.

BarredfromhavingStella · 28/12/2012 11:43

Sorry but bollocks to that startail, of course you can do adult only things when you have kids-Life doesn't end, it simply changes & that doesn't mean that everything you do has to involve children.
OP YANBU, it's your party so if you don't want kids there then don't.

Amothersruin · 28/12/2012 11:49

YANBU-I have friends who do this a lot. They seem to think its ok to bring their kids even when told its adults only! Mind you the dh has a habit of inviting himself on girls nights outs and I find it very weird!

I dont understand all the angst over the 3 month old either-plenty of people leave their dcs with gps,cm's or in nurseries for the whole day at that age...

BendyBobsBrusselsSprouts · 28/12/2012 11:56

Yanbu.

It used to be that people assumed something like that was for adults only anyway and would be surprised to see children there.

Now the assumption often is that children must tag along everywhere unless you specify no children. It doesn't take much for a party aimed at adults to be overtaken by children charging about if all couples bring theirs with them.

BackforGood · 28/12/2012 11:56

Of course YANBU. Your house, your 'do', your protocol.
I have found it extremely annoying when mine were little, to have arranged a sitter, to then have the grown up evening we were expecting completely changed by other people bringing their children.
Quiet party though, with only 8 of you if everyone was able to come Hmm ?

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