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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so cross with DP?

169 replies

WeAreEternal · 19/12/2012 23:38

DP works away. He was supposed to be back tomorrow morning.
He called this morning to tell me that actually he won't be back until Monday probably late afternoon.

It isn't even for work reasons. he doesn't have to stay, he wants to.

I have so much left to do. DS will be so upset. We have everything planned. I need him here.

I listed all of the things that I need him for and he just said "it's fine you can do that on your own though can't you"

The point is that I don't want to and shouldn't have to, I'm not a single parent, I shouldn't have to do everything by my self.

I don't know if I am more cross or upset.

DP thinks I am BU to be cross because I know what his job is like, and he will be back in a few days so "it really doesn't make that much of a difference. HmmSad

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 23:43

What is he staying to do, work or play? Coming back on Christmas Eve, when you have DC, is pretty crappy. Just turning up for the fun after all the work is done. Sad

thebody · 19/12/2012 23:47

Don't understand ,, is he working if so yabu and get on with it. My dh works away all the time... As in works.

If he is playing then he's a twat and yanbu

BoysAreLikeDogs · 19/12/2012 23:48

oh dear

I don't know what to say really

It's a done deal, he's not coming back til Monday, so you'll have to plough on for the moment. YANBU to be cross AND upset

I'm sure someone with more cogent advice will be along soon

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 19/12/2012 23:49

What is he planning to do all weekend?

MammaTJ · 19/12/2012 23:51

YANBU if he is just staying to have a little jolly. TBH he should want to spend his leisure time with his family. The odd night out or afternoon playinf sport is one thing but 4 days away just for the hell of it, right on top of Christmas is ridiculous.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 19/12/2012 23:51

So he's basically decided to take the weekend for a no-responsibilities jolly, has he? Can you afford to book yourself a weekend away mid-January, either with a friend or on your own, to indulge in whatever your favourite kind of leisure is?

frankinsensible · 19/12/2012 23:53

Need a bit more info on his reason for staying but on face value it sounds pretty selfish and you are not BU especially if your ds was looking foward to seeing him.

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 20/12/2012 00:00

He isn't going to be doing any actual work, he says he has "things that need doing" but I'm pretty sure he just wants to stay and hang out with he friends before they all go home for Christmas.
He finished the work that he was doing yesterday, his colleague who he works with daily, who does exactly the same job arrived home today.
I'm friendly with his DW and he told her that he has no idea why DP is staying as there is nothing important left to do.

So he is obviously just staying to that he can go out with his friends over the festive weekend.
And yet I'm apparently be unreasonable for wanting him to behave like a responsible adult.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeAreEternal · 20/12/2012 00:02

I didn't have the heart to tell DS this evening, he is going to be gutted.
He hasn't been home since the beginning of the month.

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 20/12/2012 00:09

That is rotten. OK, so he works away but it sounds like he has checked out of family life altogether. He wants his cake and to eat it. He wants to have all the Christmas fun with his mates and then turn up on Christmas Eve like Santa, all the hard work done by you. Not even a day or two, is it? It's four days of him choosing not to work, either with or for the family. When was the last time you got four days of fun?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 20/12/2012 00:10

Also, if I had spent weeks away from DH and DD, I would be aching to see them and sniff some hair. Why isn't he?

MrsBonkers · 20/12/2012 00:10

Make him tell your DS.
YANBU - I'd be annoyed too.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 20/12/2012 00:13

Does he have a track record of selfishness? How much leisure time (ie child-free and chore-free) time do you get?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/12/2012 00:17

My DH would be desperate to get home if he'd been away that long, absolutely desperate.

How bloody sad for your boy that his Dad doesn't feel that way. Hmm

frankinsensible · 20/12/2012 00:17

Think you need to be firmer with him about his responsibilites - what 'things need doing' exactly? If he hasn't got a reason to stay then he must come back. Make it clear that your ds needs to see him (if he really needs to be told that) and he can't just dump everything on you.

FlourFace · 20/12/2012 00:19

YANBU. What an arsehole!

olympicvibes · 20/12/2012 00:21

YANBU. Sorry but I think that is just baffling. It's the weekend before xmas and he has been away most of the month? Selfish decision, whatever he says. Feel sorry for your ds too. What does he say about letting him down?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/12/2012 00:23

I am not normally one for suggesting this, but do you think he could be having an affair?

BluelightsAndSirens · 20/12/2012 00:27

He is being selfish and should certainly be telling his son, not you.

FlourFace · 20/12/2012 00:32

Affair! Shock

Hadn't thought of that but yes, have you?

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 20/12/2012 00:33

He usually comes home when ever he can, he is not usually this selfish.
He hasn't been able to come back for the last couple of weeks because of what he has been doing at work, he was looking forward to coming home until today, obviously he had had a better offer.

He has become good friend with a few of the 'lads', the thing is they are all single and in their mid 20's, is is 36 with a family.

He has argued that a few more days will make no difference, and that DS won't mind a couple of days alone with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeAreEternal · 20/12/2012 00:35

It's not an affair, he is just being a selfish dick.

OP posts:
JenaiMathis · 20/12/2012 00:35

If he wasn't coming home until Friday, I'd be muttering under my breath but let it pass.

What your p has announced as a fait accompli however is bloody ridiculous/

CuriousMama · 20/12/2012 00:39

This is so sad. What a selfish twat. Sounds like he's having a mid life crisis perhaps?

Poor ds Sad

I'd fuck off somewhere for Christmas if it were me. In fact not sure I could be with someone this selfish. I know ds wants to see him so that's a sticking point.

hatgirl · 20/12/2012 00:44

perhaps he has got a lot of christmas shopping to catch up with? (ha)