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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be at my wits end re dd and her melt downs over loud chewing and slurping....

214 replies

PolkadotCircus · 18/12/2012 11:00

......which ended up with her going to school with half a packed lunch and me screaming like a banshee.

Really don't know what to do.It's really starting to have an impact on our family life.

Dd nearly 8 has this weird obsession over loud chewing,crunching,sniffing and slurping.She doesn't have SEN and apart from being a minx now and again she's a normal bright 7 year old with a great sense of humour.

Soooo if she hears any of the above she sobs,gets uber angry and literally can't control herself.

She has 2 brothers who are now eating meals on tender hooks.1 had a cold last week and omg the fall out.

Aside from screaming at her I'm all out of ideas.She grudgingly admitted today that she could stop herself but she doesn't, it happens over and over again.I'm starting to dread breakfast as it's the one meal I can't send her up to her room(she gets very wobbly if she goes without food for too long).

1 of her brothers is getting very nervous re eating meals and the continual mealtime stress is making me Sad.

Sorry to post here but I need the traffic and ideas of how to handle it.I've tried everything.Today I threatened to contact school and frogmarch in her nightie,she begged me not to and admitted she could control herself saying she would in future(heard that before).

I want nice serene breakfast times of a school morning like other families have.

Help-please before I explode(again)!!!!

OP posts:
coffeeinbed · 18/12/2012 12:59

Fascinating reading.
I think I have this as well.
it irritates me enormously and I really struggle to contain myself.
Eating with the PILs and my dad can be a nightmare, I'm trying to avoid it as much as I can.

Viviennemary · 18/12/2012 13:01

This sounds difficult and I don't think she is just being awkward for the sake of it. I think the best temporary solution is to eat in a different room. Or eat before or after the others in the family. Or as suggested in other posts try music or earphones. Because once something starts annoying someone in that way it is difficult to ignore it.

SusieSausages · 18/12/2012 13:02

ShowOfHands, I think I'm pretty much the same as you. Just typing the word 'slurp' physically revolts me, but I've got a fear of other people's saliva.

I can't be in the same room as DH when he eats, because his jaw clicks, I can hear the saliva being washed around his mouth like a washing machine and he makes involuntary grunting and moaning noises. It's put me off being near anyone eating now because I'm on edge waiting for the first saliva-y type noise.

I'm so glad you posted on here, OP.

Scrazy · 18/12/2012 13:15

I have this and have since being a child. I used to think it was me being a horrible person and of course, there was no name for it 40 years ago. It's misophonia as others have pointed out.

I have to put ear phones in at work and listen to music when colleagues, slurp, cough and eat nosily. Could this help at meal times?

coffeeinbed · 18/12/2012 13:29

Show of Hands that non nom nom thing makes me want to scream.

TapirAroundTheChristmasTree · 18/12/2012 13:43

I thought it was just me!

The noise that people make when they eat makes me want to vomit, and I've had to walk away before. I struggle to control myself when I have pmt, and do my best to not be around other people eating.

So glad I'm not the only one

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 18/12/2012 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottiegarbanzo · 18/12/2012 14:14

Ifyoulike, essentially I agree with you. I think though, there's no harm mentioning this to a GP if going anyway, or going specially if other tactics don't work. I'd expect a sympathetic hearing, if not necessarily well informed and a commitment to look up and signpost suitable advice and support.

I don't think it's helpful for the OP to make assumptions about how helpful a GP will or won't be. Better to assume nothing but see it as one potentially helpful route.

I found the comment about messing up the dd's medical records odd. It suggests the OP is seeking to control things that are, or should be, outside her control. If the dd needs treatment she does. Dealing with any consequences follows. To avoid treatment so as to avoid (imagined / unlikely) consequences would be allowing the tail to wag the dog.

Btw, generally, the fact that there is a condition and lots of people here have it or something like, does not mean OP's dd has this, obviously. There could be other explanations.

Original poster
PolkadotCircus · 18/12/2012 14:15

Blimey I can't tell you how heartened I am re this thread.I honestly was starting to think dp and I or dd were insane.Very reassuring to hear soooo many people suffer from this.

I truly believe she can't help it.I am a very assertive parent and don't take any shite,never pander.I really don't think she'd put herself through the trauma of my melt downs or dp's meltdowns voluntarily iykwim.I was honestly at the end of my tether this morning literally frothing and it must have been upsetting for all.

Dp is besotted with dd and very patient,this issue is the only thing I've ever seen him lose his temper over with her, they're v intune and upsetting her daddy to the point of rage isn't something she'd do lightly iykwim.

Re the doctor as others have said it is insurance etc later I worry about.Things change re records/insurance etc and I don't want her over diagnosed if I can help it. Dtwin 2 has a benign heart murmur and I pushed and pushed for extra checks to make absolutely sure it wasn't life threatening(we lost a young friend to an undiagnosed heart condition).Ds is absolutely fine as we were told he would be but it has been expensive getting holiday insurance for him.Feel a bit bad he'll have all those tests/concerns for life on his records all because he had a twitchy mum. Obviously if things don't improve with some of these suggestions I'll take her.

