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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still be a bit pissed off at this woman from a wedding?

157 replies

HopingItllBeOK · 15/12/2012 15:58

on Wednesday, 2 dear friends got married. It was a very child friendly wedding as the groom is a big kid himself with 2 of the happy couple's children as bridesmaids. There was quite a high proportion of children there as anyone who knew the couple well would know there would be, they are big on family and big get togethers for the kids to play together.

The bar was in a separate room off to the side of the reception room and provided the perfect place to take smaller children who were getting a bit fractious with the hustle and bustle of the main room and give them a bit of space to run around. There was a step down to a door with a ramp going along the side which created a little nook which had a table with a sofa and a couple of chairs in it.

After the meal and speeches, my 12 year old was chasing my 15 month old and a friends 2 year old round the loop created by the step and ramp. My friend and I were both standing close by supervising them and at one point the 2 year old let out an over excited squeal to which my friend told her not to squeal, so we were obviously monitoring them.

A woman was sitting at the table in the nook and shouted at my 12 year old "WILL you stop running around! It is disturbing my conversation!" quite sharply. DS apologised to her and of course we gathered up the little ones and moved back to the main room while she glared at us, but I am still a bit pissed off tbh. There was another little room off to the other side of the reception room which was perfect for quiet adult conversation but wasn't suitable for small children as it had an open fire but this was the only place children could safely let off a bit of steam as by this point we were 5 hours into the day which included a long church service, 3 course meal and speeches.

I'm not entirely sure if I am pissed off at her for shouting at my kids when a quiet word with either of the supervising parents standing right by her would have done the job, or a little worried that I have become that parent who lets their kid run riot Hmm I completely understand that children circling where you are sitting can be a bit very annoying, especially if you aren't used to small children but as I said, knowing the couple it was obvious that there would be masses of children at the wedding and given the length of the day that most of those children were far too young to be expected to sit quietly all the time. I feel like I should defend myself by saying that when the 2 younger ones on our table made anything more than a fleeting noise, my friend and I took them out to the bar area during the meal and kept them out there for the speeches so they wouldn't disturb it.

So, was IBU for letting the kids have a run around or was she U for shouting at kids being kids?

OP posts:
AnnaRack · 15/12/2012 17:19

I dont thinnk children should run around at all indoors. The type of play you were describing sounds more like outdoor play. There is a big difference between what's acceptable indoors and outdoors. What could you have done differently? Bring toys/activities to encourage indoor play - building blocks, felt tip pens, colouring/puzzle books, etc. Take them for a run around outside if they get restless.

GreatCongas · 15/12/2012 17:22

People keep saying they were running in the bar? Is this the case. I thought they were in a separate room

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2012 17:25

The seperate room was the bar.

ToffeeCaramel · 15/12/2012 17:28

I think everyone was being unreasonable. The hotel were unreasonable to designate the bar as a kids' play area. Bars are for adults. The wedding couple were unreasonable for picking a hotel that uses a bar as a play area. Your ds was unreasonable to irritate the woman and the woman was unreasonable to be so rude to him.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 15/12/2012 17:29

YABU. You should not let your children run round in a bar where there is someone trying to have a conversation at a table.

GreatCongas · 15/12/2012 17:30

Ah yes thanks

I think you were only not unreasonable as there's where you were told to go by staff for them to run around

I also agree with the poster who hates this attitude towards children at weddings. I hate stuffy formal grown up only weddings. I just tend not to go

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2012 17:31

Toffeecaramel The hotel did not designate the bar as a play area!

Why on earth would they?

FivesGoldNorks · 15/12/2012 17:32

lot of miseries tonight. A full wedding is a long time to expect little ones to be patient. Sounds like your 12 year old was running around in order to entertain the little ones.

GreatCongas · 15/12/2012 17:34

Ops post of 16.15 said it was

takataka · 15/12/2012 17:38

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Me and my friends have l had loads of kids at our weddings. Hairing around is part of it. So if the thinking behind your friends wedding is similar; then the woman was being a miserable bag

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 15/12/2012 17:41

lot of miseries tonight

No.

There may be some people who disagree with your way of thinking though.
Running around should be done in the noisy room, not the quiet bar area.

takataka · 15/12/2012 17:41

Agree with poppy

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2012 17:43

It would be against health and safety rules to have the bar as a play room.

I read OPs post as staff told them to go there as they were doing the same in the main reception room?

Im definitely not anti children at weddings, but I still don;'t think playing in a bar was appropriate.

ToffeeCaramel · 15/12/2012 17:51

Amberleaf The OP wrote "It had been specifically pointed out to us by the staff as somewhere out of the way that they could have a bit of a run and some freedom "

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 15/12/2012 17:51

No YANBU kids are kids, and honestly,if people think 12 is too old to run around with younger kids, it's obviously been too long since they/theirs were that age. It's nice when the older kids play with the younger ones,gives you a break, and like you say the staff told you that was the place for the kids to let off steam, so how on earth could that be unreasonable?
you were there, supervising, if she couldn't hold a conversation, she should have moved, that place was designated for the kids, SHE was being unreasonable.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 15/12/2012 17:53

X-benedict!!!! sorry OP....... did the mad slapping woman ever show her face? Xmas Grin

XBenedict · 15/12/2012 17:55

Saw her the other day.........nothing, although she wasn't her usual chatty self. I'm just not sure if she remembers or not.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn · 15/12/2012 17:55

It wasn't designated as the child area though. It was just suggested. I bet there was no sign up saying "kids running area". It was the bloody bar!

You do not allow children to run around where people are trying to have a quiet conversation.

Dozer · 15/12/2012 18:05

Yanbu for the DC running around, maybe try to see it as a lesson for the 12yo that people have different social attitudes and sometimes express disapproval!

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 15/12/2012 18:08

From OP They were in the area for them to go to. It had been specifically pointed out to us by the staff as somewhere out of the way that they could have a bit of a run and some freedom
So why would she think this was a problem, but Op you should let it go, she only told them off, she didn't swear or shout, and it was 3 days ago Xmas Wink

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 15/12/2012 18:08

XBenedict Very weird!

SarahWarahWoo · 15/12/2012 18:09

This wedding has been and gone so why are stressing about it?

ToffeeCaramel · 15/12/2012 18:09

I don't think anyone has said there was a sign up saying "kids running area". Grin

tiggytape · 15/12/2012 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

uptheamp · 15/12/2012 18:12

feeling sorry for the 12 year old!

weddings (ime) are noisy and fun with children involved, it's not a funeral is it