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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad about lying to my children?

238 replies

Meggymoodle · 19/12/2012 14:25

Father Christmas. Totally acceptable lying.

Don't get me wrong, we "do" Father Christmas but I'm not convinced about the ethics of lying to my sprogs.

OP posts:
rubberglove · 19/12/2012 19:18

Well it is quite rigid to me, to believe rules such as don't lie, must be applied to all scenarios.

Even bloody Santa Claus

I accept that everyone is entitled to parent how they wish. But as far as I can see, it isn't the ones who like to indulge in the FC thing who keep posting about it.

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 19/12/2012 19:27

I bloody love you Turkey and Frasersmummy i have just done videos for my dds.

DD2 who is six was beside herself, i nearly started crying.

DD1 who is nearly ten knows he's not real but goes alone with it for DD2, even she thought it was wonderful.

Thanks for you both.

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 19:30

If it is 'lying' then I am very thankful that I had parents who wanted to make magical Christmases for me.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 19/12/2012 19:35

Exactly Exotic. My mum told me a lot of lies when i was younger, so much so that i don't know what parts of my childhood are true. Santa being real was the only lie im glad she told.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 19/12/2012 19:38

Also, i have never lied to my DD about it as she has never asked if he is real or not. I think that when she does i will just say that is for her to decide.

thegreylady · 19/12/2012 19:44

My lot were convinced hat dh aka Grandad is the real FC [[17 stones,white hair and bushy beard] when we visited a Santa special and Santa said, "hey its the boss!!"
They refuse to believe that it isnt him who travels round the world on the 24th delivering toys.I asked where we kept the reindeer and the 5 year old looked at my two cats and said in all seriousness,"Maybe they are magic and change into reindeer".

wigglesrock · 19/12/2012 19:48

I'm another person who really has never even thought about it being lying Blush

My children can talk about Santa all they want - they haven't actually asked me if he's real (7, 5 and 22 months). I tell them Santa brings their presents (I think dd1 knows but she likes the whole idea of it, and if she comes clean I think she knows the chances of her getting yet another cuddly toy are slim to none without Santas intervention) I remember when I found my Christmas presents I was about 7/8 - did I feel lied to - Nope. Didn't even give it a second thought. My Mum made a big fuss of me and took me out to help her do the Christmas shopping and a hot chocolate Grin

I honestly, honestly haven't heard one person in real life debate this ever.

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 19:56

When DCs asked outright I told them-they were ready. Before that we just had fun. They all kept it up for younger ones.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 19/12/2012 20:09

The whole business of 'keeping it up for the younger ones' is a real Christmas rite of passage. Like your first permitted sip of sweet sherry, the day you get the wink that you're not to let on about Santa to the tinies.... that's the day you know you're all growed up!!!

confuddledDOTcom · 19/12/2012 20:38

I questioned my mum about it, she really hates lies and she said it's in what you say. all our presents are from who they're from for a start. to me that is dishonest. everything we say about him is euphemism. going to talk to him is buying presents, sending things to him is taking them wherever we store them.

CailinDana · 19/12/2012 20:50

Fair enough if you feel that way rubberglove, I don't. I don't lie. I might hide the truth in certain circumstances if I feel it's appropriate but telling children that Santa brings their presents is a lie - you are saying something that is definitely not true. I just don't see the point in it.

confuddledDOTcom · 19/12/2012 21:00

I've had discussions with my eldest about lies. good lies are not telling people what they're having as a present. bad lies are covering up when you or someone has done something naughty, unless it's a good lie no one should tell you not to tell Mummy/ Daddy/ Nanny. the other lie is teasing when you know the other person knows, if they are at my parents house i'll often be told "we're not having cuddles" or they'll get me to text Nanny (or VV) a picture of them eating out and say they're not eating out.

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella · 19/12/2012 22:01

MN is the only place I have come across this bullshit, not one person I know in RL thinks this way. Anyway it's not a lie because, of course, Father Christmas is real Xmas Grin

Softlysoftly · 19/12/2012 22:10

Why do people not want children to have magic in their lives?

Amira unless you genuinely don't have change or the icecreams do taste like shit you realise that's still lying right???

FFS let kids be kids, you can't be so black and white about magic myths and lies.

"Mummy when we drive to school might I die in the car"

"yes darling of all the possible fates death by carcrash is actually statistically most likely, I would vouch the truth to make you feel less worried but wouldn't want to break your little heart lying now would I?"

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 22:18

I tell the truth if asked- 'I believe in Father Christmas' -I believe every DC needs magic in their life.

lovescake83 · 19/12/2012 23:40

I have a friend who is not doing FC. She doesn't want to lie to her DC. Fine.

However this friend is extremely religious and has no problem telling her DC equally fantastic lies about bread and wine. Nor is there a problem with celebrating his fictional birthday.

The answer : what is a lie to some is an indelible truth to others, and not lies hurt you.

CailinDana · 19/12/2012 23:44

That really is a silly comparison lovescake. There is no sane adult in the world who truly believes in Santa, yet millions truly believe in God and Jesus. Santa, as children believe in him, is a 100% fictional character, whereas Jesus did actually exist. Surely you can see the difference?

Interestingly there is another thread running at the moment where a parent has told her daughter that her friend, who said Santa isn't real, is a liar. Once you have to go those sort of lengths to keep the "magic" of Santa going - lying about a child's friend and insulting them -it's gone a bit too far IMO. But that's the corner parents often get pushed into with the whole Santa malarkey.

lovescake83 · 19/12/2012 23:53

I do not believe in Jesus unfortunately. Many do not so I wont be telling my DC that particular lie. However I respect it is a nice fairy tale, as is FC. Thats my point.

CailinDana · 19/12/2012 23:56

But the fact is lovescake, every single adult who claims Santa is real knows they're lying, whereas people who truly believe in Jesus believes they are telling the truth. Can you see the difference? Santa is always a conscious lie, but to religious people the story of Jesus is entirely true.

MissCellania · 19/12/2012 23:58

Life is full of lies. Get over yourself and take the rod out of your arse.

CailinDana · 19/12/2012 23:59

"Life is full of lies" - cheery!

MissCellania · 20/12/2012 00:07

It is! If you want to be arsey and call Santa lying, then judge everything else as harshly. Or, you know, suck it up and enjoy the obfuscation, myth and magic all around.

lovescake83 · 20/12/2012 00:16

I agree, the intent is different but the result is the same : Child finds out at 10 that it was all fibs. Nice fibs but still lies to make life seem nicer.

Whats wrong with asking a nice old man with a white beard for things you want, and in exchange you'll be good all year?

louisianablue2000 · 20/12/2012 00:18

Christmas is all about lying. Oh yummy, I love turkey and sprouts. Thankyou so much for that present. Thankyou so much for comin to visit, it was lovely to see you. At least Santa brings presents you want.

CailinDana · 20/12/2012 00:18

I don't agree at all that life is full of lies - mine certainly isn't!