To feel bad about lying to my children?

[Meggymoodle]

Father Christmas. Totally acceptable lying.

Don't get me wrong, we "do" Father Christmas but I'm not convinced about the ethics of lying to my sprogs.

Perhaps I should become religious as that seems to be the only acceptable way out of opting out of the FC belief.

I don't even remember when I found out 'the truth' or how. I don't think it matters a toss.

I cant remember it just sort of evolved that santa wasn't real and I didnt dissolve in floods of tears ,

It was me who made the comparison with religion because to me they are both joyful lies that were rolled out at xmas.

The Jesus lie affected me deeply, the FC one did not so I am happy to tell that one :)

Even DS1 who has AS and doesn't really get the concept of lying was absolutely fine & unscarred to discover that Father Christmas wasn't exactly real .

It is the one acceptable exaggeration of the truth .

Oh I hate all the paintings my kids do, apart from the odd one or two. I can't wait to ditch them in the recycling.
I tell them they are lovely though. Obviously.
As do the rest of you liars!

Long live Santa!!!

Perhaps I should become religious as that seems to be the only acceptable way out of opting out of the FC belief

I know an athiest family who dont do santa they just do christmas and presents it really is no big deal what anybody does as long as everybody is happy

It was imaginative play mrsD started by him and he wanted you to join in. Presumably you don't insist he believes in fairies... do you?

Oh I hate all the paintings my kids do, apart from the odd one or two. I can't wait to ditch them in the recycling.
I tell them they are lovely though. Obviously.
As do the rest of you liars!

Long live Santa!!

Sometime i log into MN and i am sure i have entered some sort of parallel universe

It's not lying, it's fiction.

If you say that perpetuating the FC myth is lying then on the same basis you could say all stories are lies. Cinderella? Pack of lies. Goldilocks? Never happened. The Enormous Crocodile? lies! all lies- crocodiles can't talk!

It's called the magic of childhood. They've got the rest of their lies to see that the world is rather ordinary and that fairy stories never happened. It's hardly a matter of ethics to help their young imaginations see the world could be a magical place full of of fantastical stories.

Some of my happiest childhood memories involve waiting for Santa and looking for him in the sky on Christmas Eve. I never saw it as my parents deceiving me or lying. It was wonderful to believe in magic for a few years.

I don't understand why you think it's an either/or situation waffles - either your children believe or you're totally literal and logical. I will certainly be doing the story of Santa with my children, and they will go and see him in the shopping centre etc, but I won't be making out that he actually comes into the house on Christmas Eve. I pretend with my DS all the time - I pretend his toys are talking, I pretend to be frightened when he's says he's a tiger and starts chasing me etc. Even at age 2 he knows all this isn't real.

The fact is the vast majority of parents who do the Santa thing do make out he's real. That's not imagination or make believe, that's encouraging your child to believe something that isn't true. Even when children question it plenty of parents don't tell them the truth.

There is a big difference IMO between playing and pretending, where everyone involved knows it's just a game and so has equal control over the fantasy, and presenting a story to a child and letting them believe wholeheartedly that it's real, even going to so far as to lie to them to encourage that.

Er nope, still not getting it.

Only on mn (chuckles) away...
I'll carry on with the lie, it's better than being scrooge

I remember working out Santa wasn't real. My mum told me the story often enough.
I was absolutely amazed that my mum and dad had been behind all the terrific loot over the years!
"So YOU got me the xxx and the xxx??! Wow!! Thank you!"

In a funny sort of way it made me feel very loved. Especially when I thought of all the trouble they had gone to to make it magical for me.

So there you have it - a genuine child's response to finding out the truth about Santa.

When it comes to the Santa myth, I can't see any good reason not to...and the arguments presented here have not swayed me at all.
It's only lying if you are a po faced git.

Merry bloody Christmas!!

I remember when it was confirmed to me by my mum that Santa was not real. I was about 9 and had basically figured out that logistically it just couldnt be true.

Was I a little bit disappointed that he wasnt real? Of course.

Do I wish that my parents had never 'lied' to me about the whole Santa thing to save me from that brief period of mild disappointment? No way.

And also what pictish just said.

Well, my ds has a great time at Christmas as we did when we were kids, no one's po faced in this house.

No one is saying if you do the whole FC you have to change what you are doing, but lots saying that people who don't do!

Must look into becoming a JW...

pictish my DD now 13 was the same! She almost felt sorry for us having to buy stocking presents and pyjamas from the pyjama fairy!

She and her brother (12) play along now for the sake of DD2 (8) and they love the magic!

And I am one of those horrible cruel mothers who reminds her children that Santa is watching throughout December and even phoned the big man to tell tales about DD1 last week. Well it stopped DD2 whinging about how mean her sister was!

Ha ha! Yes!
Best bargaining tool there ever was.

Let's face it - Santa rules ok.

Why wouldn't you?

I don't think anyone really does that though do they? It all comes to a natural conclusion by itself.

My eldest stopped believing when he was 6, which was a shame. It didn't occur to me to try to keep it going though. That would be weird.

I have a 5 yr old (5 today in fact!) and a 3 yr old. They are loving the lie right now. It's brilliant.

This is really interesting. My parents never let me believe in Father Christmas (or the Tooth Fairy), though we always pretended to believe. That was because we were quite a religious family and they didn't want me to find out he wasn't real and then think God wasn't real either.

I am now trying to decide what to tell my DS (2.5). I need to have a good chat to my DH and see what we think is the best way forward from both our family traditions. This thread has given me food for thought!

I believed in Santa when I was little and my mum went along with it. Like others, I have lovely memories of the magic and excitement of this time of year, and I am really glad that I had those childish beliefs for a little while. But when I asked her directly, my mother told me the truth. She didn't try to convince me or force me into believing or threaten me that I wouldn't get any presents (as my headteacher at primary school did try to!) I think that is the best way to go about it. You should be able to depend on your parents to tell you the truth about the world. I will do the same with my children.

My 6 year old believes still which is lovely and he and DS2 (4) told me they had seen FC fly past the window the other evening whilst I was downstairs which was really sweet I though.

I don't think I would outright lie to my eldest if he decided he didn't believe as that is not fair but I will try to keep the magic alive as long as possible.