to not tell DH about DDs christmas money ?

[OhDearNigel]

DHs uncle always sends us money for Christmas and the cheque came yesterday. DH did not realise that a separate envelope had come for DD and thought the money was for all of us.

DD and I opened her card and out came a crisp £20 note. WIBU to never mention its existence to DH ? He will only put it in her savings account which is where he squirrels away all her birthday ahd Christmas money. Which is not very exciting, is it ? DD, by the way, is 3. I want to buy her a toy with it. She only gets new toys at Christmas and birthday so it's not as if we're knee deep in them ! And she has outgrown most of her stuff from last year

Op, what are you scared of?

That he will confiscate the money without discussion?
That he will be angry?
That he will not "let you do as you see fit" with the money?

If this is how your marriage works, I think you have a lot more to assess than just how to spend £20 from your uncle.

Go and buy the toy and think carefully about why keeping your husband on side is such a fraught issue, to the point that your child is not getting stuff because of it.

My DH and I love spending money on DS because it gives us pleasure to see him happy. It doesn't mean he gets everything he wants or asks for, especially at the moment, but it is a source of happiness for us. Your husband seems to have that chip missing.

Why not buy her a toy with 10 and then put the other 10 in the bank?

Whenever the DC get money as gifts it is generally expected by the person giving it that I will spend it on them straight away, and normally do so that I can let them know what I got them in the thank you note.

Spend it! Agree with lurker on the 'investment' toys, DS1 plays with DH's old brio that my PIL have kept, and my parents have a bucket of random lego that was a hand me down for us as kids, and is still going strong now (though is boring colours, obviously bought when lego only came in primary colours + green)

I´d probably put 10 away & spend 10-I´m sure that´s enough for a nice present, isn´t it?

Do you not have access to her account to withdraw money then-if you want to spend some on her after he has put it away?

The kids accounts are in my name as I opened them-having more time to do so & pay stuff in.

Doesn´t mean I "control" them or make all the decisions about the kid´s money, though.

Ds is 1 and the bits of money he has had so far have gone in a piggy bank. We save money for him too. He gets all the toys known to humanity and then some :) If he didn't or we couldn't afford toys then I would use his bday or xmas money to buy toys.

I don't think 3 year olds should be held to adult standards wrt being prudent and delaying gratification. Particularly as your dd is not going to be overrun with stuff on Xmas day looking at your list.

And tbh it doesn't sound great that your dh has extremely fixed views about how family money and dd's money is spent and that there is no room for discussion.

My gp's always gave me money which I was "encouraged" to save
I remember really wanting a swing ball which was exactly the price my gp had given me, but I was not allowed to get it

I was finally "allowed" access to my savings at 18yo
Grand total of £159
I was at work earning £800 a month by then......
My point is buy her a present

Three-that´s the age for a bike or scooter, isn´t it??

Never mind her uncle's presents, why haven't you bought her more? Three is a lovely age to buy for; there's so much they're interested in. Bank his money if you like, but go out and get her some lovely presents to open.

Off you go to toy r us! Spoil her for deffo..

Spend it on a toy that DD would like.

Take a photo of her opening it at Christmas, or playing with it, and send photo to uncle with a thank you note . Explain to DH that Uncle had sent separate money for DD.

If I send birthday or Christmas money to children in the family, it's intended for tphem to spend on something they choose. If I'm giving money towards savings or school trips , then it goes directly to the parents.

I'd not be pleased if I gave money to a child and the parents chose to put in in savings or used it for an essential item they should be buying. It was sent to your DD so that she could pick something she likes.

Any money DS is given is his, we save for him ourselves as feels thats our job not relatives on xmas and birthdays.

Your relationship must be strained if you cant tell your husband you have soent xmas money on a xmas present. Your DD has one toy off yourselves and you dont buy presents any other time so perhaps relatives wanted her to have more as one toy for a year seems very mean.

Tell him you got an extra £20 from her uncle "to buy a toy with" so you're doing that. Why is it his decision what happens to the money?

Either he's controlling or he's not, if he's not, then you don't have to hide money from him or obey his decisions, if you feel you have to do either of these, you have a financially abusive husband. OP - you can't have it both ways, either it's equally your choice what happens to the money or it's not.

I very much agree with Svrider's point that if you are saving for when she is grown up, she could be earning anyway and these savings will seem irrelevant.

I wouldn't split the money either - you can't get much for £10, whereas £10 won't make much difference to an already large savings pot.

I don't think only getting presents at Christmas and birthday's is cruel - that was the only time I got anything. But although we weren't well off, my parents and relations always made sure I got good presents on these occasions.

Spend half and save half, as others have said. It's a good thing to teach your DD too. I would tell him the truth though, that she has had £20, and you feel she should put some in the bank and have a nice toy with the rest, especially as she has money in the bank already.

It's why I always send vouchers and never money, if I really can't send a physical present. I am not giving them it to go in a saving account - it is for a present, in lieu of me sending an actual one.

I think you need to get her some more presents to open tbh. At three they love opening things and playing, that's what childhood should be about.
My dd is 3 on the 23rd we are not particularly well off but she has birthday presents, Christmas presents and a stocking from Santa! I have bought quite a bit second hand from charity shops. Presents don't have to cost the earth !

Don't lie about it FGS

On the odd times DD has received money for a gift we have always written in her thank yous what she used it for, "Thank you for my money. I bought some play food for my kitchen and have been making tea parties for my dolly and teddies".
Not quite the same excited ring to it to have to write "Thank you for my money. Mummy and daddy put it int he bank for me for when I am 18." imo