To think that DH is having a wank...

[Hobnobber]

Right now. In the bathroom. Downstairs.

I'm not 100% sure but he's gone in there with his mobile (like he does when he goes in for a número 2, but he never "goes" at night. He thinks I am sleeping as I came up to bed about 30-40 minutes ago.

The wanker.

Yes ring him!

My first thought was that he is on the phone to his girlfriend though, sorry.

@ chameleon

Text him - "I know what you're doing"

Why take his phone in there?

Maybe he's reading the news

Or ordering your Xmas pressie

Or having a trim down below

Why take his phone in there?

Internet porn?

It has to be easier than dragging the laptop in LOL!

I once read an article about a man that regularly did it, in the supermarket toilets.

At home is perfectly acceptable.

vintageviolets -

'Maybe he's reading the news

Or ordering your Xmas pressie

Or having a trim down below '

WorraLorraTurkey -

'Internet porn?'

You're so lovely to try and think of 'innocent' reasons vintage, but we were all thinking what Worra said

vintageviolets I read that as supermarket TROLLIES I need to sleep

Ziggers!!

I just went down to use the loo (to see if he was doing a número two). I'm a poet, me and it doesn't smell really bad so he could have just had a fart whilst he was wanking. I should have called him whilst he was in full swing.

maybe.he is trying out some glow in the bark body paint and he is writting as special xmas message to you on his thing

You missed out there.

Is he now sleeping with a smile on his face?

Have you checked his phone?

Or you should have txt him 'Would you like a hand , love?'

No, he is still downstairs. His mobile is in his pocket.

Maybe he had to put the light out because the toilet light was glaring on his phone camera? Just a suggestion like.

I just went down to use the loo (to see if he was doing a número two). I'm a poet, me and it doesn't smell really bad so he could have just had a fart whilst he was wanking. I should have called him whilst he was in full swing.

I think you have farrrrrrr too much time on your hands

If you can't sleep, have some alcohol or something to help...but stop sounding so creepy!

Eww, so why was he wanking in the toilet and why did you have to think about it? Is yours a happy home? weird set up you have going on there.. weird or unhappy?

Let him knock one out, it is Xmas after all.

wonders who was on the t.v tonight, to put in his wank bank

Its just weird that the person had to tell us in the first place.

Sorry Worra!
I think I'm going to have to listen to my hypnotism app to put me to sleep..
Night night.

When people ask why I love mumsnet, I may just link them to this thread.

Can't stop laughing at the thought of this poor unsuspecting bloke trying to have a crafty wank while a whole forum of women discuss take the piss out of him.

why so secret? DH works from home, and last week I told him to stay out of the bedroom as I was going to have some solo fun. No problem!