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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell DH about DDs christmas money ?

106 replies

OhDearNigel · 14/12/2012 20:42

DHs uncle always sends us money for Christmas and the cheque came yesterday. DH did not realise that a separate envelope had come for DD and thought the money was for all of us.

DD and I opened her card and out came a crisp £20 note. WIBU to never mention its existence to DH ? He will only put it in her savings account which is where he squirrels away all her birthday ahd Christmas money. Which is not very exciting, is it ? DD, by the way, is 3. I want to buy her a toy with it. She only gets new toys at Christmas and birthday so it's not as if we're knee deep in them ! And she has outgrown most of her stuff from last year

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 14/12/2012 21:35

Buy her a toy

bedmonster · 14/12/2012 21:49

lovely dsil saved all the cb from her dcs in an account. She had about 15 grand in there after 18 years and 2 dc They will no longer receive cb after next year and are furious. ( She earns over 45k and her dh is on over 100k.)

AmberSocks · 14/12/2012 21:55

i cant imagine having to ask my dh if its ok t spend money on the kids,espescially money theyve been given.

Hulababy · 14/12/2012 22:04

Birthday and Christmas money is this house is to be spent, not saved. Not often DD gets money as we see relatives often enough and they live closer, but if it is it is given because of distance/ease of posting. So a gift is bought with said money.

TravelinColour · 14/12/2012 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elfbambinos · 14/12/2012 22:52

Do you not think the uncle sent the £20 separately for it to be used as a toy for your DD

It's there to spend

MakeItALarge · 14/12/2012 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redwellybluewelly · 14/12/2012 23:46

We do half and half. Spend half and save half. Usually spent on books or colouring books. Currently saving for a swing and slide set.

Yanbu

skatebauble · 15/12/2012 00:05

Spend half on a toy. Save the other half.

EugenesAxeChoppedDownANiceTree · 15/12/2012 08:56

Spend it but you need to be prepared for him to find out.

He will be more likely to have a go if you tell him in a voice that suggests you knew you were doing wrong, so avoid that and say matter-of-factly that you had a toy in mind for her that you spent it on.

Jingleallthejay · 15/12/2012 09:03

is he really that miserey (spelling) about money I know he is saving etc but what for ? it is her money maybe uncle knew what he was like and wanted her to have a little something and not sensibley saved buy her something for christmas then tell him watch him be all scroogey Grin

FredFredGeorge · 15/12/2012 09:18

If I wanted a gift bought for a child, I'd give it the money to the parents and ask them to get something. If I give money to the child it's their money, and I don't expect the adults to choose how to spend it, the child should - and for a 3 year old that means saved until they're old enough to (not 18!)

Purple2012 · 15/12/2012 09:34

I would buy the toy. My SDs mum wants her to save all her birthday and christmas money and always has. DHs mum used to hate it as she wanted her to have something. So,now anything she gets from her mums side is saved, anything from our sides family is her choice. She gets pocket money from us and she is allowed to spend it on what she wants. If you can't waste money when you're a child then it's a poor thing. All too soon she will have to budget carefully.

We do show her the value of money,she has to save if she wants something, and she pays money towards Christmas and birthday presents for people.

She is 15 now so going to encourage her to save more but she is quite good at saving anyway.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 15/12/2012 09:37

Tell dh he sent a tenner - let him save that. Take her and the other tenner to a toy shop and let her choose something.

Surely her uncle sent it for toys?

Jingleallthejay · 15/12/2012 09:46

Do you not think the uncle sent the £20 separately for it to be used as a toy for your DD

This is what I thought he knew what his nephew was like about saving any penny so wanted his great niece to have something for christmas, imo christmas and birthday money is to be spent not put away for a rainy day ,

marriedandwreathedinholly · 15/12/2012 09:48

I can't really understand why it should be an issue to be honest. The fact that it is indicates a problem. Our DC are 17 and 13.5. When money came for them I don't think DH and I even discussed it. I was left to do as I thought fit with it. £20 sums anyway. If they were sent a lot then of course we would have discusssed it.

bakingaddict · 15/12/2012 09:58

OhDearNigel you are sending out mixed messages, you dont seem completely sold on all your DD's money going into savings but why cant you just say to your DH i'm buying her some toys, end of, if you have a normal balanced relationship

It's not a crime to occasionally buy a child a toy, it's the joy of being a child and you shouldn't need approval from your DH to do this simple act

CecilyP · 15/12/2012 10:10

If I was an uncle and sent £20 for my great niece, I would rather it was spent on a toy, than be used to top up an already ample savings account. And I would like to know what was being bought and how the little one was enjoying it.

For a child whose parents are comfortable enough to save all their child benefit, you DD doesn't sound like she is getting very much. Gloves and skirts are things she needs anyway - not special treats.

I don't think you should hide it from your DH but I think you should tell him you are buying something special with the money.

Pendipidy · 15/12/2012 10:15

i can't believe that is all you have got your dd for Christmas! that's a bit mean when you have plenty squirrel ed away! buy her a toy and don't be so mean! you and your dh!

bamboostalks · 15/12/2012 10:15

What a fuss about nowt. Why don't you buy her some more presents yourself if you think she's shortchanged? That present list is a bit scanty IMO from someone who is not short of cash. A pair of gloves? Surely they're essentials not pressie fodder?

bamboostalks · 15/12/2012 10:16

X post there

bamboostalks · 15/12/2012 10:16

You both sound very miserly tbh

peaceandlovebunny · 15/12/2012 10:20

i can't believe the mn-ers are all taking this so calmly.
the man won't even let you spend money sent to your daughter for christmas!
sack him.
make sure you find out about all the money he has saved first, and get your fair share!

lurkerspeaks · 15/12/2012 10:20

Sorry nigel but as someone who very rarely think/says "leave the bastard" on MNet that is exactly what I was thinking when I read your post.

Why are you so scared to say to your DH that you think your daughter needs more stuff.

I agree loads of kids have far too much crap but it doesn't sound like your daughter does - at 3 they can start to get big ticket toys that will last into primary school years - lego, dolls house.

If he is so keen to save what do you do about big ticket "essentials" eg. bikes? I accept that every family has different priorities but in one where CB is saved I would expect the children to have some of the bigger toy items.

I too came from a family where the christmas pile was padded out by essentials - pj's, new toothbrush etc and am guilty of doing it myself. However we did have age appropriate toys to play with as well as money in stashed away accounts.

lurkerspeaks · 15/12/2012 10:23

PS: High value toys can be a good investment. I just unpacked the brio railway that my sibs and I (tbh mostly my brother) got as children to be played with at my house.

My brother is 31 and it is still totally serviceable. I'm sure my grandparents winced at the cost of bits for it in the early 1980s but as their great granchildren are now playing with it it was an astute investment.