Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be a bit pissed off at this woman from a wedding?

157 replies

HopingItllBeOK · 15/12/2012 15:58

on Wednesday, 2 dear friends got married. It was a very child friendly wedding as the groom is a big kid himself with 2 of the happy couple's children as bridesmaids. There was quite a high proportion of children there as anyone who knew the couple well would know there would be, they are big on family and big get togethers for the kids to play together.

The bar was in a separate room off to the side of the reception room and provided the perfect place to take smaller children who were getting a bit fractious with the hustle and bustle of the main room and give them a bit of space to run around. There was a step down to a door with a ramp going along the side which created a little nook which had a table with a sofa and a couple of chairs in it.

After the meal and speeches, my 12 year old was chasing my 15 month old and a friends 2 year old round the loop created by the step and ramp. My friend and I were both standing close by supervising them and at one point the 2 year old let out an over excited squeal to which my friend told her not to squeal, so we were obviously monitoring them.

A woman was sitting at the table in the nook and shouted at my 12 year old "WILL you stop running around! It is disturbing my conversation!" quite sharply. DS apologised to her and of course we gathered up the little ones and moved back to the main room while she glared at us, but I am still a bit pissed off tbh. There was another little room off to the other side of the reception room which was perfect for quiet adult conversation but wasn't suitable for small children as it had an open fire but this was the only place children could safely let off a bit of steam as by this point we were 5 hours into the day which included a long church service, 3 course meal and speeches.

I'm not entirely sure if I am pissed off at her for shouting at my kids when a quiet word with either of the supervising parents standing right by her would have done the job, or a little worried that I have become that parent who lets their kid run riot Hmm I completely understand that children circling where you are sitting can be a bit very annoying, especially if you aren't used to small children but as I said, knowing the couple it was obvious that there would be masses of children at the wedding and given the length of the day that most of those children were far too young to be expected to sit quietly all the time. I feel like I should defend myself by saying that when the 2 younger ones on our table made anything more than a fleeting noise, my friend and I took them out to the bar area during the meal and kept them out there for the speeches so they wouldn't disturb it.

So, was IBU for letting the kids have a run around or was she U for shouting at kids being kids?

OP posts:
BarceyDussell · 15/12/2012 21:52

Your op reads as thought that woman may have been sitting there first, in the nook off the bar area and then your children arrived and started running around them in circles. Is that right?

As a parent, if an area had been suggested to me to allow the children let off steam and i found an adult was already there no way would i allow them to run aroumd the adults table the way you did.

But i also make my exit from anywhere when they get 'fractious' no matter how child friendly the occasion.

BarceyDussell · 15/12/2012 21:55

Ah, x post. Sorry, but i still think yabu. Take them home if the day has become too long for them.

SauvignonBlanche · 15/12/2012 21:58

YWNBU OP!

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 16/12/2012 07:28

Nope. Still being unreasonable IMO. You don't let children run about where people are having a conversation in a quiet out of the way corner. When ther's no one there, fine, but as soon as someone comes along who wants to use it for the intended purpose of a place to sit for a conversation, you stop and switch to something less intrusive.

At least that's what I do. When I am out with my children I try to ensure they don't piss anyone off other than myself

lljkk · 16/12/2012 07:41

YANBU

My wedding was overflowing with small kids. I wanted them there & expected to behave like happy excited kids.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 16/12/2012 07:43

OP you may not want to come across as one of those posters, but you are.

Do you think anyone told the woman that this was a 'designated' area for kids?

Yabu because child friendly doesn't mean kids get to do what they want. I went to sils wedding earlier this year and as was 18 months old. Dh and I spent all day running around after him. Taking it in turns. My older child was playing with her cousin.
At no point would I have let them behave like in a way that disturbed other people. Me and dh barely said a word to each other. Never mind sat and had a chat while my other child chases my toddler in circles.

Sorry but yabu. Its really hard taking small kids to weddings, but thems the breaks.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 16/12/2012 07:54

My wedding was overflowing with small kids. I wanted them there & expected to behave like happy excited kids.

To the extent that they pissed off people trying to have a quiet conversation away from the main room? Children can still be happy and excited without pissing people off. It's called consideration.

LadyKinbote · 16/12/2012 07:56

YANBU. They're children having fun at a wedding. It's hardly anti-social behaviour; it wasn't during the speeches or anything. I would never tell off someone else's child. If I had a headache or something or just wanted a quiet conversation I would move away.

FivesGoldNorks · 16/12/2012 08:10

Well if the children were there first why did she pick there to sit and have her conversation.
I see what you're saying and I hope and expect the parents kept the children quiet during the ceremony. But the children had been invited in their own right for an all day event. Is it too much to ask they can play in the area they'd been told to play in, which was empty when they began to play.

baskingseals · 16/12/2012 08:18

YANBU

same as lljkk - i had a lot of children at my wedding. i actually wanted them there. i think your dc were behaving appropriately and the woman was rude.

weddings are fun and happy occasions, or should be. children, imho, are essential for a wedding atmosphere.

charitygirl · 16/12/2012 08:18

Oh please! If your son was chasing two toddlers, he was hardly running at full 12-year-old speed was he. The woman sounds miserable.

