To be at my wits end re dd and her melt downs over loud chewing and slurping....

[PolkadotCircus]

......which ended up with her going to school with half a packed lunch and me screaming like a banshee.

Really don't know what to do.It's really starting to have an impact on our family life.

Dd nearly 8 has this weird obsession over loud chewing,crunching,sniffing and slurping.She doesn't have SEN and apart from being a minx now and again she's a normal bright 7 year old with a great sense of humour.

Soooo if she hears any of the above she sobs,gets uber angry and literally can't control herself.

She has 2 brothers who are now eating meals on tender hooks.1 had a cold last week and omg the fall out.

Aside from screaming at her I'm all out of ideas.She grudgingly admitted today that she could stop herself but she doesn't, it happens over and over again.I'm starting to dread breakfast as it's the one meal I can't send her up to her room(she gets very wobbly if she goes without food for too long).

1 of her brothers is getting very nervous re eating meals and the continual mealtime stress is making me .

Sorry to post here but I need the traffic and ideas of how to handle it.I've tried everything.Today I threatened to contact school and frogmarch in her nightie,she begged me not to and admitted she could control herself saying she would in future(heard that before).

I want nice serene breakfast times of a school morning like other families have.

Help-please before I explode(again)!!!!

I have had this since I was about 6 I am now 27 I only found out it was something real that other people suffer from in January this year. Yes to ear plugs, anything that dulls the sound, so have the radio on when people are eating, things like that.

And yes take her to the doctors, this is becoming more and more known and becoming an accepted medical condition.

If you have any questions just ask

Ooh, I would just say that it might be worth trying to help her control herself (gently and in a nice way, with coping strategies), before giving her the message that she definitely can't.

It may be the case that she can't, but I would definitely try seeing if she can (with a little help) first. (just me personally of course)

I mimic, I must look like a right loon . It is a lot to take in, but she is not alone.

Got to dash out but many,many thanks all you've been a great help.It's reassuring to know she can't help it and others find living with somebody who does this maddening at times too.

Will show dp this thread.

Feel a bit bad as now I think about it it kind of seems obvious it's some kind of phobia as it's been going on for years and she shows real distress.I thought she was just being a mare but it wouldn't be so consistent.

One thing it does get worse when she's tired or under the weather.I'm presuming phobias can worsen when the sufferer is tired,maybe not.

Would the dr help with it more than the suggestions on here?Kind of embarrassed to turn up and say "errr Littlepolka doesn't like chewing".

Really am nipping out now.

They'll encourage you to try the most simple coping strategies first, and will escalate/investigate further as and if things don't help.

Your dd has problems with loud chewing, crunching, sniffing and slurping at the table. So do I OP. Whilst I appreciate she may have an underlying condition that she needs some help with, I'd also be teaching my boys to eat nicely at the table to try to alleviate some of the problems. When I read your OP that was my immediate thought - sorry.

I agree with Married, it certainly helps if people have good table manners when eating. It seems to be something that is being lost- the amount of people i've come across who eat with their mouths open is awful!

Married they do eat nicely-we all do.I've been yelled at and eat very politely.Dd says we slurp-we don't.

Aside from 1 of my boys tonsil problem or if they have a cold and chew with their mouth open more we all have pretty good table manners.

She's got distressed when I do her hair and have to sniff.

One of my boys gets hay fever so does sniff in the summer.It's not his fault.

I find these noises annoying and sometimes disgusting (loud, wet, snotty sniffing makes me feel sick, why can't they blow their nose?!) but not in a phobic way.

I was taught to chew with my mouth shut, not talk with mouth full, blow my nose etc. One possible reaction to people behaving 'badly' is contempt for their indiscipline. Another, especially with family members who 'ought to know better' is frustration at lack of control over their behaviour - much as you are experiencing. That can be a really hard thing for a child to learn and accept.

So, I have been taught to behave in a certain way and do so unquestioningly, as it is the right way to behave. They have too, or should have if we are treated fairly. They don't do it, I ask them, or look disapprovingly at them, expecting that, like me, they only need the issue to be drawn to their attention to ensure corrective action. They don't take it, ignoring or even mocking me, clearly not having internalised any sense that this practice matters. That lesson, that people place different values on the same thing and I cannot exert control over others to make things 'right' can be a difficult thing for a child, especially a conscientious, rule-internalising one, to accept.

Chances are, that your doctor has never heard of it. So take in information about the condition, and that you feel as though your dd has it. It is a starting point. If you are on bookface there are groups on there for this.

I just think its very important not to jump straight to the idea that she has a phobia or condition.

She might, but she also might just be a child who needs some guidance on how to handle something she legitimately finds annoying.

Not knowing any productive way to cope with it then leads to escalating distress.

I think its important not to automatically consider her as having a phobia or condition because she may not, and if you jump straight to those conclusions, you have missed the chance of finding out whether the issue resolves with a little guidance.

If however, support and guidance doesn't work, then its time to start considering something more.

I also find your comment about messing up her medical records odd. Who do you think will be judging, on what basis and why?

Your GP might be helpful or not but it is worth a try if this might be a phobia. It could be treated. Surely that would be the important thing?

Oh gosh - I wonder if I've got it. I walked out of the doctors recently because the phlebotomist was chewing gum and I thought it was unprofessional and disgusting and didn't want such an animal handling me and pushing a needle into me to extract my bodily fluids.

I am exactly the same as NaiceDude, and it really can be awful. I find it is worse sometimes and better at others, depending on overall mood, anxiety etc.
Someone popping gum near me is like being shot in the ears. I get a murderous rage and could quite happily punch complete strangers for it. I loathe them.

I realise that sounds insane but in the moment, its totally true. You need to help her learn techniques to distract, to keep it to herself etc, and please try to be calm about it, she isn't doing it on purpose.

My best friend has this. He hates it, and it makes a lot of social events very difficult for him as they involve people eating. He's an adult so obviously doesn't throw a tantrum but ends up either leaving or, if that's not an option, hiding in a corner looking deeply miserable.

He can cope with some people eating in his company, mostly those who understand his issue and who are quiet eaters already. I think it could help your dd a lot to know that this has a name, there are other people who feel like she does, and toy can then work on ways for her to cope.

If anyone eats noisily near me I actually want to pick up the nearest fork and get stabby with it - I understand how she feels!

And YOU can work.bloody phone.

I get very stressed out by water running onto water. When dh has a wee with the loo door open (I know, that's vile in itself..) I feel really irrationally angry - and water bing poured into a glass makes me furious! I'm really glad I'm not the only one who has a thing about normal noises.

Maybe she's trying too hard to control it then snapping when things get too much. I've got AS and associated sensory issues so sympathise with her a lot and at 36 still don't have an endless tolerance threshold.

Unfortunately, medical records do have a lot of impact on various things (depending on what exactly is written there of course):

-insurance policies
-occupational health declarations
-participation in research studies

This isn't a reason to avoid getting something legitimately investigated if you encounter the need for it, but it is a reason to not jump too hastily to medical reasons if there are basic strategies to be tried first.

The things I listed above are things I have had difficulties with, or been curtailed in because of my own mother's hastiness in getting (indeed pushing) for a diagnosis I sincerely believe I do not have and have never had (and indeed my own difficulties resolved when a larger situation was resolved).

The 'label' still follows me though, and I do regret the way it was handled. It would have been a different thing entirely if I really did have the diagnosis.

Does playing the radio or the TV help?
My DC doesn't have the disorder, but she doesn't like eating noises, so we always have the radio on when she comes to dinner.