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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still be a bit pissed off at this woman from a wedding?

157 replies

HopingItllBeOK · 15/12/2012 15:58

on Wednesday, 2 dear friends got married. It was a very child friendly wedding as the groom is a big kid himself with 2 of the happy couple's children as bridesmaids. There was quite a high proportion of children there as anyone who knew the couple well would know there would be, they are big on family and big get togethers for the kids to play together.

The bar was in a separate room off to the side of the reception room and provided the perfect place to take smaller children who were getting a bit fractious with the hustle and bustle of the main room and give them a bit of space to run around. There was a step down to a door with a ramp going along the side which created a little nook which had a table with a sofa and a couple of chairs in it.

After the meal and speeches, my 12 year old was chasing my 15 month old and a friends 2 year old round the loop created by the step and ramp. My friend and I were both standing close by supervising them and at one point the 2 year old let out an over excited squeal to which my friend told her not to squeal, so we were obviously monitoring them.

A woman was sitting at the table in the nook and shouted at my 12 year old "WILL you stop running around! It is disturbing my conversation!" quite sharply. DS apologised to her and of course we gathered up the little ones and moved back to the main room while she glared at us, but I am still a bit pissed off tbh. There was another little room off to the other side of the reception room which was perfect for quiet adult conversation but wasn't suitable for small children as it had an open fire but this was the only place children could safely let off a bit of steam as by this point we were 5 hours into the day which included a long church service, 3 course meal and speeches.

I'm not entirely sure if I am pissed off at her for shouting at my kids when a quiet word with either of the supervising parents standing right by her would have done the job, or a little worried that I have become that parent who lets their kid run riot Hmm I completely understand that children circling where you are sitting can be a bit very annoying, especially if you aren't used to small children but as I said, knowing the couple it was obvious that there would be masses of children at the wedding and given the length of the day that most of those children were far too young to be expected to sit quietly all the time. I feel like I should defend myself by saying that when the 2 younger ones on our table made anything more than a fleeting noise, my friend and I took them out to the bar area during the meal and kept them out there for the speeches so they wouldn't disturb it.

So, was IBU for letting the kids have a run around or was she U for shouting at kids being kids?

OP posts:
SoleSource · 15/12/2012 16:00

Yabu.

Annunziata · 15/12/2012 16:01

She shouldn't have shouted, but it was inappropriate behaviour from a 12 year old.

Gigondas · 15/12/2012 16:03

Another yabu as it is annoying (and I appreciate all you say about small kids and weddings but anywhere in reception venue isn't suitable to run around) but yabu particularly to be fretting about this 3 days later as it is not a big deal.

tetleymel · 15/12/2012 16:04

YABU. You should have made sure that they didn't disturb people, especially as there were areas for them to go to.. Children running around and squealing is annoying when you're trying to talk, whether you have children or not. Yes, it's a long day for a two year old, so take them away for a break.

SugaricePlumFairy · 15/12/2012 16:05

A 12 year old running around a loop would be a pain I would think.

Juustanothermnetter · 15/12/2012 16:10

Yanbu. It is rude for a grown lady to speak to a 12 year old like that. Children must be allowed to let off steam (the younger ones can't be expected to sit still for a whole day).

I'm sure there were plenty of other places for her to have a conversation and I assume there were very few places the children could safely play.

Your children had as much right as her to be there, they were invited by the couple as was this lady presumably. When you invite young children you know they will need some play time.

tetleymel · 15/12/2012 16:13

Ah, but when you invite young children you expect the parents to supervise them properly. Sorry, might seem harsh, but it's true. It's annoying when some parents let their children run around (12 and make lots of noise, especially when you want to make sure your children aren't encouraged to do the same.

YouSeveredHead · 15/12/2012 16:14

I think you were only being unreasonable because they were running around people sat down. If it had been free then fair enough but not if people were sat there.

Btw she shouldn't have shouted like tgat

Toughasoldboots · 15/12/2012 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopingItllBeOK · 15/12/2012 16:15

They were in the area for them to go to. It had been specifically pointed out to us by the staff as somewhere out of the way that they could have a bit of a run and some freedom when we were stalking the little ones around the dance floor. There was one squeal which was clamped down on straight away. The 12 YO had volunteered to chase them around a bit so my friend and I could have a chat. I thought it was quite sweet, as did a few people who commented to us on their way to the bar, a couple of whom said "don't worry about her, she's always miserable" as we were shooing the kids back into the reception room which has probably added to my feeling that the kids were ok tbh.