Many,many thanks for sharing all your experiences,it's greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Ifyoulike · 18/12/2012 14:22

lottiegarbanzo, I agree with everything in your last post. Smile

Good luck PolkadotCircus! I do think its important not to avoid medical input if it does come to that, but it sounds like you're weighing things up quite carefully, and have a plan of action. All the best!

RafaellaNhaKyria · 18/12/2012 14:23

I also struggle with misophonia. It's a frigging nightmare to live with. As an adult I am able to control my reactions to it or remove myself from a situation, but as a child I had a very difficult time controlling myself. My mother gave me the option of eating alone somewhere else, though I was always welcome at the table. Most of the time I started out at the table with the family and quietly took my plate elsewhere when it became too much.

I still feel apoplectic if I'm on a car trip with people eating snacks. Lag week my boyfriend got up for a midnight snack and brought a piece of pecan pie back to bed. I adore him, and I know everyone has to chew. But I wanted to throw it across the room.

TheHoneyDragonsDrunkInTheIvy · 18/12/2012 14:24

I have this. As a child I could control it. But by control, I mean stoping myself attempting to repeatedly slam people's heads into a plate.

My father eats like a pig at a trough at the best of times as a child it was hell Sad. At 14y mum told the gp I was vile at the dinner table and would not eat. Thankfully the gp understood straight away and told my mum she was exacerbating the problem by forcing me to endure it.

I was then allowed to leave the room.

I cope now my focusing my attentions elsewhere during a meal. But I still can physically eat my self if someone else is loud or has their mouth open. And if they spew food at me and ask why I'm not eating I pretend my phone has rang and walk away.

It's horrible. Please don't punish her.

TheHoneyDragonsDrunkInTheIvy · 18/12/2012 14:25

Can't eat. Sorry.

diddl · 18/12/2012 14:31

I don´t have this, but I thought that these were noises that irritated everyone to various degrees tbh.

I hope she finds some coping strategies.

TheLateMrPamuk · 18/12/2012 14:51

I have this. One of my first memories is asking my uncle to stop making that ?tatty noise?.
It is awful to live with and you really can't help it.

elizaregina · 18/12/2012 17:16

havent read whole thread but my DD does this too - gets very angry when we eat the noise and also when i type!

she also seems to have a sensitve ear to tunes and music - is it all related?

Marzipanface · 18/12/2012 17:46

Doesn't everyone get annoyed by repetitive noises? I had no idea there was a name for this that it could annoy others so much they talk about hurting the other person.

nannyof3 · 18/12/2012 17:48

I hate that too !!!!!

NessunDorma · 18/12/2012 18:04

I have this. I used to share an office with my old boss, she started to eat an apple and I honestly felt like I was going to explode. It took all my effort not to scream at her. I had to go the toilets and calm myself down. Yep that's just one example. Hearing people whistle actually makes me feel teary. Xmas Hmm

BoatysTinselSails · 18/12/2012 18:16

Another one here that is repulsed by slurping, chomping.
As a teenager I had a blazing row with my grandfather as his table manners were so poor I felt sick every mealtime! I ended up eating my meals in the kitchen on my own!
Even now I struggle when people are eating, if I am eating myself I can stay in the room otherwise I have to leave.
When DC were small they knew from toddlerhood to eat properly or I would remove the meal! The plus side was as 2 and 3 year olds they were complimented on their tablemanners at a party! Xmas Grin They also knew that if their friends at school had poor habits there would only be the one tea invite! Xmas Wink

hopkinette · 18/12/2012 18:23

I have misophonia and it's fucking awful to live with - awful for the person who has it and awful for the people around them. It just makes you come across as the most hateful, judgmental cunt :( It blighted my childhood and I still struggle with it. I cope by wearing ear plugs a lot of the time (for fellow sufferers, I've found these ones to be the best), and I never leave the house without my mp3 player. I've had verbal altercations with strangers about sniffing, I've drawn blood from my palms with my nails when a co-worker ate an apple at his desk, I cannot be in the same room as someone stirring a cup of tea. It is HORRIBLE.

Osmiornica · 18/12/2012 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByTheWay1 · 18/12/2012 18:41

my misophonia is to repetitive sounds - they can be very soft, don't need to be loud - tap tap tapping, dripping, squeaking, or worst for me rubbing of socked feet together ...........just makes me feel serious anxiety and like running away from it..

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 18/12/2012 18:44

As a child I used to wear the old fashion styled headphones at all meals at home. The fat cushion on the headphones used to work for me but I could still hear what was being said around me.

These days at home I have the radio on fairly loudly and if I have to eat while out i used ear phones.

I feel sick at the thought of the sound of someone else eating/sniffing etc

How does she manage at school ?

ivanapoo · 18/12/2012 18:46

I have had this too and would second background noise eg music, radio or TV