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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so cross with DP?

169 replies

WeAreEternal · 19/12/2012 23:38

DP works away. He was supposed to be back tomorrow morning.
He called this morning to tell me that actually he won't be back until Monday probably late afternoon.

It isn't even for work reasons. he doesn't have to stay, he wants to.

I have so much left to do. DS will be so upset. We have everything planned. I need him here.

I listed all of the things that I need him for and he just said "it's fine you can do that on your own though can't you"

The point is that I don't want to and shouldn't have to, I'm not a single parent, I shouldn't have to do everything by my self.

I don't know if I am more cross or upset.

DP thinks I am BU to be cross because I know what his job is like, and he will be back in a few days so "it really doesn't make that much of a difference. HmmSad

OP posts:
larks35 · 20/12/2012 00:46

I agree OP, your DP is being a selfish dick!

You should spend any free time you get over the next few days planning your totally self-indulgant weekend away with your friends. This will allow your DP to have some very important bonding time with his offspring, I'm sure he'll learn a lot from it.

If your one night away suddenly turns into 2 or 3 then perhaps he'll learn some other important lessons too!

FlourFace · 20/12/2012 00:51

I'm so angry for you OP. if I had enough space I'd invite you and DS round for the week!

olympicvibes · 20/12/2012 00:58

No probably not affair but wanting to hang out with single lads...Sounds like he needs a wake up call if he is reverting back to no responsibiities for a weekend with no warning or talking about it with you beforehand-of course he knows it is wrong otherwise would say truthfully why he isnt coming home.
Glad he is not normally so selfish but this needs to never happen again-unplanned and just dumped on you at this time of year. How far away is he?

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 20/12/2012 06:53

I would be absolutely fuming. Has he pulled any stunts like this before?

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 20/12/2012 07:00

This is ridiculous!!?? He can't leave it all to you, just because he wants to 'hang with the lads'!!??
Tell him he needs to tell DS and how devastated he is, if it was me I'd tell him to get his arse home tomorrow, or not bother coming home,. Selfish twat.

misterwife · 20/12/2012 07:33

Don't know the context but from what I've read it sounds like YANBU. Very out of order from where I'm sitting.

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 20/12/2012 07:35

Thank you all for your replies.

I am used to just having to get on with things due to his job, but to have to do it because of his own choice is new.

I have sent him a text message saying "If you don't come home by Saturday don't bother coming home at all as it will be easier to explain to [ds] than that have to work than you are just a selfish twat who doesn't want to come home."

He is a few hundred miles away so there really isnt a whole lot else I can do.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 20/12/2012 07:48

:( Good for you OP. What a selfish, basterdy thing to be doing to you and his son.

Have you other family around you at Christmas? I know it isn't the point, but i'm wondering if you have support.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 20/12/2012 07:55

Yes, good for you OP, he needs to know he can't just leave you in the lurch to pick up the pieces. Work is one thing, having fun with single childless lads is just not on. Good luck!

impty · 20/12/2012 08:17

My Dh works away a lot but tries to be at home as much as possible. It's quite common for him to comment on others who stay away as much as possible. It is treated as a 'break' from home life.

I would be having strong words. YANBU to feel mightily annoyed!

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas · 20/12/2012 08:39

YANBU What a selfish, self-centred twat.

NeedlesCuties · 20/12/2012 08:46

YANBU, poor DS Xmas Sad

Badvocsanta · 20/12/2012 08:49

Yanbu.
Your poor ds.
Am so sad for you both :(

LaCiccolina · 20/12/2012 08:52

He is an arse. He deserves a monumental shock and row. Why are u just saying well ok then darling?! YANBU!!!!!!

Oh and Santa gives coal to naughty boys, or divorce papers..

