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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still be a bit pissed off at this woman from a wedding?

157 replies

HopingItllBeOK · 15/12/2012 15:58

on Wednesday, 2 dear friends got married. It was a very child friendly wedding as the groom is a big kid himself with 2 of the happy couple's children as bridesmaids. There was quite a high proportion of children there as anyone who knew the couple well would know there would be, they are big on family and big get togethers for the kids to play together.

The bar was in a separate room off to the side of the reception room and provided the perfect place to take smaller children who were getting a bit fractious with the hustle and bustle of the main room and give them a bit of space to run around. There was a step down to a door with a ramp going along the side which created a little nook which had a table with a sofa and a couple of chairs in it.

After the meal and speeches, my 12 year old was chasing my 15 month old and a friends 2 year old round the loop created by the step and ramp. My friend and I were both standing close by supervising them and at one point the 2 year old let out an over excited squeal to which my friend told her not to squeal, so we were obviously monitoring them.

A woman was sitting at the table in the nook and shouted at my 12 year old "WILL you stop running around! It is disturbing my conversation!" quite sharply. DS apologised to her and of course we gathered up the little ones and moved back to the main room while she glared at us, but I am still a bit pissed off tbh. There was another little room off to the other side of the reception room which was perfect for quiet adult conversation but wasn't suitable for small children as it had an open fire but this was the only place children could safely let off a bit of steam as by this point we were 5 hours into the day which included a long church service, 3 course meal and speeches.

I'm not entirely sure if I am pissed off at her for shouting at my kids when a quiet word with either of the supervising parents standing right by her would have done the job, or a little worried that I have become that parent who lets their kid run riot Hmm I completely understand that children circling where you are sitting can be a bit very annoying, especially if you aren't used to small children but as I said, knowing the couple it was obvious that there would be masses of children at the wedding and given the length of the day that most of those children were far too young to be expected to sit quietly all the time. I feel like I should defend myself by saying that when the 2 younger ones on our table made anything more than a fleeting noise, my friend and I took them out to the bar area during the meal and kept them out there for the speeches so they wouldn't disturb it.

So, was IBU for letting the kids have a run around or was she U for shouting at kids being kids?

OP posts:
Fakebook · 15/12/2012 16:29

Calm down Hmm.

WorraLorraTurkey · 15/12/2012 16:31

It's perfectly appropriate for a 12yr old to play with them - yes.

What isn't appropriate is running round chasing them and getting them even more hyper.

Would you or your friend have run round and round in the loop after the kids, or would you have found a more appropriate way to amuse them in public?

Viviennemary · 15/12/2012 16:32

What a nightmare affair this wedding sounds. No wonder people want childfree weddings. Why can't children behave themselves.

Selim · 15/12/2012 16:32

Its not about whether its appropriate to play, its about whether its appropriate to play running about in a loop in a bar at a wedding. I don't think it is, you clearly do.

badguider · 15/12/2012 16:33

YABU to still be pissed off.
I think you've justified your choice to do what you did perfectly well, but the woman didn't know that there was another room and it had a fire and so you'd chosen this room but she could sit undisturbed in that room... she just knew she was being disturbed, so she asked them/you to stop... and you did.

No harm no foul as they say..

FutTheShuckUp · 15/12/2012 16:34

It baffles me how and why people think child friendly= running around making a kerfuffle

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2012 16:36

The noise wouldn't have bothered me, but as Im reading I am imagining how grating the running round and round can be.

Its like waiting for something to happen eg one of them falling over or smashing into something.

YABU to be pissed off with her yes.

YuleBritannia · 15/12/2012 16:37

HopingItllBeok

You asked what you could have done apart from letting them run round getting in people's way/space/quietude? Have you heard of colouring books and crayons or reading stories? As for a 12 year old, what about some homework in the quiet area - even if it were reading something for a forthcoming lesson?

Ah, you were having a quiet conversation with someone. Well, so was the other woman. If you take your children of whatever age to a function, you should be supervising them, not allowing them to do as they please to the discomfort of other people who were there.

