To still be a bit pissed off at this woman from a wedding?

[HopingItllBeOK]

on Wednesday, 2 dear friends got married. It was a very child friendly wedding as the groom is a big kid himself with 2 of the happy couple's children as bridesmaids. There was quite a high proportion of children there as anyone who knew the couple well would know there would be, they are big on family and big get togethers for the kids to play together.

The bar was in a separate room off to the side of the reception room and provided the perfect place to take smaller children who were getting a bit fractious with the hustle and bustle of the main room and give them a bit of space to run around. There was a step down to a door with a ramp going along the side which created a little nook which had a table with a sofa and a couple of chairs in it.

After the meal and speeches, my 12 year old was chasing my 15 month old and a friends 2 year old round the loop created by the step and ramp. My friend and I were both standing close by supervising them and at one point the 2 year old let out an over excited squeal to which my friend told her not to squeal, so we were obviously monitoring them.

A woman was sitting at the table in the nook and shouted at my 12 year old "WILL you stop running around! It is disturbing my conversation!" quite sharply. DS apologised to her and of course we gathered up the little ones and moved back to the main room while she glared at us, but I am still a bit pissed off tbh. There was another little room off to the other side of the reception room which was perfect for quiet adult conversation but wasn't suitable for small children as it had an open fire but this was the only place children could safely let off a bit of steam as by this point we were 5 hours into the day which included a long church service, 3 course meal and speeches.

I'm not entirely sure if I am pissed off at her for shouting at my kids when a quiet word with either of the supervising parents standing right by her would have done the job, or a little worried that I have become that parent who lets their kid run riot I completely understand that children circling where you are sitting can be a bit very annoying, especially if you aren't used to small children but as I said, knowing the couple it was obvious that there would be masses of children at the wedding and given the length of the day that most of those children were far too young to be expected to sit quietly all the time. I feel like I should defend myself by saying that when the 2 younger ones on our table made anything more than a fleeting noise, my friend and I took them out to the bar area during the meal and kept them out there for the speeches so they wouldn't disturb it.

So, was IBU for letting the kids have a run around or was she U for shouting at kids being kids?

Why should children be totally quiet though? Were the adults sat in silence?

I don't think anyone has said there was a sign up saying "kids running area".

Precisely. So it wasn't a designated kids area and the adult in question was well within her rights to think she could sit at a table in a quiet bar and have a conversation.

Well I'll buck the trend and say YANBU. Kids at a wedding do end up running around a bit, and specially when they're that small I've never known anyone object. The 12 yr old was hardly running around at top speed, he'd have been going pretty slow if he was chasing toddlers. I'd "run" with toddlers myself at a wedding, and I wouldn't expect to be told off. In the summer we'd do it outside, at this time of year there prob wasn't an outside option.
Two 12 yr olds chasing each other yes it would be reasonable to object. 12 yr old being lovely and entertaining littlies - how rude.
Then I love kids having fun at weddings. That's kinda the point - weddings are about families for me.

And agree with norks

YANBU OP, she sounds like a miserable caah.
I had kids running round at my wedding - my choice.

Yes indeed, and that is why i wrote that bars are for adults. The staff shouldn't have specifically pointed out a bar as somewhere out of the way that they could have a bit of a run and some freedom.

A public house may well be for adults but a bar in a private function needed necessarily be seen as an adult area.
We had an entertainer in the bar at my wedding specifically for children. If the venue is for your exclusive use, you and the owners dictate room use.

In this case the owners dictated that kids could have a bit of a run there it seems.

Haven't read the whole thread but basically some people are more tolerant of children than others. And they won't change.
Yanbu from my point of view but then I like to see children having a nice time and enjoying themselves. It sounds like it was a very family friendly wedding so obviously one with loads of kids about. I have been to kid friendly weddings but left mine at home, usually when its the wedding of people they don't really know, and still loved seeing all the kids rushing around. Because I like children. Other people aren't keen. Fair enough. But I would have given the woman a earful there and then so as not to he mildly stewing over it days later

YABU

Child-friendly doesn't equal carte blanche for kids to run around like maniacs. How will they ever learn that running about isn't always appropriate if they're not taught how to behave at weddings etc?