FivesGoldNorks · 16/12/2012 08:18

Just seems to me like she was making a point of putting those children in their place. Most normal people would choose somewhere where children weren't paying to sit and have their oh so important grown up conversation if they thought children playing was going to bother them.

BendyBobsBrusselsSprouts · 16/12/2012 08:21

Yabu it sounds annoying. I wouldn't have let mine do that in the same situation.

I think having children at an occasion is fine but they don't have to take it over.

SpecialAgentKat · 16/12/2012 08:25

If I'm at a wedding in a tight dress, uncomfortable shoes and after five hours get a drink from the bar only to have a twelve year old decide to start running around me I'd probably snap too. YABU because it was a bar. His footsteps and even height would have been far more frustrating and distracting than a toddler, who also shouldn't have been running around. The twelve year old copped it because while still a child, he knew better than to do that. Thinking about the thudding is what me shudder. Child noises wouldn't Then again I have three small children under the of four But again, it was the bar. I would have gone there to collapse with a drink ifit had been five hours of wedding, speeches etc.

Management was ESPECIALLY unreasonable if they really did say the bar area was where the kids could "stretch their legs" as that is a serious violation of many OHS regulations. Is that really how it was worded?

SpecialAgentKat · 16/12/2012 08:28

To everyone saying "why did she decide to sit there?"

Well for the same reason I would have. The one thing that makes weddings bearable. Booze. Xmas GrinXmas Wink

LynetteScavo · 16/12/2012 08:30

I'm so on the fence with this. I would have told the 12yo not to run around, but I also think the woman was rude to say anything.

Circling children are annoying, and I'm very used to children. Toddlers running inside, fine. A 12 yo running inside, not fine. I would have told them to go outside.

givemeaclue · 16/12/2012 08:34

Take them outside to run around. You don't Need to research the venue, just go outside!

digerd · 16/12/2012 08:35

Special
Your fault if wearing uncomfortable shoes and a tight dress, and have no right to take it out on the kids.
Op YANBU - that overbearing woman who complained in that manner was.

DrRanj · 16/12/2012 08:37

Weddings can be tiring for everyone, not just kids. This woman probably wanted to take a quite breather away from the crowds but instead had a load of big kids running round. If you had a tiny baby and had taken it into that area for some quiet time/sleep/feed, would you have said something to a 12 year old that had disturbed it?

A seperate area for the kids to play in does not equal "run around like maniacs".

I can see why you are a bit put out and perhaps this woman's delivery was a bit off, but I suspect even if she'd have had a quiet word with you, you would still have been annoyed.

Yab a bit u, especially to still be dwelling on it now! I bet the kids didn't lose any sleep over it...

FellowshipOfFestiveFellows · 16/12/2012 08:37

YANBU.
At my dsil wedding last year, the older cousins aged between 9 and 16 kept the younger ones like my dcs (3 and 4 at the time) amused. It was July but chilly out and they were dressed for summer, so the older ones played Chase, football and got drinks for them all and snacks between the wedding and the lunch, and then in the evening at the disco. It was very relaxed, dd was a bridesmaid and we we encouraged to let them put their pajamas on in the evening so if they nodded off it didn't matter.
If this was the only place and staff had pointed it out to run around in, she was totally out of order. Miserable old cow was what came to mind op, and I would be livid if someone shouted at my child or nieces and nephews.

SpecialAgentKat · 16/12/2012 08:41

Kids have no right to be running around in a bar. Hence why I asked if that's really what management said (and if they did, they fucked up royally)

Weddings require vanity digerd! Xmas Grin But seriously, even if I was wearing loafers and a potato sack, the thumping of a twelve year old would be immensely irritating, and twelve years old is hardly a baby. Talking to his mother instead of him would be weird IMO.

She was snitchy, but he tried it on and got caught out. Still a child, but old enough to know better.

sashh · 16/12/2012 08:42

OP

How is a BAR -0 serving drinks in glasses a suitable place for children to run?

SpecialAgentKat · 16/12/2012 08:43

Fellowship:

Did they play football inside a bar area?

I agree with the poster who said why not with the rest of the hustle and bustle? Or were children not supposed to run/dance on the dance floor? (Genuine question along with the bar one)

pictish · 16/12/2012 08:47

Ach it's just one of those things.
Ywnbu - but then neither was she.

Nothing will happen if your child gets a row. It happens sometimes.

baskingseals · 16/12/2012 08:51

if you were in a pub or somewhere purely for adults, then fair enough to get shirty. but at a wedding?

where's the love?

Swipe left for the next trending thread