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2012 16:37

....and if my 12 year old had been chasing little ones round as a game Id have shouted for him to stop right now!

saintlyjimjams · 15/12/2012 16:37

Honestly it's only since ds1 was about 12 that adults have seen it as appropriate to swear at him. They also talk stroppily at him, even though he always has an adult right next to him. Tbh this always makes me laugh as he doesn't realise they are talking to him so ignore them completely which really sets the lemon sucking off.

By the third incident I was a bit bemused,especially as ds1 hadn't been doing anything on any of the occasions. A friend pointed out it was probably just because he was heading towards being a teenager and a lot of adults aren't that nice to teens.

Had she asked nicely I would have said fair enough, but having seen similar directed towards my son YANBU

RyleDup · 15/12/2012 16:38

I don't think you were unreasonable tbh. That was the area for children to go. She could have sat in the other area. There was plenty of 12 yr olds running around at my wedding. No one minded. It would be different in a public place, but this is a wedding with a designated area for children. I think that wonan was rude.

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 15/12/2012 16:39

I would think that the bar would have been somewhere for the adults to go to get away, not an area for children. Confused

Amytheflag · 15/12/2012 16:40

YANBU to be annoyed at the woman telling your 12 year old off. If you were as close by as you say, this woman should have said something to you rather than to your child.

Saying that, YABU to let your children be running around like that. It's pretty irritating to have to dodge children who are running everywhere especially when they don't look where they are going.

SamSmalaidh · 15/12/2012 16:41

Yanbu, that woman was really rude.

I'd have encouraged less boisterous playing if it were my kids, but the woman could have asked either the 12yo or you politely to stop of it bothered her.

Picturesinthefirelight · 15/12/2012 16:49

Why was the woman not with the rest of the guests YANBU.

BackforGood · 15/12/2012 17:02

As you have accepted. YABU.
It is not appropriate for a 12 yr old to be running around in a bar at a wedding.

WorraLorraTurkey · 15/12/2012 17:03

The woman was sitting there trying to talk to someone

She spoke abruptly to the 12yr old

I don't think that's rude at all.

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2012 17:04

Pictures, maybe she wanted a bit of peace to chat to her friend away from the main room?

Gigondas · 15/12/2012 17:06

Playing with little ones fine, even making a bit of noise (within reason) -fine but running about in a reception and near bar area where people have drinks (that get spilled or even glasses breaking over running children) - not fine.

It was the running aspect not the being kids that I thought yabu about.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 15/12/2012 17:10

Small children and weddings don't mix very well. I never ever took either of mine to one, but left them with grandparents and had some grown up time.

Quite unreasonable for kids to be charging round inside a weddking venue - outside is the place for kids to run around.

PuppyMonkey · 15/12/2012 17:10

Bloody hell, I'm so glad I've never been to the po-faced weddings you lot all seem to expect.Grin kids skidding round on the dance floor, running round and having a ball is how I think weddings should be personally - but then I'm Irish and that's what we expect.

But yes, yabu to keep festering - move on!

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/12/2012 17:15

PuppyMonkey
"kids skidding round on the dance floor,"

They can do that for me all day, I just believe that the bar should be a place where little (and not so little) children don't runaround.

WorraLorraTurkey · 15/12/2012 17:15

Puppy both my parents are Irish and that's exactly how I remember weddings in the main hall.

But not in a quiet bar.

We would have been quite rightly told off for disturbing the adults.

MrsChristmasBungle · 15/12/2012 17:16

Even if I had been annoyed by kids running around me I would not have said anything. This seems to be the norm at weddings I have been to with kids. I would have moved if it really annoyed me. I also wouldn't have though the 12 year old 'should know better', it seems the 12 yo was just looking after the wee ones while the parents who should have ensured they were not annoying people were chatting

Weddings are a long day for kids and they do feel couped up and need to let off steam - this is why I didn't have kids at my wedding [miserable emoticon].

XBenedict · 15/12/2012 17:17

YANBU. Rude lady! Angry there are ways of speaking to people and that includes children!