If we are going on a long day out like this with DS, I take a bag of stuff to keep him amused i.e Top Trumps cards/notebook and crayons/matchbox cars etc. I don't expect him to sit stock still all day but I won't tolerate running and shrieking, either.

So how was it a child friendly wedding if there were no creche?

Yanbu btw.

It was a child friendly wedding reception fgs not a library/classroom, so what if there was some running around. Yanbu. And the woman was rude. I wouldnt talk to a child or adult in that manner. She could have said to your 12 yo excuse me would you mind running around over there, I'm trying to have a conversation. Thank you.

We don't know if it was a private bar or if it was the owners that said the kids could run about in the bar.

That's just your interpretation though baubles I don't like stuffy formal weddings, and deem weddings an excellent occassion for running and shreiking.

There is no way on earth either of my kids could be persuaded to play top trumps or sit and do colouring at a busy social occasion. No way

I agree with what catkind said. And I find it how so many otherwise pleasant adults seem to think it is OK to talk to older children as though they are dirt

Mother of god, I'm glad my English cousins have enough Irish left in them that their weddings weren't the miserable ee affairs some of you expect

Did someone seriously suggest the 12 year old should be doing homework? At a wedding? ,

At Irish weddings it generally accepted that the teens will mind the younger kids in whatever way keeps them busy.... I used to have tickle fights and play hide and seek with my younger cousins whilst the adults chatted and got drunk and no-one ever complained.

OP YWNBU!

YABU they were in the bar area and as you said there was another smaller room that the kids could have run around.

DH's Celtic cousins' children had a ball at ours. Weddings are meant to be a celebration aren't they?

She definitely should have been polite.
But you shouldn't have let your kids run around. At the age of 12 I would have been given my baby sibling to keep quiet with books and crayons etc.

fivegoldnorks children are not adults. When they grow up is when they enjoy some of the privileges. It's the way it is.

YANNNNNBU.

My cousins are all big on family and this is exactly the sort of set-up they would have for a wedding. Inmfact, most would expect children to get bored and restless during the church service (often over an hour) and don't mind if babies are crying and children giggling, at least a little bit of that is expected in fact.

The woman should have gone to the other 'adult' room, or put up with it. It wouldn't have been out of order for you to say (nicely) that this is the area specifically set aside for the kids to run about in, and then pointed out the adult room.

If the main room was full of 'hustle and bustle' and the bar was to get away from that then why was the bar designated as a children's running area? Sounds mad.

In my culture weddings are enormous, we had 400+ at ours but I would still find 3 kids running in a circle in a bar annoying. Couldn't they skid on their knees on the dance floor? You know, where the noise and action is.

I'm in the yabu camp.
That would do my head in.
The woman probably tolerated for as long as she could before she just couldn't help but say something.
I don't know how you put up with it yourself really.

Maybe she hadn't been told that the bar area was going to be funky monkeys, or whatever, for the day.

If I really ABU, fine, I can accept that and I don't want to seem like one of those "AIBU? Yes. No I'm not and here's why" posters by keep coming back and drip feeding but the majority of people saying I ABU are doing so based on the wrong information. I'll just address a couple of misunderstood points and if you still think I am unreasonable then ok, I am.

The venue staff directed us to this area as the most out of the way part so the kids could stretch their legs. By this point we were 5 hours into the day and had done snacks, books, quiet toys, colouring and all the other suggestions made so far for keeping toddlers quiet. We were in this area first, the woman came over after the kids were running so she could clearly see them, then made the decision to still sit there. The layout meant that although this area was in the same room as the bar, which was a side room to the main reception room, it was a largeish room with the bar on the same side as the doors to the reception room. The area we were in was on the other side of the room, right up against the wall as the step and ramp they were running on was leading to the outside door. Those doors were only used by people going outside for a smoke. There was no risk of the kids running under someone's feet as they came from the bar as the route from reception room to bar lead the other guests nowhere near where we were and my friend and I were stood between the looping kids and the bar to intercept any rogue runners. The kids were running for no more than a few minutes. The woman who shouted had been sat down for less than a minute, or 2 laps which should give some idea of the speed and that they were hardly haring around. Both the toddlers have been walking for less than 6 months so while capable of great bursts of speed when escaping a nappy change, they are not exactly Usain Bolt.