To be at my wits end re dd and her melt downs over loud chewing and slurping....

[PolkadotCircus]

......which ended up with her going to school with half a packed lunch and me screaming like a banshee.

Really don't know what to do.It's really starting to have an impact on our family life.

Dd nearly 8 has this weird obsession over loud chewing,crunching,sniffing and slurping.She doesn't have SEN and apart from being a minx now and again she's a normal bright 7 year old with a great sense of humour.

Soooo if she hears any of the above she sobs,gets uber angry and literally can't control herself.

She has 2 brothers who are now eating meals on tender hooks.1 had a cold last week and omg the fall out.

Aside from screaming at her I'm all out of ideas.She grudgingly admitted today that she could stop herself but she doesn't, it happens over and over again.I'm starting to dread breakfast as it's the one meal I can't send her up to her room(she gets very wobbly if she goes without food for too long).

1 of her brothers is getting very nervous re eating meals and the continual mealtime stress is making me .

Sorry to post here but I need the traffic and ideas of how to handle it.I've tried everything.Today I threatened to contact school and frogmarch in her nightie,she begged me not to and admitted she could control herself saying she would in future(heard that before).

I want nice serene breakfast times of a school morning like other families have.

Help-please before I explode(again)!!!!

You're the adult here and you need to get yourself under control. Screaming at an eight year old is way, way, way out of order and is going to make the situation 10 x worse abs more traumatic for your child.

I kind of see her point - loud eating noises are intensely irritating (and incredibly bad manners).

Could she be having hormone issues? Puberty not unheard of at eight.

hairy - have you read the thread?

Yes I've read the thread. The fact that OP was "screaming like a banshee" at her child over this really bothered me, so I felt it needed to be said.

Thanks for your concern

How on earth does she cope eating her lunch at school? If she copes fine then personally I would not go on tiptoe round her as i think it will make matters worse. Ignore, ignore, ignore or could you have the cd/radio on during breakfast?

I am much worse in a quiet situation with one lone quiet noise. YES to the dh above who rubs his nails against each other - this can make me feel terrible and want to leave the room. And almost as bad is if he has his legs crossed with one leg shaking. But I do not get any bad reactions at all when I am in a noisy room full of people making all sorts of noises all together.

So maybe my ds is fine at school lunchtimes as there is such a rabble around him it is hard to notice each little noise.

The ordinary noises that irritate need distraction or disguising to get over but, chomping, slurping, eating open mouthed, sniffing are just bad manners and the offender is the one that needs taking to task. admittedly difficult with strangers A toddler can be taught to eat nicely so noone should have to listen to adults troughing!

I'm wondering what the psychological link is. It does seem that I'm worse if I'm tired, and perhaps in some situations more than others. Quite a few on the "experiences" page on the misophonia website talk of a difficult childhood.

IF I mean. If there's a psychological link. Of course the misophonia is very very real. I was just wondering if like tiredness, there are emotional situationos that trigger it more than others. Certainly there are some people I find harder than others and some situations worse. However once something has triggered me I can't just "ignore" it and feel like I want to explode!

I'm highly aware that screaming like a banshee isn't ideal hence the thread and hence it being in aibu.

We have tried everything and I do mean everything.Dp never shouts and this has reduced him to shrieking(and near tears).I also have 2 other boys one of whom is getting v nervy re eating at the table.I'm stuck between the 2 and feeling crap for both.Said son has hayfever and I think some kind of dust allergy(he has a cat allergy but we don't have a cat) as soon as the central heating is on his nose runs and he sniffs as often there isn't enough to wipe iykwim.

As a parent I try not shout and generally don't but you know what I'm not superhuman.

Anyhow we had a waaaaay better day today. I had a chat with her yesterday and she said actually it's the sniffing that is more of an issue as we're all much better re chewing.Anyway I said we're going to help her but she has to try to not be rude and unkind.Soooo she ate half her breakfast alone(makes me sad as I like us all eating together) and then we had the radio on and dd wore her snowman ear muffs over cotton wool in her ears.Very calm breakfast and she was pleased with herself,dtwin 1 got to eat his porridge in peace.