Ok, if the consensus is that IABU I can take that. I didn't think that taking small children to an out of the way part of the venue to quietly let off steam in the middle of a long day was that bad tbh but if it is then in future, I'll do more research before taking the kids to a wedding and find somewhere outside the venue to take them if they get fractious.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 15/12/2012 16:15

I don't think a 12 year old doing that is appropriate behaviour to be honest. My 8 year old makes a bloody din running around so I would have raised eyebrows at a 12 year old doing it.

MariaMandarin · 15/12/2012 16:19

It wasn't on for you to be allowing your 12 year old to run about like this inside the wedding venue. Even at a child friendly wedding things would quickly get out of hand if all the children there started to run around. I understand why the woman snapped. I wonder if she was a teacher or similar as it sounds as though she was quite effective in her chastisement.

WorraLorraTurkey · 15/12/2012 16:19

They didn't quietly let off steam though...I think that was the woman's point.

Fakebook · 15/12/2012 16:20

Seems like a silly thing for a 12 year old to do. I'm pretty sure I'd grown out of running around like a buffoon aged 12.

HopingItllBeOK · 15/12/2012 16:22

Slow typing so a few cross posts, sorry.

They were barely making any noise, the odd giggle from the little ones but that is all. Yes there were plenty of other places for adults to quietly sit and this was the only place for children to have the space to run. The children were actually there first and my 12 year old steered the little ones away so that this woman and her party could get to the table without navigating past them.

The fathers of both the little ones were groomsmen. This woman was a friend of the groom's mother.

I thought we were supervising them adequately tbh, by taking them out of the way and not letting them make loud or unnecessary noise and staying very close by. What should we have done differently? (genuine question, not being snarky).

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 15/12/2012 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/12/2012 16:23

YABU because you l;et your children run around in the bar area.

WorraLorraTurkey · 15/12/2012 16:24

What should we have done differently? (genuine question, not being snarky)

Tell them to stop running around because it's a wedding reception and not a playground.

Sorry but just because it's a child friendly wedding, doesn't mean they have to run anywhere.

Surely the 12yr old could have kept the toddler amused in some other way, if no adults wanted to do it?

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 15/12/2012 16:25

I could understand if the oldest was 5 but at 12, that isn't really a "kid" in the usual term, is it? That's a high school student who will be used to having to keep quiet and sit for long periods.

YABU.

saintlyjimjams · 15/12/2012 16:25

Ds1 is 13, I have found many adults getting very irritated with him and rude towards him since he was about 12. No idea why, but I think a lot of people seem to assume the worst of teenage boys

Selim · 15/12/2012 16:25

3 kids running around in a loop does sound annoying and a 12 year old really should no better. I am used to small children, I have 4 of them and I would have been irritated to the point of brusqueness. I don't think a 12 year old should need to be communicated with via a supervising parent. You do reach an age when other members of society should be able to speak to you. She should have been politer but she wasn't and at least her outburst only lasted a few seconds, whereas I suspect the 3 kids running in a loop probably went on for longer, was louder, and ruder.

Fakebook · 15/12/2012 16:26

I meant running around in inappropriate places indoors. The step and ramp sound dangerous to me and I wouldn't see that as an appropriate place for running games.

HopingItllBeOK · 15/12/2012 16:26

It isn't appropriate for a 12 year old to play with his brother and his friend? Really? The younger ones had been running around there before the 12 year old joined us and he just joined in their game to keep them amused.

They weren't utterly silent, no. They giggled a few times. They weren't shouting, there was one squeal that got clamped down on and no more after that.

OP posts:
Pipsytwos · 15/12/2012 16:26

Yanbu! They weren't being naughty or hurting anyone, they were just playing. If it was that irritating she should have moved.

Justforlaughs · 15/12/2012 16:28

If you had taken the children to the designated area for "running round" (as I read your OP) then I don't think YABU to let them run round. Having said that I think that after 3 days it's time to let it go. Probably the other woman and indeed the other guests haven't given it another thought. Just remember the god bits of the day!