To feel bad about lying to my children?

[Meggymoodle]

Father Christmas. Totally acceptable lying.

Don't get me wrong, we "do" Father Christmas but I'm not convinced about the ethics of lying to my sprogs.

Interestingly the way I want to do the Santa thing is related to stories and pretending - I want DS (and his sister to be) to know the story of Santa and to play the game of writing a letter etc without actually believing he's real. I want Santa to be an imaginative thing, not a literal thing.

One of my uncles used to tell us that the mayor of the local town rode around on a pig. "There he is!! Oh no, you missed him again, he's just gone behind that house." We believed him and didn't believe him at the same time.

Ditto my BIL to my children: made up stories about how his two little dogs have a car each. One of them drives a Mini, but the other one has a Mercedes. Long and involved stories, great fun, and again, they believe him and don't believe him.

So all these stories are lies. What is so wrong with that?

Oh dear. I've only scanned the last few replies. I was going to come on here with a joyous recollection of all the stories my dad used to tell us about bogles, fairies and the little people, but I think he has contributed to my being a bad parent. I shall blame him anyway.

I tell my almost 6 yo about the Green Man for example, and how he protects the countryside (or not!). I also spin great yarns about FC as he always asks how he gets around everyone on Christmas Eve and how he gets down the chimney etc. Whilst he is quite a serious little boy, I don't think it does him harm. In fact it seems to feed his imagination. He loves to hear the tales, though I do say, "well, I don't know for sure, but this is what I thought when I was little..." etc etc

When he comes in time to question it, I suspect I will say to him what I say about God. God to me is an elaborate story, I am an atheist. When he comes home from school saying "God said this, or did that, didn't he Mummy" , I usually remark that some people believe this and some people believe that. I tell him(if he asks me directly) that I don't happen to believe this or that particular story, and that it is fine for him to ask questions. I have no issue with him hearing stories at this age. Or believing them, if they do not scare him silly. We read the Greek myths a few months ago and he informed me that he believed in the Minotaur but not Medusa

At the moment, his questions about FC are clearly about enjoying the moment, as it were. If I thought he needed to know the absolute truth at any time, I would not hesitate to tell him.

Happy Christmas!!!

Everyone's approach to FC is different in any case. Some don't want him getting the credit for the big presents, some have him bring ALL the presents and some have a mix of the two. It's all about a family tradition for a VERY short period of time.

DD1 doesn't believe in god - she has made up her mind that he can't be real, that it's like the Harry Potter films, make believe tricks.

DD2 says things like "I was nervous about jumping into the deep end of the pool but I believed in god and I trusted that he would help me so I was fine."

Personally, I don't believe. But I will let my children make up their own minds about it. Same with Father Christmas. So when DD2 asks me something about god or FC, I just go "hmmm, yes, some people say that ... [etc]". Who's to say that I am right and she is wrong?? (well, perhaps that doesn't apply to FC but you know what I mean).

There's nothing inherently wrong with those stories Limburgse. However it does depend on the context in which they're told. If you questioned the story and your uncle said you wouldn't get sweets if you didn't believe it (which is what a lot of people say to their children about Santa - you won't get presents if you don't believe) then basically the story wouldn't be a fun game it would be a way to manipulate you. Or if you questioned the story and say, your aunt, got really annoyed because she wanted her children to believe then again the story would have gone too far - it's just a story and if a child doesn't believe it so what? Yet parents often do get very annoyed when they're told by friends at school that Santa isn't real. Or again if your BIL used the story about the dogs to threaten your children, say, "Be good or the dogs will knock you down!" (Be good or I'll tell Santa and you won't get any presents!") again the story would have gone too far, from something fun, to something used that takes advantage of the child's gullibility to manipulate them.

The main objection I have to Santa, in truth, is the way so many parents seem to use him as a threat. That is bloody lazy parenting in my view - if you can't get your children to behave without stressing them out about a time of year that's supposed to be fun, then you need to revise your ideas I think.

I have told ds Santa will be coming, regardless of whether he has been a bit naughty at times. Because no one is perfect. I do not use it as a threat.

Yes that's right, no one is perfect. Though I think some on this thread are trying to be.

I do think some people just hate Christmas and there may be valid reasons for that.

But for some the hatred isn't really about lies or presents or consumerism. It is because they are dysfunctional, unable to fully appreciate or accept gifts and warmth or bitter about other's joy.

Some on here sound exactly like my step-father, who ruined many a christmas with his rants about our greed, our excitement, the uselessness of the gifts we bought him.

Oh my goodness! So people that don't do FC hate Christmas? I LOVE Christmas as do all my family. Don't project your horrible Step father's behaviour onto others please.

I'm really sorry he was such an arse though - I had a crap SF too

I absolutely love Christmas. I'm not sure why you're trying to make out that people who don't do the Santa thing are somehow defective rubberglove, it's really strange, it just doesn't make sense.

No, each to their own. But there have been several posts about this, with the OP usually stating that those who indulge in the myth are defective. Not the other way round.

I have told ds Santa will be coming, regardless of whether he has been a bit naughty at times. Because no one is perfect. I do not use it as a threat.

No i never did either although santa used to phone dd1 every christmas eve at about 10pm cos she wouldnt go to bed sigh there is nothing wrong with Santa in my eyes i think he is the dogs watmes and there is nothing wrong with people and families who do do santa same as the other way round, and tbh if you don't do santa then that is fine nothing wrong in it and nothing tobe smug about