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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH is having a wank...

186 replies

Hobnobber · 22/12/2012 23:43

Right now. In the bathroom. Downstairs.

I'm not 100% sure but he's gone in there with his mobile (like he does when he goes in for a número 2, but he never "goes" at night. He thinks I am sleeping as I came up to bed about 30-40 minutes ago.

The wanker.

OP posts:
D0G · 22/12/2012 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluelightsAndSirens · 22/12/2012 23:57

Yes ring him!

My first thought was that he is on the phone to his girlfriend though, sorry.

janey1234 · 22/12/2012 23:57

Grin @ chameleon

Selks · 22/12/2012 23:58

Text him - "I know what you're doing" Grin

nannyof3 · 22/12/2012 23:59

Why take his phone in there?

vintageviolets · 23/12/2012 00:00

Maybe he's reading the news

Or ordering your Xmas pressie

Or having a trim down below

WorraLorraTurkey · 23/12/2012 00:00

Why take his phone in there?

Internet porn?

It has to be easier than dragging the laptop in LOL!

vintageviolets · 23/12/2012 00:03

I once read an article about a man that regularly did it, in the supermarket toilets.

At home is perfectly acceptable.

AgentZigzag · 23/12/2012 00:03

vintageviolets -

'Maybe he's reading the news

Or ordering your Xmas pressie

Or having a trim down below '

WorraLorraTurkey -

'Internet porn?'

You're so lovely to try and think of 'innocent' reasons vintage, but we were all thinking what Worra said Grin

BalthierBunansa · 23/12/2012 00:05

vintageviolets I read that as supermarket TROLLIES Shock I need to sleep

vintageviolets · 23/12/2012 00:05
Xmas Shock
WorraLorraTurkey · 23/12/2012 00:14

Ziggers!! Xmas Grin

Original poster
Hobnobber · 23/12/2012 00:14

I just went down to use the loo (to see if he was doing a número two). I'm a poet, me and it doesn't smell really bad so he could have just had a fart whilst he was wanking. I should have called him whilst he was in full swing.

OP posts:
AnAirOfHopeInAManger · 23/12/2012 00:15

maybe.he is trying out some glow in the bark body paint and he is writting as special xmas message to you on his thing Xmas Grin

BluelightsAndSirens · 23/12/2012 00:16

You missed out there.

Is he now sleeping with a smile on his face?

Have you checked his phone?

AnAirOfHopeInAManger · 23/12/2012 00:17

Or you should have txt him 'Would you like a hand , love?'

Original poster
Hobnobber · 23/12/2012 00:18

No, he is still downstairs. His mobile is in his pocket.

OP posts:
apostrophethesnowman · 23/12/2012 00:20

Maybe he had to put the light out because the toilet light was glaring on his phone camera? Just a suggestion like.

WorraLorraTurkey · 23/12/2012 00:20

I just went down to use the loo (to see if he was doing a número two). I'm a poet, me and it doesn't smell really bad so he could have just had a fart whilst he was wanking. I should have called him whilst he was in full swing.

I think you have farrrrrrr too much time on your hands Grin

If you can't sleep, have some alcohol or something to help...but stop sounding so creepy!

ClippedPhoenix · 23/12/2012 00:21

Eww, so why was he wanking in the toilet and why did you have to think about it? Is yours a happy home? weird set up you have going on there.. weird or unhappy?

vintageviolets · 23/12/2012 00:21

Let him knock one out, it is Xmas after all.

wonders who was on the t.v tonight, to put in his wank bank

Grin
ClippedPhoenix · 23/12/2012 00:22

Its just weird that the person had to tell us in the first place.

Original poster
Hobnobber · 23/12/2012 00:22

Sorry Worra!
I think I'm going to have to listen to my hypnotism app to put me to sleep..
Night night.

OP posts:
fishcalledwonder · 23/12/2012 00:22

When people ask why I love mumsnet, I may just link them to this thread.

Can't stop laughing at the thought of this poor unsuspecting bloke trying to have a crafty wank while a whole forum of women discuss take the piss out of him.

TwoFacedCows · 23/12/2012 00:23

why so secret? DH works from home, and last week I told him to stay out of the bedroom as I was going to have some solo fun. No problem!