Kind of worried re the person who said people with this have troubled childhoods.I had 3 babies in a year and I won't lie it has been stressful at times.Do you think a full on,loud family life has caused this?She had to hit the ground running as a baby as I had 15 month old twin boys.She's a very bubbly,happy,gorgeous girl(slightly shy at school but low in confidence in a couple of subjects but doing well across the board).Holds her own well in any situation and very adept at standing up for herself iykwim.

She is knackered atm.

I'm just grumpy when I'm tired and a slurp can hurl me over the edge. I think we all just have less reserves.

Dunno about psychological cause - feels much more basic and instinctual to me. Like not liking spiders or fearing snakes. I always thought was because my dad, due to ent problems, couldn't breathe well through nose so had to eat and mouth breathe when I was a kid (all fixed now with surgery). But he ate like this till I was about 15 and I think it sensitised me to noises.

OP is also concerned about her sons reactions to DD, their feelings are equally important it is not OK for her to make other people to feel bad about normal noises, or for DS to feel normal eating mealtimes are war zones and DD feelings matter more (I am not talking about bad mannered slurping open mouthed chewing but OP says this is not the case) but you can not eat apples or crisps silently and it is BU to expect people not to eat them or to move away to do so

Some people have medical/ dental problems which make it impossible for them to eat or breathe even quietly never mind silently

DD deserves understanding and to be helped to cope but it is not really helping her by agreeing that normal noises are digusting and it is OK to feel really angry about normal things, it is OK to be irritated by many things but part of social skills is keeping quiet about it and dealing with it and not blaming the source of the irritant for your over-reaction whether you can help it or not

I have mild tinnitus although I also have slightly impaired hearing, DH snores he can not help it as has nose polys which keep recurring it annoys me stops me sleeping but there is no point in getting angry with him it would not be fair so we sleep in different rooms 4-5 nights a week to make sure we get some sleep

Thanks Sarah that is pretty much how I feel tbh.

Wow - my DSis had this. Ended up with her eating at different times to rest of us - though by then my family were starting to do this anyway. I just assumed she was being difficult for years and I think we all did.

As an adult she has fewer issues - possible because she can arrange things so she doesn't eat with the worst offending family members.

I hope you find a way of dealing with this OP.

These ear defenders are good, and could get her through breakfast on difficult days maybe (no misophonia here but ASD son with sensory issues around noise - ear defenders have made all sorts of new things possible for us!)

They look fab-she'd love those!!!

I'm Ok and can cope with other noise around too. It's when it's quiet and I can hear these noises that I have a problem. Social occasions in a busy restaurant and music are fine for me. So a busy dinner hall would have been ok when I was a child.

Also, unless you have experienced it, it's hard to explain to others as they think you are just being intolerant and irritable and it's not the case. It often happens when you are with people you love and a sufferer would give anything not to have this problem.

I am one of those who has feelings of extreme frustration with noisy eaters however I'm aware that it's my problem not the chewee's. There's no point saying 'Oh I have misophonia, it's not my fault, it's a condition I have.

Your daughter needs to learn coping strategies.

Up to a point though- noisy eaters lack basic manners, it's their fault as well.

True, but they're not going anywhere. Noisy, sloppy eaters will always exist.

Oh and to the poster who mentioned movements. I have developed a problem with working in a small office recently with colleagues flicking through papers and licking fingers to do so. I have to look down at my desk as I feel so distressed if it's in my view.

Sorry for multi postings, but just come back to the thread.

I have never mentioned any of this to a doctor. I expect they would think you were odd and wouldn't have heard of it being a disorder. Perhaps we are living in enlightened times and the professionals can acknowledge this as a disorder as they now can with so many 'new' childhood syndromes.

Mine was triggered by my father eating noisily and coincided with me going through puberty, early, iirc. This is mentioned on the misophonia website.

squoosh, maybe you don't suffer to the same degree as other people.