Wanttowrite · 20/12/2012 08:55

Just a thought. . . Does he need to somehow organise your Christmas present and that's why he wants extra time? It's easy to jump to conclusions, probably best just to ask him 'why do you feel you want to be away from home for extra days?'

catsmother · 20/12/2012 09:17

On the face of it it seems he's booked himself a nice little holiday without any discussion or negotiation. Bloody selfish twat. All this "you can do that on your own" misses the point entirely because, depending on what it is (and it's probably Xmas related stuff isn't it which all goes towards making the occasion nice for everyone but especially DS) it doesn't sound as if you're going to be left with any choice but to do it. Him being there might not make any difference to the things that need to be done - you might still end up doing them - but at least he could amuse DS, take him out perhaps, while you get on ?

And of course your poor little boy will have been missing his dad - maybe he's been counting off the days on a calendar, and now this! So his dad can go out on the piss - and then turn up to the festivities which have somehow magically appeared all on their own without any effort - not.

I really hope your message does the trick - but if he does come home Saturday (which is still taking advantage because you'd expected him home today) I really really hope he has the good grace to apologise profusely and admit he was being a thoughtless selfish wanker who got "carried away" or whatever. If he comes back sulking and resentful because you've "spoiled his fun" like a petulant little brat your Xmas is going to be rotten. Why the heck can't men like this grow up and accept they have family responsibilities if they're a parent ? Why do they think they are some sort of superior being who "deserves" a "bit of fun" as if their partners are robots who never feel the need for a break, or even a bit of good old fashioned respect and consideration.

I'd be making Xmas easier on myself by ditching any jobs that don't need to be done .... like wrapping his bloody presents, or indeed giving him any presents at all. In fact I'd take them back and use the money on something more useful that I wanted as compensation for being left in the shit and/or use it to treat DS to a film or a panto. I'd also "forget" to buy any sweets/beer/wine etc that he liked - which is more than understandable when you're run ragged. Maybe then he'd realise that Xmas ain't delivered by Santa's elves and if he wants Xmas as he likes it he needs to contribute too.

wineandroses · 20/12/2012 09:18

Op, has he responded to your text? He is being an arse; 36 year old men with families don't bunk off the weekend before Christmas. If he doesn't jump on a plane / into a car immediately, I'd be looking for a last minute xmas holiday for you and DS - DH can return to an empty house next week. Twat

VoiceofUnreason · 20/12/2012 09:24

I want to know what he replied to your text, OP.

I'm ashamed of a fellow bloke. He's a total wanker (at best).

This is only the second time I've said this here but I would seriously consider threatening to leave the bastard if he isn't incredibly contrite and vows never to be such a selfish prick again (genuine work issues notwithstanding).

CuriousMama · 20/12/2012 09:26

Good for you. I hope he doesn't think you're bluffing? We're all behind you and your ds xx

CuriousMama · 20/12/2012 09:29

Voice my dp was shocked when I just told him.

WhenAChildIsBawnTigga · 20/12/2012 09:37

Mr Tigga just said what a twat when I told him.

Has he responded to your text yet?

FFSTiggaxx

PickledInAPearTree · 20/12/2012 09:39

I would be beyond fuming. Totally out of order.

MissVerinder · 20/12/2012 09:44

Well done on the text, OP.

DoItRight · 20/12/2012 09:50

I think your text was totally justified. You don't get to pick and choose which parts of family life you participate in. This would be a crappy thing to do at any time of year, let alone just before Xmas.
Hope you're ok

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 20/12/2012 12:14

He still think I'm BU, he said "don't be so childish"

It has gotten worse, this morning my neighbours wall fell down and has damaged out fence. I called DP in a panic because the wall was leaning dangerously and I didn't know what to do, and he said "what do you expect me to do? get the neighbour to call her LL it's not our problem"
Except it will be if it had fallen on our DS.

I am so angry with him.
The boiler has also been on the fritz for the last couple of days and he called a plumber without telling me who turned up this morning when I was trying to sort of the wall and the house was a tip.
I was so embarrassed.

OP posts: