Kids and thankyou letters. Outdated courtesy?

[fluffyraggies]

I had it drummed into me as a child that i must write thank you notes for all my gifts at Christmas and birthdays. I remember sitting with a list of names and ploughing through the thank you notes, twice a year with mum lurking behind me. I hated the chore but i was regularly told that Auntie X and Cousin Y etc. were always so thrilled to get their thank you's as i was the only child in the family that did it.

As my own kids all became old enough to scribble a note i've made them write thank yous for any gifts which had obviously cost allot or had allot of thought put into it. They moan and groan every year but i've made them do it! At different times it's been said how lovely it is for kids to be thanking properly.

Now - i'm fed up with it tbh. No one else in the family makes their kids write notes to us. Or emails or anything else. I'm thinking of not bothering to force mine into it this year for the first time, and i feel so liberated! But at the same time sad. I think i'll make them formally thank the older members of the family. But not the ones with kids who clearly don't see thanking as customary.

AIBU? What do you do? Do many of you expect/receive 'formal' thank yous from children in the family?

AND while i'm here - what age DO you stop prodding them into doing their thank yous? 10? 14? When they leave school? Genuine question.

I do expect a thank you. If not a letter, then an email or phone cal, but some kind of interaction showing acknowledgement, appreciation and thanks. My rule - no thank you, no more presents. The exception are my nephew and niece, who are on their third (and last) chance, mainly because I couldn't bear my sister's (self centered and entitled ) reaction to me not sending them presents.

I also had to write thank you notes as a child. I still do send notes for gifts received.

I personally find it rude that I buy presents for friends children and get no thank you from the children at all. I know it's hard to get them to write or email. I'm probably old fashioned!

At least do an email or phone call instead.

Other people not doing it pisses me off.

Sorry, continued from above.

My DC are 4 and 1, so I do their "Thank Yous ", although the 4 yo adds his name now. I guess i'll hound them until they leave home! I always do little cards for presents to me too.

My children write thank you notes if they didn't see the person that gave it to them.

We still do thankyou notes, or now sometimes a 'thank you' on the phone or a text message/email.
I used to insist that DS wrote formal thankyou letters to everyone he had recieved a gift from, including those who were actually there when he opened them and were thanked at the time.
He writes thankyou notes to people he doesn't see and doesn't know that well as well as anyone who attends his birthday party. Relatives/adult friends that he knows better will generally be face-to-face, phonecall, email or text.
I think the important thing is just to get the acknowledgement and 'thank you' delivered within a week of the event. I do insist on the week rule but I'm really not concerned about insisting on the letter. The letters are quite tiresome tbh, now he isn't learning to write, but I know they are well recieved by some relatives (they are never one liners!).

I've never expected a thank you card. Seems old fashioned to me but that's just the way I am. My aunt is obsessed with them. Goes completely overboard with it

I like to receive thank you notes but, if a gift has been posted, how does one know that it has arrived? One doesn't know hence the thank you note.

If I hand a wrapped gift to someone to be opened a couple of days later, I would like to know if they liked it or didn't like it.

Not outdated at all imo and should be encouraged.

I just buy nice thank you cards and get ds to write them - nothing long winded so he gets them done quickly with minimum complaining.

I think its rude not to bother with any thank you. A note is nicest but a text, email, Facebook message is nice too.
Just to show you are grateful.
I usually write thank yous (or get the children to) to older members of the family as, like your mum said, Aunties, Cousins probably are thrilled to get them.

I do thank you notes from myself and my son, who is 3.6, although he scribbles a little picture or picks a sticker to put in.

I do it because I think it's important and will get him to do them himself when he's old enough. I don't care what anyone else does.

We don't get a lot of presents from distant relatives so mainly just say thankyou face to face.

I do like the 'new tradition' of people making up "thankyou for coming to my party" notes on the computer with a photo/ photo collage of the kids at the party - much better than a note that you know has been written under duress.

Thank-you notes to all relatives who we don't see.

Handwritten thank you cards here. It's manners isn't it? Don't receive any back though.

I like to know that a gift has actually been received so a thank you is nice if I don't see them at Xmas or birthdays.

I suspect that part of the problem is that kids seem to have the idea that the Thank You must be a 2 page essay with information about their achievements at school and what they're doing in their life. Of course it's not that all. Just a quick email or text saying 'Thanks for the ........ Aunty Cozie' would be quite enough. Goodness knows they're all sending 30 or 40 texts a day to their mates anyway so it shouldn't be hard!

I used to have to write thank you notes and hated it. I give presents because I want to, not because I'm expecting any recognition for it. If someone writes or sends a thank you, great, if they don't its not something I dwell on or even give a second thought to. If far rather friends kids were enjoying the holidays playing with their presents than sat writing forced thank you notes. It's also a generation thing I think, most older people of my parents generation like them, but most of my friends age aren't fussed.

I tend to still do them for the older generation and people we dont see often.
Others get a text or e mail thank you.
I think expecting a thank you within a proscribed period of time is silly and ungracious tbh.
Surely you give a gift because you want to?
I dont expect thank yous and certainly dint stress AB it I'd I don't get one!

Saying thank you is the important thing, and I don't see anything wrong with encouraging putting thought into that thank you when it's for something special.

Well I certainly don't stress about it. I think I've received one thank you in the last 5 years so if I stressed, I'd be a wreck!

Children should write thank you letters to someone who went to the trouble and expense to buy them a present. Good grief, of course they should!

If you ask me no one does but never mind manners are dying out because adults cannot now be bothered to teach them and insist on them. Of course kids don't want to do them, but you need to make them.

I can't believe the number of people who are saying they don't ever get anything. That's so sad :(

I like receiving thank-you notes from the people I don't directly give presents to, although I am still waiting to receive some from back in February. I do also object to the fact that they are completely computerised by the child's mother and if you asked the child what present I had given, I highly doubt they'd know. (and we're talking age 12 here!)

PS if you see the giver or call them on the phone, that's different of course.

But somehow, an email isn't enough. Maybe that's just me though and I should put up and shut up.

Just to clarify - my 'week rule' applies to my son only! This is simply an attempt to teach him to deal with jobs asap and not allow them to become bigger than they really are. It limits the nagging time, too!

I used to make mine do Thank you notes. Only about half of my relatives respricated but I didn't care. People should say "Thank You"

If you saw a child every day, and they never said "thank you" when you handed them something, would you think "well X never says thank you, I'll tell my dc they don't have to"?

Just get them to do it, you'll all feel virtuous then

I wouldn't expect or give a thank you letter. If someone hands me a present for myself or dcs I thank them then and there. If it comes in the post I would send a text so they know it arrived saying thanks for sending xxx the gift.